september's end

As i wake to september's end. I suddenly realised how little days of nights i have left. Just a few more hours of the organisation till i am done with my 'duties' for life. No more forced servitude. No more will i have names other than my own forced onto me.

Was eating with the guys yesterday at simpang. Where they tried once again to convince me that the organisation has done me no injustice. So they tried. Since i had more time than i should here today at my home away from home. I was thinking a little about what they said and yeah. what a certain someone from some feedback unit who called said.

Ok. before i get carried away. Stop. Not gonna jeopardise what's a few work days away.

Whenever I look back
On the best days of my life
I think I saw them all on T.V.
I am so homesick now for
Someone that I never knew
I am so homesick now for
Someplace I will never be

Time won't let me go
Time won't let me go
If I could do it all again
I'd go back and change everything
But time won't let me go

But they must.

OR_ LOH!
Just D__s remain..
can't wait.

P.s. You know i am seriously very bored, when i come out with a nonsense post like this.

To say nothing happened this few days will be an outright lie. But like a man nearing the end of his life, such petty misunderstandings and arguments suddenly just seem so trivial and unworthy of comment. But of course, i still can't cos i have to at least care about how others would view me. even after i go.

As things draw to a close. You begin to look back and reflect on what was good, what was useful, and what was neither. Have i done a service? I would have say yes. Have i did my best? Most definitely, not. Will i miss that place? Hell, no. Maybe some of the people and some of the times. But hell, i would one hell like to be out smelling the sweet scent of freedom.

Money problems is still giving me hell. not the on the micro-economic equivalent side of my finance but more on a macro-economic scale. Uni is gonna cost a bomb. And the worst thing is i can't have a say in it. Its one of those choices where Lord Vetinari would have put through. "Either accept my offer, or just walk through that door." and just outside the door is a steep drop thousand feet down. An impossible choice, but a choice nonetheless.

Damn.

Booking in for another long long week.

patchwork of randomness.

Its been a week or so since i was here. Days are getting better, shorter and much more enjoyable with the new management. whatever people says about the old guard, the new is better. definitely. Started exercising since the longest of time. And then found this article on the strait times saying that how much motivation and enthusiasm one has towards exercise maybe genetic. So yeah. BLAME the genes! haha. its not my fault for not exercising! haha.

Met up with dyb guys after quite a long time. A few of them at least. Sang a few songs, some of which reminded me of some days long past. Days that quite honestly i forgotten. But you know how such things sometimes crawl back, just a little perhaps, maybe on an unusually long bus ride, or during a flash of history replayed. But yeah. I'm gonna find, another you..

It's really over, you made your stand
You got me crying, as was your plan
But when my loneliness is through, i'm gonna find another you

You take your sweaters
You take your time
You might have your reasons but you will never have my rhyme
I'm gonna sing my way away from blue
I'm gonna find another you

When i was your lover
No one else would do
If i'm forced to find another i hope she looks like you
Yeah and she's nicer too, yeah

So go on baby
Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Oh, now i'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new
I'm gonna do some things you wouldn't let me do
Oh i'm gonna find another you

which is a darn awesome song

hopefully a friend will feel that way too.

Inspired by John Mayer. awesome stuff.

Can't survive much longer without money. which is why a reshuffling of plans is needed. I can't survive on instant noodles on wkends. Not over my dead body I'm not eating instant noodles during the wkends. Its just wrong, to eat such horrible tasting and low nutrition food after a week of suffering in camp.

Why can't i just strike the lottery.

Puff the magic dragon is in the medical center. and my friend is chasing it. wth. lol.

what a patchwork of randomness.
till next time then/

Of practical stuff.

Say you had a disease. A deadly one. Something that would kill you in perhaps 3 months. But a cure is available. How much are you willing to pay? ten thousand? a million? Or what if it was someone else who have that disease. A friend or a close kin. How much then are you willing to pay? Do there come a point where that life is considered less worthy than the amount paid?

