And this year. I wish to be water, my friend.

And its once again 11/12, That fateful night of which 22 years ago, i was born to this world. It has been a good year, definitely. My 2 new ukes, finishing pre-clins, awesome food, awesome people, and then nepal. One might think it would be difficult to match that and next year will fail to live up to expectations. After all, this year was not without its disappointments, with some of them threatening to manifest into even greater disappointments by this time next year. But then again, i think its impossible to feel bad on your birthday. And then there's the lunar eclipse of course, which makes the occasion perhaps, even rarer.

Thank you everyone.

Nepal

And there are two explainations for my lack of posts, both for the significant milestone of the ending of my pre-clinical years and my great trip to the land of Never Ending Peace And Love (NEPAL for short). One of them is simple, its down to pure, utter laziness and a good dose of procastination. Another is more grand, sounds better, but many would dismiss it as an excuse, but to me its somewhat true. I find myself liking to wait a few days, a week or two, and let the initial euphoria die off before thinking back about it and then writing a few words. It makes for good reflection, or so i hope.

So.

Nepal in one word, was amazing. You know it is a good day when you wake up in a freezing temperature to see the sun slowly illuminating first the more distant hills, then the nearer ones, then finally shining on the one you are on. Then eat a simple meal prepared by monks before heading out to treat the ill and needy, and finally rounding off the days being swarmed by local children as you sculpt and handout balloons. I don't mind being the pied piper of balloons, its kinda fun. There are hardly any traffic lights in nepal, and horns are used excessively on the roads, there are hardly any big cars, and i don't think anyone could navigate as well as they could in any part of the world. There are of course, also snow mountains, visible within a couple of hours trek for any local in any town perhaps. It is something too, to sit on the plane, and point and say, that's the highest point of our planet. Its something surreal, something explainably cool about it. I have not climbed it, but now i live to tell my descendants that I, saw the top of the world. And maybe, just perhaps one day, I would climb it.

I could go on and on, but that would just defeat the purpose of this post. But truth be told, i miss Kathmandu, i miss its busy streets and crowded neighbourhoods, its messy traffic and its colourful history. Of course, all this from the comfort of the Hyatt Regency.

There's a song somewhere in scraps of paper i wrote about Kathmandu. Hopefully i could find it.

Till then.

Namaste.

Beast

Sometimes i want a average life. You know, be perhaps a blacksmith, or a luthier, graduate from my apprenticeship at age 21. Find a common girl, and marry and then lead a somewhat average life with few indulgences and fewer desires. And wonder if how life like that would be amazingly good and perhaps enjoyable.

And then its then that i know, deep inside, the Wong would never accept that. He would want the dragon-slaying adventures and the maiden you have to fight past a horde of orcs, the lady stuck in a tower by witches, or the one accursed with a million year sleep. And somewhere, there's another who's willing to live his life as a outcast and a beast, just to wait for the right belle. Another who's willing to be cursed to be a frog, to wait for the heart of gold that would break the curse.

And i guess its the hardest, when the frog, or the beast, see the maiden right in front of him. Surrounded by courtsmen from kingdoms vast and rich. And yet find himself helpless to the situation. And sometimes perhaps, like once again, she is just the person that would make you go look for the star, and then actually find the star. And then hopefully, Someone out there is thinking the same thing.

Its the 88th minute, and i probably have a couple of shots left before full time and having to wait for the next match. Which judging by my performance, i'd not be first team again.

Oh wells.

The beast lives tonight.

Reflections on long travels

I admire gamemakers. A good gamemaker is a philosopher, a worldsmith, a crafter of dreams of sorts. Able to make sense of this nonsense and then convert it into a format that does.

And i was just thinking, in any good rpg theres the epic boss battles and cut scenes as well as good story lines. But then there will also be quests that make you think 'this is pointless'. But that doesnt make the game bad, in fact it sort of reflects real life. When sometimes u are summonned across the city just to pick up a couple of messages that could have been picked up on the phone.

Hungry, tired and sick but a more active than usual brain.

