putting my iTunes on shuffle

[1.49pm] "me and all my friends, we're all misunderstood'

Its been a fun night with the guys, chilling out with the alcohol and the games. Waking up with a blocked nose and a more than tired mind, it would serve me much better to catch more sleep. Lost, however, will the thoughts be, if i do not write them down now.

[1.53pm] shuffle forward 5 times, "what is to be must be."

Its hard to write though, for as i have written before, the feeling is still kinda difficult to fathom. Its not the end you see, Its a beginning of another life. A double life perhaps. One where things will be really different. I mean, there are people i will meet for everyday of my life in my close future now. But it would be hard not meeting these people i have met weekly for the past 8 years of my life.

[2.04pm] Lunch. "and the water rolls down the drain."

Things will change. Drinking perhaps will lose its fun. And so may football. And perhaps it may not. but change is the only constant isn't it? I'm sure i wouldn't find another striker who would want to dribble past the whole opponent team, who remembers everyone he played against, who would want to go back to people of ancient times to bamboozle them with his fantastic football skills.

[2.11pm] "human nature took the best of me."

Or drink with a person who would not stop once alcohol touches his lips. Who finishes a cup of vodka as quickly as though it was nothing but plain water. Or with another who likes to drink but falls near unconcious after a few beers. Or play board games with the like, with someone who'd declare the game a bore after a round or two. who'd whip out a iphone to access facebook when everyone else is engaged in conversation.

[2.18pm] "open up my eager eyes"

Or befriending an Opera singer. who's also a lawyer. Or having a friend who comes over even in sickness, even when he's just booked out.

[2.21pm] 'and while i'm away'

I have always wanted to think of myself as a global citizen, whose roots are entrenched not in soil but in the water or air, floating about, able to uproot and replant myself whenever i require. After all, I've moved more than once. More than most people i'd presume. Crossing the straits multiple times when i am but years old. But truth is, staying too long here has grown me roots, perhaps a good thing, perhaps a bad. But these roots will hopefully stay. For to cut these roots now will cause unbearable pain to me.

[2.26pm] 'up up down down, left right left right B A start, just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart'

But it would a year again at least for us to gather round a table again. For perhaps a meal or a drink. Things i would very much like to do after this year passes.

[2.30pm] 'know your name, and go your own way'

And sometimes i want to be a Jedi, one who could tap into the wisdom of the force, to perhaps understand this need to depart better, or just to cope with doing so better. Which is not to say i do not know why i am doing all this for. Why am i spending half a million for. I hate growing. It brings along responsibilities and troubles, and worries about the future.

[2.38pm] forward 11 songs. 'Don't you worry, sometimes you just have to let it ride'

And perhaps sometimes you do. And perhaps things will be better than i fear it would be. Or perhaps the change will be less drastic than i am afraid it would be.

[2.41pm] 'There's a long black cloud following me'

Hopefully when i pass through the gates again soon, i would be sad.

Till next time.