Just felt this article highly disturbing.

I always know such stuff existed. For 'practical' reasons we have to put costs on lives. So Warren Buffet or Cristiano Ronaldo are probably worth more than this 'unworthy' life of mine. And i could be sure to be saved after they are, say in the improbable chance that we meet in a traffic accident. The root of all these problems to me isn't the valuation of life, or the rationing of healthcare. But pragmatism, practicallity. The determination of values and costs against the practical gains or losses.

And the best thing about pragmatism is that you couldn't argue against it in a practical or logical way. For it pure logic itself. I couldn't say that "Hey, I'm worth just as much as them!" for they would show me the figures and numbers and charts and graphs showing that i am a million time less worthy than them. What about my worth to my friends and family, you say? They say "Sorry, but they are just as inconsequencial as you are". And you ask, "Who then, determines all this figures". And they'll tell you, "You did".

Its like the so-called value of 'loyalty'. How could any country, association, or business expect that now that the principles of business are founded on pragmatism. Could one be loyal to a company, when all they tell you is to strive for larger profits, for the company? Will one not strive for larger earnings for oneself? How could a C****** ask for loyalty, when schools teach pragmatism from young. Meritocracy you say. Meritocracy works both ways, it means that an organisation is able to choose from the best of its applicants. And a applicant is able to choose from his offers. So if a ship is sinking, pragmatism means one should abandon ship and hop on to the next one, even if its not the same ship anymore.

Ethics, Values, Loyalty, sense of belonging. All these arises from ideals, not pragmatism. Can i call a place home, if i do not see it as more than a lodging like any other. Can i have respect for any other, if i do not believe that they are more than worthy for it. Can i stick to an organisation in hard times, if i only see it as a place i work in?

I'm an idealist. But i could be practical if i need to, and ruthlessly so. But for now, i choose not to be.

Dreaming on.

I'm an hour and a half away from operation ninja warrior, where i would have to clear walls ten stories high and leap off from a height of 21m above ground.

woke up early after listening to the wrong alarm. broke fast even though i'm not fasting.

good night.

D minus 98 days.

D minus 98 days.

Preparations for D-day has finally begun, though every cell of my body has been ready for months. Sorted out the days where i will not be around the organisation. In fact, half of October and the whole of November will be spent outside the long arm and far reaches of the organisation.

But this month is a whole different game. Being away at a crucial time of change means that i am forced to accept what is normally unacceptable. Hopefully I'll be able to toss the balls around and deflect a few arrows.

You know the organisation works time in a opposite way from school. When in school last time, the closer you are to say, the exams, the faster time seems to pass, while here in the organisation, the closer you are to your end, the longer time seems to be.

And last but not least, a little something for fellow ORD sufferers. =) (I didn't write it up, found it somewhere in the medical center and subsequently nicked it off the web)

Medical-In-Confidence

OBSESSIVE RETARDATION DISEASE (ORD)
Obsessive Retardation Disease (ORD) is a mental disorder officially recognised by the Regimental Organisation of Doctors (ROD), a paramilitary medical organisation affiliated with the Singapore Armed Forces Medical Corps. First identified in 1967 by the pioneer batch of SAF Medical Officers nearing the end of their military draft, it has since been studied extensively and categorised, despite early controversy over its classification, as a legitimate mental disease.

Contents

1. Origin
2. Symptoms of Obsessive Retardation Disease (ORD)
3. Occurrence
4. Diagnosis
5. Treatment
6. Preventive Measures
7. Conclusion
   

Origin

ORD was first identified and named by CPT (Dr) Orded Loh in 1967. It was christened as such because it was characterised by psychologists specialising in neuroses as a obsessive compulsive disorder which fixates its victim's attention on something in particular, and in so doing degrades the cognitive abilities of its victim ie. retards his mind. CPT (Dr) Loh, who himself succumbed to the disease, was the first to observe that the disease mainly occurred among NSFs, even among those who had no family or personal history of mental illness.