Till better times.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfxVNRwrrwo&feature=feedrec_grec_index

Of farewells

I am not good at farewells. Not good at saying goodbyes. I've tried everything, from the old 'going-out-with-a-bang' to the 'slip-out-the-back-before-they-know-you-were-there'. The short and sweet fare thee wells, and the long dragged out slow dcresendo of friendships. Live long and Prospers and May the force be with you. Yet today, it seems that i am faced with another impending farewell yet again. I'm sorry, perhaps the farewell itself isn't the worse, its the period leading up to it.

Just recieved news of my posting next year to the Alfred, though that means that i've got my first choice and am able to stay with a couple of my best friends, it also means that i have to say goodbye to many of my other friends who sadly will be posted elsewhere. In the lecture an hour ago, while many were still estatic or heartbroken by their placements, i had suddenly the knowledge, that that could have well been one of our last lectures together. It's these moments where you suddenly look back at the two years that has almost past and look at the people who you've interacted with, and know that that's perhaps the last time you'd really interact with them, to really sit down in the same tutorial or even the same lecture hall to discuss stuff.

Its these moments where you suddenly think, where will everyone be next year. How would everyone be doing. And of course, where would she be.

Que Sera Sera my friend.

High, higher, higherer

And with the VIAs truly and surely upon me, like a dark cloud or something over the horizon. My mind have been forced to abandon its seek for the fun, sun and love and turn to more scholarly aspects of my life. Just a nicer way i supposed of saying, I'm finally motivated enough to study. Even then, i find myself more motivated to be distracted than to actually focus on my studies.

I find myself thinking (Caution: Med geek talk to follow) what if i was a certain hormone (TSH) or a certain enzyme, will i like my job? Will i be content to be just a messenger, a second messenger at that, to forward instructions on to further down the chain. Will i be happy that i will always need a co-factor, or co-worker to help me, or would that make my job a hell more interesting. And then i tried to think from above, like if i was the guy on top, the literal brain of the organisation. How would i manage this whole system. I mean, positive feedbacks are easy to work with, i do something, they feel right about it, and i increase output further. But negative feedback? I'm not sure if i could handle that that well. I mean, how willing would i be to put in so much effort in creating something, only for that guy to give me negative feedback? Would I be cool with that? Or would i simply dismantle the whole system there and then.

And then my daydreams get further away, i start thinking of the even higher above, of did he think of such things when he was designing us, or did he purposely set things up this way. After all there must be a higher power, i mean nothing would grow up and say 'I want to be a second messenger!' right? And then i tell myself, I'm just thinking of rubbish. At when another part of my brain says, 'hey wait a moment, we might be onto something here, the secret of life! The answer to the question of what's the question to the ultimate answer of life, universe and everything!'. Which the original boring part of my brain retorts 'No way, that's just lame'. And another part of brain joins in and say 'Hey could it be that you are part of the divine, sent here to stop me from discovering the answer to life!' and it builds on just like that, more diverse and crazy views one after another, joining in the giant public debate in my mind. Its called synapsing i think, something like synergy. All until one part of me says 'Enough!' 'Time for a break'. At which everyone agrees that perhaps getting more glucose is more important than whatever issue is at hand. All except that one voice who thinks he's on the verge of discovering the answer, still thinking that everyone is just being confused and distracted by higher powers, who would dissolve into nothingness if the brain actually sat down to work together to figure them out.

In centuries past, this could actually be considered blasphemy and i could be burnt, then hung, then drowned or something like that.

And also, i think i've sorta decided to move to tumblr, just not sure when. And a big thank you to all who have been here past, present or perhaps future. But that, is content for another post another day. haha.

Till next time.

Decision point.

I know i have only 3 readers maximum, so the choice is simple. to move to tumblr or not to move.

Just one chance. hopefully.

A little gambit.

That didn't really work.

2-7 off suits.

There are times in poker where you get a 2-7 off suit, yet you flop a pair of deuces and an ace on the table. Then you think, damn that's a great flop. And you think of doing all sorts of gambits and bets, and gambles to maximise your winnings.

But then you hold back those chips, you breathe in, and instead, you do the finger tap.

Check.

Action on you.

