Since i had a little of time on my hands now decided to do another post before thursday or friday when i next bookout. Just went around singapore with my cousins in what is their first visit here. tiring as went trodden over Chinatown to Merlion etc. and still could not find the book i was looking for at bras basah just now.. but never mind that.
was just thinking bout the year that has been and the year that will be.. and how this year is gonna different from the past 2 yr. well. The past 2 yr sort of came as a package and well as i said many times before, it has been one hell of a ride. one i would not have thought possible if you asked me 2 yrs ago. and i think army will definitely not compare to that. but who knows?
and thus for the first time i shall write about army life.. a general entry with names changed again to protect not theirs but my identity for fear of punishment, 'charges' and everything inclusive.
Army have been sort of random at the beginning, having slack days and real tiring ones in no particular order at all.. but now after bout 3 wks? it has settled into a cycle. with upper limbs one day and lower limbs the other. both equally exhausting and by every means torturous, on both mind and body. still have not really got suited into army lifestyle.. the huge gap between those with power and those under it. the way the former is able to punish the latter for seemingly innocuous stuff and being able to scold at the latter and laugh with the others at the same time. and thus my conclusion.. the physical strains of the army could be overcome by an indomitable will but the mental pressure they set you.. the scolding and the way they make you fear bringing the whole team down.. is painful.. for me at least.. every short march is a gruelling experience, with me fearing of putting one step out of line or one hand out of sync. and from others, i know my marching aint anywhere near perfect.. especially sine i have this habit of walking with my toes hitting the ground first cos i feel its faster to pick up speed and much more lifting if i walk that way.. or just because it is just an old habit. just have to change.. and there is this thing called the route march.. which turned from enjoyable for the first, to gruelling in the second to unfeeling in the third (for me, 4th for the rest.) and there is the weapon.. i have always since young been facisnated by them... not that i am an extremely violent kinda person (sometimes i am, but those burst are rare) but i just liked them.. though i like swords and blades better.. and if i was born in ancient times i would have been a swordsmith. anyway. i cant help to think bout the gun.. have it killed before in its life which is longer than mine? Was it part of a war once? Viet War or Korea War perhaps? or even world war 2? has it been a hero's companion once? or was it nothing but cold metal, made to train soldiers like us who would not even use them in times of war? somehow the least appealing of the answers (ie the last) seems the most possible. and it has been more than a handicap than an assitance.. with us having to drag it all along and the many rules concerning it and the way we have to protect it 'with our lives'.. i mean its honorable for a knight to protect his sword with his life.. but a weapon decades old that have not been chosen by the soldier nor chose the soldier but a piece of metal forcefully forced into his hands as his so called 'wife'.. but nevertheless.. i am fine with the weapon.. so dun sue me or anything for not loving my weapon.. and i killed with it.. albeit it was only an ant crawling too near the butt of the gun while i was bored.
and talking bout weapons i was thinking one night in camp bout what if war broke out.. i definitely dun think i am ready for one.. for one thing i am not ready to fight.. my daydreams are filled with plans of glorious last stands and cool phrases in times like that.. one i thought of was 'give me a gun and magazine and i shall kill my enemies with it and when i run out of bullets i will use the bayonet and pierce through as many as i could and when my bayonet is blunted i shall use the butt of my weapon as a club and break as many more as i could and when the weapon is but one piece of junk i shall discard it and fight with my bare fists until my knuckles are broken and my body weary and then and there i shall plant myself into the ground and stare at my enemies and then i shall rest.' shall insert it into the story i am writing somewhere.. but the real me aint ready for war.. i mean.. its a scary prospect.. of killing.. dun think i will ever be capable of doing so.. its difficult to incapitate say a chicken.. let alone a man, capable of dreams and everything i could..
anyway.. this is one cool new year wish i found on neil gaiman's..
May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't to forget make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.
and yeah.. i wish everyone the same thing too..
time to get ready to book in..
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