well i promised you a post like 5 days ago.
sorry was only able to write it now
cos as you know
i have been kinda busy.
sorry. haha.

一个月了，
梦想，也算实现了吧。
等待，也是等待着每个礼拜的到来。
就说声谢谢你吧。
谢谢。

don't really know what to write.
cos i think i already write most of my stuff in my msges.
and you know where.
but thks,
my star.

disbelieve.

just decided to write it down before my euphoria dies off. well. today marks the passing of yet another milestone in my life. kinda overwhelmed and in disbelieve now. I mean i had put in effort, alot of it. but i didn't expect 4As. sort of like what thuram was feeling when he scored both goals in the 1998 world cup match against croatia. damn happy. if happy is enough to describe what i am feeling right now. and i mean, after studying like daily from morn to night for close to like 8 mths. at least it paid off.

and now for the next steps. scholarships( if possible) and university admissions.

nth much else. till nxt time..

to everyone out there. enjoy your night.

Remember the first.

its just one more full week to POP week. and yeah. to tell the truth. i feel relieved. For things have not been exactly smooth sailing in camp the past weeks with all the changes and troubles caused by a certain someone, whom i shall name N whose behavior currently i do not believe befits a commander and certainly unfair to say the least. which leaves me here once again disillusioned with army life and indifferent to ranks. but yeah. who cares about commanders. like i said, i do not care shit bout the so called 'integrity' of the platoon or company or whatever they say it is. but what i do care, is for the men inside these groupings. the brothers we undergo fire and hell with. I mean, they could rename the company or even disband it. but my friends will stay my friends and my brothers will stay my brothers. and so hang in there my friends, all this will be over soon.

Remember the first,
day we met,
total strangers,
unsure and shy.

Remember the first,
steps we ran.
Brothers in arms,
comrades in step.

Remember the first,
time we marched,
waves of motion,
steps uncertain.

Remember the first,
time we kissed the floor,
pain in our arms,
steel in our hearts.

Remember the first,
bullets fired.
Me with the rifle,
you right behind.

Remember the first,
nights outfield.
neath the stars,
and towering trees.

Remember the first,
songs we sang.
pushing our spirits,
echoing through the ranks.

Remember the first,
Quarrels we had,
flaming words,
yet never burned to heart.

and remember the first,
of everything.
of pain and joy,
of broken backs and dripping sweat.
for it shall be remembered by me at least.
as the first
and only.

yeah. haha. sort of emoing in prelude to pop. haha. after all one will make friends after staying 3 mths under the same roof in the same room with the same ppl. talking cock everyday, taking shit everyday, doing rubbish everyday, singing songs everyday, making fun of each other everyday. yeah. thanks guys. We had one hell of a time.

anyway. on another note. saturdays are always the best day of the week. :)
(so are sundays when both of us are free)

nth much else..

till nxt time...

its been a long and tiring week. with all the skills training and then 16km route march on friday. and its not helped by the commanders becoming less and less reasonable with each passing day.but yeah. can tahan. yesterday went to reub's birthday party. quite fun. talking rubbish like the old times.

nth much else.. lacking some writing inspiration.

back from situation

Just back from sit test. which is kinda fun despite its agonizingly fast fast march in the morning. The rest of it was pretty slack, walking from station to station doing rambo missions. but sit test did set me thinking about leadership school again. Once i had given it up, due to my poor physical abilities, but now i think being able to lead, its an interesting proposition. but still, i dun think i am able to take the training even if they let me in. Imagine, here am i struggling in even BMT. not to say command school. and then there is the time prospect, having already very very limited time out, i am already busy, can i still go to command school and waste further more of my time? there are people out there whom deserve more of my time but sadly i couldn't give it to them. so yeah.

and just some thoughts i formulated during field camp, some of those sudden sparks of brilliance that even i get suprised by my brilliance. like 'you have to trust to trust someone' or 'those who fears love, loves fear' or ' there are so many of us, and we could not expect everyone to have the same level of morale, or for everyone to sing on and on and on for the distance, but what i can do is to sing whatever i can, to care for as many as i can, to raise the morale of as many as i can and then, we will pull through.'. haha. and thks U4, for being such understanding section mates, will never forget you guys man, even after pop or anything. yeah.

again,
by the time you read this,
i shall have drifted off to sleep in camp.
how i wish i could need not go.
or you too, to not leave.
to hold you,
in my arms forever,
and to hear your voice,
like i used to everyday.
how i missed those good old days,
whole days of you.
but given a choice,
i will still choose the present.
For its good ain't it?
this feeling. and yes.
if i can help it,
it'll never end.

we took our time so far.
and i guess we shall continue to do so.
for that is what the stars have said,
isn't it?
this pace is good.

Day 3

Day 3.
Obviously, i'm still learning the ropes.
sometimes i don't know what i am supposed to do.
But yeah, I will learn,
and i must learn.
and i am just thankful,
that you're mine now.

So please,
do not be downcast.
For a star couldn't shine when she is sad.
I know you should be,
for it would mean that you're heartless,
if you didn't feel anything.
and I know, I am not exactly in any position to really say anything,
'cept to ask you to cheer up
and yeah, ensure that your sacrifices and choices will not be
to waste.

The world may find out about us
one day.
In fact, they perhaps already do.
but there's nothing to fear,
nothing to be shy about.
not when your hand's in mine.
For when it is,
I feel like the proudest man on the planet,
like a knight,
with a celebrated sword by his side.
So yeah.
Thanks once again.

My parents lectured me again just now,
telling me i still didn't know the world,
and its dangers,
and i do not know what i want in life.
And i agree, i do not know of such dangers,
nor what i want in life.
But i do know, if there be dangers,
I will pull through with you beside me.
My future is by no means certain,
but what i can do, is to cherish the present.

Its gonna be a long week,
with you working and me serving
the nation.
but i'll look forward to next weekend.
and seeing you again.

Day 2

Day 2.
3 hours of bliss.
Not gonna sway into any pressure.
I've waited so long,
and nothing's gonna change my direction now.

and yeah
I dun care what consequence it brings,
I have been a fool for lesser things,
I need you so bad,
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time.

yes. all went well.
the wonders a little valor could do.
thanks.

preCNY

Just booked out and this time, chinese new year feels abit different cos i am spending it with just my immediate family in singapore. and its just wierd. how i hated travelling 8 hrs up and down the highway just to meet relatives i hardly know and visiting here and there.. but now even before chinese new year officially started, i am missing it already. Now feel that although i may love singapore and serve in the army and believe myself to be a citizen of the world, deep down inside, i will always be a malaysian, however corrupt and a shithole of a place it is. after all its where all my roots are.

Also. well. as i said.
I am expecting something.
not from anyone.
but from myself.
Just that little bit of courage.
I know you have
shown me all you could
given me all you can give.
and its time
i guess
for me to take it.
just that little valor.


anyway. to everyone. wishing you a very prosperous and happy chinese new year.

Morning.

Good morning isn't it?
Nothing special happened.
but just by being with
someone special.
though neither will acknowledge it.
due to certain inconveniences.
the morning is just simply brighter.
Went with expectations of something more,
perhaps something i never experienced before.
after all, after last night,
one would be expectant.
nothing happened.
as i always cant seem to get it out once i see that face of yours.
but its ok.
I'm satisfied for now.
But one day.
soon.
I hope.
Finally,
what i hope.
will come true.
and for that.
i wish upon your star.

I wont see you till nxt wk.
cruel. it is. a little.
and by the time you read this,
if you ever will.
i will be in camp.
but yeah.
at least i am looking forward again.
Just dun break me again.
please.