Hello Greta.

http://forzadiego.blogspot.com/2010/08/thanks.html

I know, i know. Its kinda narcissitic to link back to my old post. But yeah, part of my school required me to write a reflective piece on a 'critical incident of my medical school life'. What better, than to write on something i already written on. But then again, i don't think they'll take kindly to this kind of reflection.

But yeah, I kinda wonder how are those guys now. Touched my heart, they really did.

And as i turn to my books in preparation for yet another exam. I find myself slightly less interested in the mechanisms of the nephron, but more interested in why its spelt 'absorb' but 'reabsorption' yet 'reabsorbed' and 'absorbing'

My kidneys will die if they know that i am troubled with that instead of their immensely confusing mechanisms.

I want to be a doctor. Really.

And we inch another step closer to the exams. And Now home beckons right beyond the horizon. And have i become a unknowing fool of my own doing. But that's a question for perhaps another day.

For now the books beckon.

[update 23/05/2011 1:45am] West ham is losing once more. and the world seems to be busy watching somewhere else. A feeling of loneliness. perhaps.

'They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, well its better than drinking alone"

and two years more.

And with the exams fast approaching, i find myself hunting for motivation again. It have been a routine thing, for someone whose stress levels bear no real correlation to motivation which thus does not correlates to work done. You see, I am one who, as i would like to belief, needs to see the point of doing something before i embark on doing it. My track record of doing so many pointless exercises on the way may exclude that fact, but yeah. I need an aim.

And here's where many will say, "I thought you wanted to be a doctor, that whole thing about saving people?". Which is essentially true. but i find myself lacking the motivation as i pull myself through every exam, with the imminentity of a life stuck in the rat race beckoning right at the horizon. I still hold that dream, of one day supporting a happy family with a clinic i open, where i peg prices to perhaps the patients ability to pay. And maybe complete a little part of 'From each according to his ability, to each according to his need' And its a place i have little doubt i would reach one day. One day. Now that's where my lack of motivation lies. As the school, and general world continues to spin faster and faster, i find myself increasingly isolated as one who wants to slow down instead of speed up. Sure my studies are important, perhaps supposedly the most important thing that should be in my life right now. But am i wrong to perhaps want a little more space to breath, to perhaps contemplate the vastness of interstellar space, to make music, to indulge in food, and see the world. For what better time for us to do all these but now in the prime of our youth. Should we really speed through our every day, bury ourselves in books and notes, and fast track into working life. Perhaps its me, trying to justify my lack of work. But i find myself tired, playing this infinite game of catching up with life, or perhaps i know deep down, that I, want to take it slower, maybe read outside my chosen field, some fiction perhaps. Watch some TV, have some laughs.

I'm sure no one would disagree, that life exists beyond the medical field, beyond studies. But, then everyone would argue, that that life can wait. And besides what i have just written above, i could not find myself a logical reason i could disprove that. And Perhaps that's why. Its Illogical.

I find myself thinking of getting myself a good long break after this year. Take a year off, travel. See the world. Have fun. Get a job, perhaps teaching. perhaps working at the aquarium, or with conservation jobs. But knowing me. Its hard for me to get started on my multitude of dreams. But yeah. Its something i want to do. Perhaps a year off after i graduate, but the overwhelming response is that i should enter the workforce immedietely, something about learning things or smth there. So perhaps a couple of years more, maybe after i've done my internship. And then what, oh yes, i have housemanship to get into, so two more years for that, and then two more years for yet another thing, and then yet another. And then i find myself bogged down, work, perhaps family, perhaps both.

Which is perhaps what would most likely happen.

And so i go on. Wouldn't someone tell me what should i do.

Till then.

Day 12

Song from a band i hate. No. Dislike. haha. Hate too strong a word.

Day 11

After a suitable hiatus. Here is day 11. A song for my favourite band, which i will miss cos i'm going sydney 3 days after they perform there.