And so here I am. lying in bed, tired, but sleepless..
I always wanted such a period, a time for nothingness and perhaps a little quiet. But it seems oddly overwhelming, the idea of not having anything to do, or any place to be.
I can't wait for my brothers to be done with their exams. And hopefully end my boredom with such.
'and if make the plans, can we just not find the time'
Friday 26 November 2010
Wednesday 24 November 2010
Sunday 14 November 2010
The year.
And it all cumulated to tonight. A journey that was not exactly smooth sailing but yet far from any sign of rough waters. And so it ends, 10 mths in foreign soil, doing something I want to do in a place I want to be.
First year of med school has been a great, if slightly steep learning curve. For the first time in my life, I'm doing something I am not traditionally good at. No more could i rely on the logic of maths or the law of physics. But its been great, learning about parts of my body. Muscles, I didn't know existed, Bones, I didn't know had a name.
But its what I've accomplished outside the curriculum that is perhaps worth celebrating. I've survived almost a whole year independently. I've made great friends, both in and outside the course. I've been places, had great adventures, tasted heavenly food, and hellish stuff too. I've climbed mountains and crossed seas. Braved the wind, the rain and the hailstorm of the weather that is melbourne. I stayed sober, but I got drunk. I had my fill, my fair share of losing.
Its been a great year. And I very much look forward to the next. and the one after. and then one after. and then those beyond.
I would have more to write. For its been a eventful year after all. But my brain is not functioning due to its withdrawal from caffeine, and also, its 3.15am now.
So. Till next time.
First year of med school has been a great, if slightly steep learning curve. For the first time in my life, I'm doing something I am not traditionally good at. No more could i rely on the logic of maths or the law of physics. But its been great, learning about parts of my body. Muscles, I didn't know existed, Bones, I didn't know had a name.
But its what I've accomplished outside the curriculum that is perhaps worth celebrating. I've survived almost a whole year independently. I've made great friends, both in and outside the course. I've been places, had great adventures, tasted heavenly food, and hellish stuff too. I've climbed mountains and crossed seas. Braved the wind, the rain and the hailstorm of the weather that is melbourne. I stayed sober, but I got drunk. I had my fill, my fair share of losing.
Its been a great year. And I very much look forward to the next. and the one after. and then one after. and then those beyond.
I would have more to write. For its been a eventful year after all. But my brain is not functioning due to its withdrawal from caffeine, and also, its 3.15am now.
So. Till next time.
Wednesday 3 November 2010
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
-Invictus
Tomorrow. Will start the conclusion to what has been at least a interesting first year. And i do hope i can do well. I once really believed in hope. I hope that hope doesn't abandon me now.
I do not know if i have did enough.
I hope i had.
I do not know if i know enough.
I hope i do.
I do not know if i'm in the right mind.
I hope i am.
Till next time.
Monday 1 November 2010
Inspired
Alright. Its 4 minutes and and 2 and a half days to my exams. And i find myself here. slightly worried. A little stressed. And once again thinking why am i going through all this.
Its easy to see the practical reason. Get a job. Earn my pay. For that's what we need to continue to live eh? Stable job, stable pay. Pay off my parents. Bring up my children. Buy a car. and a plasma TV. and perhaps live well in a big house.
Its harder to see though, how am i trying to achieve my dreams. Its hard to see, how is being a doctor an alternative for someone who from young wanted to be a dragon slaying knight of an ancient chinese empire. Or a power ranger. Or a mutant. And I have to secretly admit. I have not given up on half of those dreams. Its easy to see the end. Where i want to be, standing amongst the savannah of africa, outside my medical tentage, watching the sun fall behind the great accacia trees, surrounded by a dozen people i just treated. Or in my clinic, closing up for the night, shelving up the files of the poor i just treated. Or taking off my blue ER PPT suit, smiling as i enjoy another 'one live saved' moment.
Many say its the journey that counts. Yet this journey is difficult and rough to say the least. And this time, i have much less to depend on. All along the way so far, the bicycle of childhood had the guide wheels firmly screwed on. For the first time, I am riding without the guide wheels. And for the first time, perhaps there's nth to catch me if i fall. And for the first time, i am out of my comfort zone of maths and physics. love them as i may. For the first time, my abilities to calculate my ways out of a situation is as good as knowing how to write english poems in ancient china.
There are many things i would like to tell myself 10 years from now. And perhaps 10 years from now, there will be many things i would like to tell myself too. But yes. I would know them. Wouldn't I?
In any case. That's something for another post sometime later.
Its easy to see the practical reason. Get a job. Earn my pay. For that's what we need to continue to live eh? Stable job, stable pay. Pay off my parents. Bring up my children. Buy a car. and a plasma TV. and perhaps live well in a big house.
Its harder to see though, how am i trying to achieve my dreams. Its hard to see, how is being a doctor an alternative for someone who from young wanted to be a dragon slaying knight of an ancient chinese empire. Or a power ranger. Or a mutant. And I have to secretly admit. I have not given up on half of those dreams. Its easy to see the end. Where i want to be, standing amongst the savannah of africa, outside my medical tentage, watching the sun fall behind the great accacia trees, surrounded by a dozen people i just treated. Or in my clinic, closing up for the night, shelving up the files of the poor i just treated. Or taking off my blue ER PPT suit, smiling as i enjoy another 'one live saved' moment.
Many say its the journey that counts. Yet this journey is difficult and rough to say the least. And this time, i have much less to depend on. All along the way so far, the bicycle of childhood had the guide wheels firmly screwed on. For the first time, I am riding without the guide wheels. And for the first time, perhaps there's nth to catch me if i fall. And for the first time, i am out of my comfort zone of maths and physics. love them as i may. For the first time, my abilities to calculate my ways out of a situation is as good as knowing how to write english poems in ancient china.
There are many things i would like to tell myself 10 years from now. And perhaps 10 years from now, there will be many things i would like to tell myself too. But yes. I would know them. Wouldn't I?
In any case. That's something for another post sometime later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)