the hole in the wall.

It was a square. With lots of square in it. A grid made of metal, painted black. Something that i always stood at, with my hands hanging through two of the grids, when i am feeling ponderous and perhaps emo. A place that usually clears out my mind, providing solutions to looping questions.

It wasn't much of a view, a S bend winding through a narrow seperation of high-rise homes, which obstructs almost everything else. I could also see a bus stop though, and a multi-storied carpark. And just a little of a playground. And there wasn't much people, at least not in the dead nights where i looked out upon that empty street. And sometimes there are cars. Sometimes just that lone vehicle or two. And sometimes there's the moon, though not commonly so. And stars are even less incidental, perhaps just a couple on a good clear night.

But its not the view. Its not what i can see. Its the knowledge that its my view. Its a perspective that none shared. Not at detail anyway. Those nearby has close comparisons, but who could say that they see exactly the same things that i have? And its in that knowledge, and in that view that i seeked answers that was truly my own. Answers that came to me not from anyone else, perhaps not from heaven, yet quite surely not from hell. Perhaps it was, but that in itself, perhaps, is not for me to know. To others it probably ranks next better than staring into a blank wall. But yeah. to me, that was the greatest view in the world.

And here. 3776 miles away from home. I am missing that little opening of mine. And perhaps i am being a little like the frog in the well. But i dare say, that frog even when he's out of the well, will miss that small little piece of sky he was so familiar with for so long.

Feeling ponderous. But i am facing four white brick walls.

Its ironic. I used to be restricted in a room that represented freedom and i'm now in a room free to do whatever i want at whatever time i like that looks like a prison cell. Chew on that.

Wow. first proper post in so long.

till nxt time.

And I love you so,
The people ask me how,
How I've lived till now
I tell them I don't know

I guess they understand
How lonely life has been
But life began again
The day you took my hand

And yes I know how lonely life can be
Shadows follow me
The night won't set me free
But I don't let the evening get me down
Now that you're around me

And you love me too
Your thoughts are just for me
You set my spirit free
I'm happy that you do

The book of life is brief
Once the page is read
All but love is dead
This is my belief