things.

There are some things you can only ever do with some people in your life. Like wandering around the night safari howling with the wolves. Or the constant making fun of each other, and each other's friends and what nots.

There are things i will miss in 2 weeks.

Find the time,

we make lists, we make plans
to write books, to form bands
or to move to kreuzburg
and escape into the night.

It sucks when you are preparing for something you don't want to prepare for. Not that you don't want that something. Just that preparing for it makes you feel real bad bout everything and anything. damn it.

'I'm wide, I'm wide awake at night. my minds preoccupied. And the silence won't reside.'

What do you do when you know there isn't much time left, like perhaps a death criminal facing the rope, No. Its not certain death i am facing. Or a patient in a hospice. But i do not have a estimate, i have an exact date. So more of a gladiator then, preparing for a fight that will perhaps scar me for life, or bring eternal glory. Or perhaps its just another day in the ring.

But like perhaps at every important crossroad of my life, time starts moving backwards. Not unlike a movie reel set on reverse. Like a boxer watching his past fights in black and white, moving with his past self, dodging blows and punching into air. And perhaps he will enjoy it like i do, seeing it on playback, smiling at that punch he misread "ooh, that one hurted real bad", and chuckling at that 'good ol' one-two' sayin "it was nothin' man, nothin".

And damn the feel is gone. again. haha.

till next time when it returns.

Turning the page.

'Its not about starting afresh,
Its about leaving this one behind'
Not a quote from somewhere, or some lyrics that describe exactly how i feel about the upcoming 'adventure', if i may. But something i told a friend, bout how this is for me right now. And with the momentum increasing exponentially and the clouds gathering, one can hardly help but feel that the storm is coming. Perhaps over myself only.

And maybe it will be. Maybe the clouds will gather over me and cry me a river, and as i move away from one home to another, perhaps it will follow me. Leaving the world i left behind in perfect harmony, and perhaps a rainbow with it. And maybe the skies will be dark ahead. But that is not my main concern.

Its time for farewells again. And i know myself. I am never good at that and perhaps never will be. Not to friends, or to enemies, or to people more than friends, to mere aquaintances and friends that has perhaps been forgotten. Not when i am conscious of it or otherwise, not when its my choice and not when it isn't. And perhaps when the dust has settled all normality will resume but as of now, again, the clouds are but gathering. still plenty of time till the dust settles.

And will i forget. perhaps after even just only 6 mths. The times i had here. Will the great parasite of forgetfullness implant itself in the cerebral complexes of my memory and slowly extract strands of silver memory from my mind. Or will they turn sepia, erasing the little details of it all, beautifying? blurring? polishing? dimming?

And if i do not forget. Will we change, positively. For change is imminent, and it will be foolish not to expect so and not to hope so. But will it be better, or will life as i know it be over. Will I, finally, perhaps, 'grow up', or will all of the others do so? Will my wolf pack move back to one or will it fill the world wide.

Uncertainties.
Something that i hate to be not in control of. I mean i like the probabilities of a game of poker or a spin of the wheel. Something i am in control of. Something where i can say "woah, That's it, i am not putting one more cent in". I am a man of conflicting ideals, which alot of people remind me i am, which i am not denying i am. A man conflicted in dreams and ideas, whose start of the sentence contradicts the end. But it is this exact thing that i both love and fear about myself. I love liking both freedom and communism. Both dictators and free men. I love not killing animals by my own hands even though i consume meat by the ton. I love going all in with a 2-7 off suit and folding with a A-K suited. sometimes anyway. And i like to be in control always. Though i enjoy the losing of such from time to time. Which leads me back to..

And i am indeed emo right now. And perhaps rightly so. And sometimes i like to be so. It does free my mind from clutters and make the words in my head coherent. And now that mood is vanishing faster than i ask for, there is hardly more i could add in my current mood. So yeah for now.

Its Till next time.

Alright. Sorry for the long hiatus. Was trying to find my footing in this new year and make sense of it all amongst the great changes that seem so imminent to my life. Things have been far from quiet as i walked the lands with my ukulele in hand. Taiwan was fun. But that perhaps is another story for another time. Pictures are on facebook. so yeah. there's no need to post them here again.

Just met my future Monash mates over 3 days at a chalet. First time. Kinda hard to imagine all of us are gonna spend 5 years together. But the ppl are cooler than i first thought and yeah. it went easier than imagined.

Thoughts swarming my head about my impending departure actually. But in this condition i am hardly able to write anything coherent. And those swirling thoughts may just remain as swirling thoughts.

This may truly be the beginning of an end. There are times where even trees uproot themselves and walk. And this may be such a time. I am no tree. more like a plant floating around in mid-air. Is there such a thing? a shrub or something, airborne, unrooted?