Symptoms of Obsessive Retardation Disease (ORD)

Individuals afflicted by ORD exhibit a variety of symptoms, which upon first sight appear mutually contradictory. Apparent injuries formerly sustained by the afflicted victim, notably those inhibiting vigorous physical activity necessary for rigorous training as a soldier, diminishes at an accelerated rate, usually without accompanying treatment of any form. The phenomenal rate of recuperation ensures that the ORD-stricken serviceman fully recovers by the time he leaves the army. Though less common, but ubiquitous is the observation that some formerly medically unfit servicemen, those assigned PES C or E, recover fast enough to be upgraded back to PES B.

At the same time, perhaps somewhat ironically, the same individuals afflicted with the mental illness have been observed to fall ill more often to common minor illnesses, such as Influenza, diarrhoea (perhaps the most common), fever, sore throats etc. , resulting in an observed increment of medical sick leave (MCs) taken by the ORD personnel. Periods of such medical leave are known to occur in conjunction with outstanding leave or days off. Subjects afflicted with ORD also experiences reduced inhibitions; these individuals are often observed by their normal peers to appear relaxed and generally happier at all times.

General incompetence accompanies their reduced inhibitions; errors identified in the course of duty or work by fellow co-workers or peers are often left uncorrected by the victim even if their existence was acknowledged. The discrepancies in question are often shrugged off by the ORD-afflicted author. ORD also appears to reduce the attention span and concentration intensity of its victims with regards to their everyday work. Perhaps the most bizarrely, patients suffering from ORD have been known to at times, orally exclaim the very name of the disease, followed by a "Loh!" or alternatively "Oh!".

Occurrences

ORD has been observed to affect mostly Full-time National Servicemen (NSFs) though NSFs with an overzealous attitude in military service appear to be particularly resistant to the mental disorder, though most would eventually succumb to the disease. With few exceptions, regular servicemen appear to suffer from it only rarely, though the disease tends to affect regular servicemen nearing the end of their military contract, largely those emplaced on short term schemes. The disorder has also been observed to be mysteriously absent in NSFs pending absorption into regular service.
Diagnosis

As with most mental aberrations ORD is difficult to diagnose definitively because no physical symptoms manifest themselves in its victim. Prognosis of ORD consists of usually no more than verifying the date of official discharge of the NSF concerned as less than three months away, though early warning symptoms may present themselves earlier than expected. A serviceman may be diagnosed with ORD when he has been observed to have at most less than three months of service balance and exhibits most or all of the above symptoms.

Treatment

At present, no lasting form of treatment exists for victims of ORD. Drugs commonly prescribed for other obsessive-compulsive disorders appear to have little discernible effect on ORD. More paradoxically, befitting its status as a mental anomaly, victims of ORD are usually content to remain in their current state and often refuse attempted treatment of any form. This observation concurs with its identified categorisation as an obsessive-compulsive disorder, with the exception that its presence is usually cheerfully acknowledged by the sufferer.

Effective short-term treatment include prolonging the date of their official discharge, forfeiture of leave balance and days off, as well as assignment of extra weekend duties, all of which appears to dampen the ecstasy experienced by ORD sufferers.

Preventive Measures

At present, no effective preventive measures exist to circumvent the inevitable onset of ORD for NSFs nearing the end of their service, though it has been observed that threatening the ORD sufferer with the treatment as outlined above depreciates the inception of the disorder.

As with treatment, would-be sufferers of ORD often refuse to take any form of preventive measure against ORD, and more often than not, in fact, eagerly await the onset of ORD.

Conclusion

Despite various extensive studies ever since its discovery, ORD remains an enigma to most SAF psychologists seeking to understand the disease better. The above exposition should serve to aid superiors in better understanding and elucidating the omnipresent mental disorder which would eventually befall their subordinates.

Medical-In-Confidence

ORD LOH!