(And you hope no one is holding pocket aces)

I kinda fear you find this place,
I fear you perhaps won't hang out with me anymore.

I kinda want you to find this place,

So you know perhaps what i want to say.

Intoxication of a different sort.

Inspirational

Let me tell you something you already know.

The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.

It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.

You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.

But it ain't about how hard ya hit.

It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward.

How much you can take and keep moving forward.

That's how winning is done!

Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth.

But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody!
Cowards do that and that ain't you!
You're better than that!

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And of course, the question now is,

Have i found another you.

Cowardice

And the last we heard of him, was yet again nothing.

Let us move back a little in time, for hindsight, is perfect, and perhaps stories should be. So back at where we last left our hero. Betrayed by his sword, and cut by his own blade, our hero was back to where he first began, without a sword and without a name of his own. Troubled by his past and pessimistic of the future, the hero travelled across the great ocean, 'to find his name again', as the local bard will say. Others yet will say, he is running from this land too familiar to him, too many bad memories some would say.

But to this new land he went, alone, and unarmed. But people here did not welcome him as the barbarian, he was the barbarian no more in his polished steel, his earthly wisdom, and his new-found charisma. The only person the barbarian did not find comfortable with is perhaps himself. Underneath the greetings and politeness he knows that the barbarian still hides somewhere, between the cracks on the floor, and above the ceiling boards.

Into recluse our hero went. He had a few friends, with whom he would gather sometimes to feast and to dine. He had a few needs, provided for by the new rich land beyond his requirements without end. He had even fewer wants, still wounded by his brush in the past. He was healing, some would argue he has healed, but we all know an injured arm will never be as good as the uninjured one.

But then one day, our hero decides to take a walk in the forest around his home to just have a look around. What harm would it cause you may ask. And truth be told, no harm came about. In fact, something a little wondrous happened.

There in the forest, in a little clearing, lies a sword emitting an eerie glow, not unlike his original sword. And though the sword did not call for him like it did last time, It was a really beautiful sword. And in the barbarian rose a little feeling. 'How nice it would be to hold a sword again', he asked himself in his head. He crept closer to the sword. It shone brighter to him. He knows that perhaps this is the sword for him.

So, we all know what happens after this.

But no. Instead of picking up the sword. The barbarian walks away, in cowardice.

He is still no knight after all.

Into the dark.

Thought trains

I know it has been long once again. Flooded by waves of assignment and school work, sometimes i feel unmotivated to write anything at all. But then again, that may be my plain laziness.

Just got back from celebrating my adopted countries national day. Well, adopted for me, but perhaps not from their perspective, for there's still a label attached to me that says I'm permanently residing in the country, yet not completely part of it yet. I would not go in the politics of that, in fear of incurring the wrath of a nation. But yes, for me at least, i certainly feel that i'm part of the country. And perhaps, one day i will be.

Its wierd how thought trains go across the vast plains of (in)sanity, one moment you could be singing and shouting loudly, as part of the crowd, part of the weeking shouting tirades of the brave new world, The next moment drinking beer, as i drown into my proletariat sorrows, becoming one with the working population, unthinking, mind numbed by the chemical made by the fermentation of wheat by yeast. Yet a few moments later, it is here, in the region of whimsical thought, of perhaps, maybes and what ifs of the future. A sudden rethink of my future prospect, well, not a sudden rethink, more of a affirmation. An idealistic affirmation, but nonetheless something i hope to accomplish one day.

And therein lies all the conflict of oneself, and the trappings of life. The eternal struggle between ideals and pragmatism. The car or the donation to the Aids foundation, the house or the home, The body in the casket, or the transplantation of skin to burn victims. I am glad to be of a relatively rare, yet unneeded blood type, namely AB+, that i am spared from the dillemma of donations, which perhaps is the first of these conflicts of life. I am young, and by definition, idealistic. I ,while on the ride home, thought of donating all but a minimal amount of my salary to charity, of perhaps one day being able to then write a biography titled 'The richest man on earth' or 'The poorest doctor', of perhaps one day emulating my heroes of aiding the poor, and healing the sick. And then you might tell me, 'hey, isnt that the wrong kind of motivation?' To be honest, I don't have a clue. I know not whether i'm right or wrong. Hopefully more right than wrong.

slightly less than 3 and a half year to go. Lets see how i think 3 years down the road shall we?

