of old things.

So its that time again.That time of year, where i get consumed with thoughts and reflections about the year past and the year's that's coming. Of struggles that I perhaps had, and those that would perhaps face soon. Its the time of the year that i try to think of a word or a phrase or a line from somewhere to in a way catalogue the year that has been. And yup. So here am I, lying semi-supine in my bed, trying to sort the random jumble of words in my brain into coherent sentences that perhaps i could understand.

So. here goes?

You know how they say that you wouldn't know how much you need/like/love something until you lost it. Well, in a way, this year is kinda summed up by that. I remember the initial doubt of facing melbourne. The fear and, alright, perhaps not so much of the fear, i remember looking forward to melbourne actually. It kinda felt like a new adventure. Which on hindsight, it is. And yeah, going there however, meant that i had to make sacrifices. I spent a year away from my family and friends. The simple pleasures of watching breakfast shows on TV in chinese, or not doing your own laundry was sorely missed. Things, i perhaps would not even think about if i had continued staying here. And food, oh how i missed the food. The simple things like beef noodles, or fried carrot cake. Oh how i missed them. But yep, it has been a great year and It would be unfair of me to dwell on the stuff that i missed while I'm there. For I had a great time there, learning about things i truly want to learn about, and learning to live independently, or as my parents constantly remind me, pseudo-independently. But I've learnt a great deal in the process, not things like how to cook or how to do my own laundry, or financial planning or things like that. I've learnt things I did not know about myself, and rediscovered some things. And perhaps, the new 'me' i found and believe in may be just a passing phrase and may be unrecognisable say 5 years from now. Its great to finally feel as though i know myself.

And now I'm back, I've realised just how much freedom I have had there and how much i sorely missed it. How i missed the late nights and the guiltless beers. The just sitting around in my room doing nothing kinda feeling. Being able to eat out whenever i want to, and at whatever time i want to. Oh How i missed that. I missed the slower pace of life of melbourne, I miss feeling not everything is about money, and that there are much more things than that. I miss holding my guitar in my hands and singing to myself, telling myself 'No woman, No cry' or 'Let it be'. I still do that here in singapore of course. But it just feels different facing four empty walls and sorta hoping someone out there could and would hear you.

It would be great, if i could combine just the good parts of both places and yeah, live it as one. But it would apparently seem that that is unattainable, at least not so in the near future, or for most parts of the foreseeable one. And so until perhaps that is a real option, it ain't bad having it in the ratio i have it now eh, 9 mths of freedom, 3 mths of fun.

I'm turning 21 in a week.

It seems just yesterday i was turning 18, 19, 20 and now today.

Was just reading past entries around my birthday, and it sure did bring a chuckle to my mouth as i look through the past. After all, it was the same guy who declared himself independent as a marquisdom, the same guy who insisted in writing an edict to his 'people' every birthday. What great times eh?

21? Bring on the key, bring on freedom, bring on adulthood.

I'm waiting on you with open arms. I really am. I've built my castle, and my armour, I've polished my sword, my shield and my gauntlets. Now bring on the dragons, and the princesses. I'm ready.