four mid-autumns.

'And they were all there to meet me,
In the shade of the old oak tree.'

Its the mid-autumn festival again. The day that they say, the moon is at its roundest, most perfect form of the entire year. Yet too, they say, that the moon is always rounder back home. Yes. Its one of those days, and those posts about me missing home again.

I can assure you that these days do not happen every other day. In fact, I think it happens far less for me compared to the average international student. But i believe that there are dates, set by people long past, about times where we should feel a certain way. And somehow, there's this need of me to honour these dates and stuff. Some call me old, my mind that of an old man. But i guess, in a way, that's respecting culture and tradition.

On this day 15 yrs ago. I would be in Chong Pang, away from my extended family, but closest to my parents. They will push my sister on a tram, or was she walking by then? and one of them will hold on to one small hand of mine, while my other will be firmly grasped around a lantern, was it a dinosaur? green? blue? purple? The details get faded it seems. But we would walk, 4 of us, a core family unit, around our neighbourhood. Past that police post right at our doorstep, to the community centre and my school right across our block. around, back, and perhaps enjoy some mooncake and sleep.

Then 5 years later. I was in Malaysia, Subang. Where i would celebrate this day with my neighbours, the few of us who all go to the same school, whose parents know each other's parents. We would once again, parade with our lanterns. And its a little clearer this time. Its a dinosaur again. A purple one, the shape of one of those plant eating kind. And i remember now, the one when i was younger was a superhero, of unknown faction, probably just a knock-off by some chinese factory. But back to 10 yrs ago, me and my friends then, we would place candles in nicely positioned piles. And light them, trying to create a huge fire. And we would jump with joy when it crackled and burn and would add little pieces of grass and stick to it. And just when we get excited, our parents will without fail come, put down their tea and mooncakes, and put out the fire and tell us to stop. And we would, for secretly we know, that tomorrow in school, we would say we created the biggest fire yet.

And 5 years further on, when i was 15 going on 16, I had no more liking for such playthings. I was an adult in my eyes already. So as my sister begged to go walk with her lantern, i refused. And perhaps i hurt her then. For that, I'm sorry. For when we grow up, sometimes, we forget what is it like to be young. What, or how we might have thought. When we grow older it seems, we tend to forget the important things. Like how amazing cars are. Or why is the sky blue. Or that superman exists. And sometimes, we don't event acknowledge that we forgot them. Attributing them to, 'we grew up'. And in that way, we get chased out of narnia.

And just a year ago, this day was like any other. I was in camp. Doing the usual stuff. Not even knowing the day has came. Perhaps at the smoking corner i realised the moon was round that night. Perhaps i didn't.

And today came. I am having a celebration come the next night. And hopefully, I can see the moon.