Compassion.

Its 4 hours till i head towards the airport, signalling the end of my holidays. And something makes me very aware of the seconds ticking past, too aware. Like palpitations in a cardiac patient. now its 3 hours and 40 minutes. time passes too fast. too too fast.

Einstein could've written something on it, I do not know. But time seems to be kinda elastic. Especially this last few days, where time seems to be stretched to its maximum. appointments, assignments, visits. As always when my time is ending.

I really need to use my time more evenly.

And without much of a hoorah, or much of a bang, the exams are over. (thank goodness for that). Its great. to suddenly feel relieved of the literally 100 kilos of books. ok maybe just 50. but yeah. I'm glad to be relieved of them.

And now for a well-deserved break. And perhaps a couple of beers.

CV

Studying medicine, have perhaps one disadvantage. It shows us perhaps that deep down, however idealistic and cheery of us, there's one part of us, perhaps lying somewhere deep in our basal ganglia. That says, life is futile.

But studying medicine, also teaches us, that although that may be true, that pathway is normally inhibited. Perhaps by the dopaminergic pathway, or perhaps GABA-ergic. But whichever the case, I think i am writing nonsense. and should probably hit the books again.

Cardiovascular risk factors:
Smoking
Hypertension
Diabetis
Hyperlipidemia
Chronic Renal Failure
History of cardiac attacks
Past Family Hx
Male
Age.
Obesity and lack of exercise
raised homocysteine levels... and the list goes on.

Hello Greta.

http://forzadiego.blogspot.com/2010/08/thanks.html

I know, i know. Its kinda narcissitic to link back to my old post. But yeah, part of my school required me to write a reflective piece on a 'critical incident of my medical school life'. What better, than to write on something i already written on. But then again, i don't think they'll take kindly to this kind of reflection.

But yeah, I kinda wonder how are those guys now. Touched my heart, they really did.

And as i turn to my books in preparation for yet another exam. I find myself slightly less interested in the mechanisms of the nephron, but more interested in why its spelt 'absorb' but 'reabsorption' yet 'reabsorbed' and 'absorbing'

My kidneys will die if they know that i am troubled with that instead of their immensely confusing mechanisms.

I want to be a doctor. Really.

And we inch another step closer to the exams. And Now home beckons right beyond the horizon. And have i become a unknowing fool of my own doing. But that's a question for perhaps another day.

For now the books beckon.

[update 23/05/2011 1:45am] West ham is losing once more. and the world seems to be busy watching somewhere else. A feeling of loneliness. perhaps.

'They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, well its better than drinking alone"

and two years more.

And with the exams fast approaching, i find myself hunting for motivation again. It have been a routine thing, for someone whose stress levels bear no real correlation to motivation which thus does not correlates to work done. You see, I am one who, as i would like to belief, needs to see the point of doing something before i embark on doing it. My track record of doing so many pointless exercises on the way may exclude that fact, but yeah. I need an aim.

And here's where many will say, "I thought you wanted to be a doctor, that whole thing about saving people?". Which is essentially true. but i find myself lacking the motivation as i pull myself through every exam, with the imminentity of a life stuck in the rat race beckoning right at the horizon. I still hold that dream, of one day supporting a happy family with a clinic i open, where i peg prices to perhaps the patients ability to pay. And maybe complete a little part of 'From each according to his ability, to each according to his need' And its a place i have little doubt i would reach one day. One day. Now that's where my lack of motivation lies. As the school, and general world continues to spin faster and faster, i find myself increasingly isolated as one who wants to slow down instead of speed up. Sure my studies are important, perhaps supposedly the most important thing that should be in my life right now. But am i wrong to perhaps want a little more space to breath, to perhaps contemplate the vastness of interstellar space, to make music, to indulge in food, and see the world. For what better time for us to do all these but now in the prime of our youth. Should we really speed through our every day, bury ourselves in books and notes, and fast track into working life. Perhaps its me, trying to justify my lack of work. But i find myself tired, playing this infinite game of catching up with life, or perhaps i know deep down, that I, want to take it slower, maybe read outside my chosen field, some fiction perhaps. Watch some TV, have some laughs.

