of numbers

hello. yes. i'm back from land of non-alcoholic beer and pubs selling blueberry syrup also known as Brunei Darrusallam. Unlike previous trips, i do not have any pictures this time, forgot the camera amongst the million stuff i brought there. But Brunei was ok. not awesome. slightly worst than expected. especially the ppl there. but yeah. who cares? I'm done with going overseas and into forests with the organisation. almost done anyway.

And its 49 days. to what i would have once called freedom and what my parents call unemployment in this great snakes and ladders game of life. And as i approach it, and as life gets better, the feeling gets wierder. Like, i am not so sure i can call it freedom anymore cos it isn't. I mean, there's still lots after the organisation, responsibilities, authority things like that. And perhaps i never will be totally free. But yeah. the end of these 49 days is still a day i look forward to day and night and every half a minute in between them.

and talking bout number of days and milestones and such. Just watched 500days of summer with Reubs, Joko and Jon. While i wouldn't deny that its a great show. unorthodox, but nonetheless a good movie. I found it too close to heart to be comfortable with. and so too do Jon. You know months back i wrote something bout the so called myth of uniquity, bout how our lives cease to be unique at some point, bout how sometimes you see a movie or hear a song that you say 'damn, that's my story' and that suddenly you see all around you that everyone's having the same feeling? This is one of those movie. especially to me and perhaps Jon. You know how sometimes this kinda stuff evoke memories, and perhaps feelings long gone? feelings of frustration and anger, of denial and angst. And when you hope the protagonist does the thing you always wanted to do, perhaps at that moment where the lives collide, that guy in the movie just does what you actually did, like walk away and say, 'Hey, all the best, i wish you well' or something like that instead of pushing her off the cliff or taking out a pistol and say 'hasta la vista, baby' or something. Or perhaps slapping the girl or something when told of the news instead of going to a bed to languish for days.

That's why i like south park. That's why i like traditional alpha-male action movies like the old james bonds and taken and stuff like that. That guy in there is just so unlike us. We know we can never be him, and we don't want to. But sometimes we just want that escape. that moment of madness to be shown on a big screen with good sound system.

But yes. In case anyone's wondering, i'm fine. Just thought that the above was something i held to myself for too long now and that now that it does not play any significant role anywhere, like world war I espionage reports or something, perhaps it can finally be written.

but nonetheless, a toast to all the Toms in the world to find Autumn.

and Jon, your toast will come tomorrow. my place.