I'm sure no one would disagree, that life exists beyond the medical field, beyond studies. But, then everyone would argue, that that life can wait. And besides what i have just written above, i could not find myself a logical reason i could disprove that. And Perhaps that's why. Its Illogical.

I find myself thinking of getting myself a good long break after this year. Take a year off, travel. See the world. Have fun. Get a job, perhaps teaching. perhaps working at the aquarium, or with conservation jobs. But knowing me. Its hard for me to get started on my multitude of dreams. But yeah. Its something i want to do. Perhaps a year off after i graduate, but the overwhelming response is that i should enter the workforce immedietely, something about learning things or smth there. So perhaps a couple of years more, maybe after i've done my internship. And then what, oh yes, i have housemanship to get into, so two more years for that, and then two more years for yet another thing, and then yet another. And then i find myself bogged down, work, perhaps family, perhaps both.

Which is perhaps what would most likely happen.

And so i go on. Wouldn't someone tell me what should i do.

Till then.

Day 12

Song from a band i hate. No. Dislike. haha. Hate too strong a word.

Day 11

After a suitable hiatus. Here is day 11. A song for my favourite band, which i will miss cos i'm going sydney 3 days after they perform there.

Day 10

A song i can sleep to. Instead of embedding it, i sang it.

day 9

Day 9 suppose to be a song i can dance to, but i really don't think anyone can dance to this. So lets just switch day 8 & 9 around eh? haha.

Day 8

Hell yeah, I know all the words to this song. I more than know them. I feel them.

GO and catch a falling star,
Get with child a mandrake root,
Tell me where all past years are,
Or who cleft the devil's foot,
Teach me to hear mermaids singing,
Or to keep off envy's stinging,
And find
What wind
Serves to advance an honest mind.

If thou be'st born to strange sights,
Things invisible to see,
Ride ten thousand days and nights,
Till age snow white hairs on thee,
Thou, when thou return'st, wilt tell me,
All strange wonders that befell thee,
And swear,
No where
Lives a woman true and fair.

If thou find'st one, let me know,
Such a pilgrimage were sweet;
Yet do not, I would not go,
Though at next door we might meet,
Though she were true, when you met her,
And last, till you write your letter,
Yet she
Will be
False, ere I come, to two, or three.
- John Donne

Found in the first page of stardust. Damn, I'm Mr Brightside.

Day 7

Day 7. of good times.

Day 6

Day 6. Somewhere out there. there's home.

Day 5

Day 5, Song that reminds me of someone.

The Wong Rule.

To friends, be true.

And don't eat on my bed.

Day 4

Song that makes me sad.

Day 3

Day 3. song that makes me happy.

Day 2

Least favourite song.

day 1

Day 1. Favourite song.

And my paper is in a little over 8 hours time.True its just 5%. but i somehow wish there's one person here to wish me good luck.

You see, i've tried to picture the man, to always have an open hand, to see him as the giving tree..

Pre-exams stress is hitting me again. and as always, when such happens, i find myself doing the opposite of the only thing that could perhaps stop myself from having such stress.

Clothes maketh the man

My shoes just arrived. Which sent me into this crazy, irrational (in a good way) sort of thought cycle. You know how Mark Twain once said that 'clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.' I kinda agree, maybe not in the way he meant. but certainly, what you wear definitely have alot to do with who you are.

Take me, (Warning: Beginning of what some, or most, may consider as nonsense) for example. I would like to think that my love, or lust, for leather is not only due to the fact that it looks nice, or that i think i feel comfortable in them. When i put on my leather jacket, i would like to think of myself as wearing a material that has stood the stand of time. The single unifying thing of man through the ages, from the caveman who discovered fire, to the roman legion, to the mongolian riders, to the cowboys of the wild west, to the pilots of the world wars, to the rockstars on stage. It is this material that has kept mankind from freezing out, kept the warrior from being pierced by an arrow, for the first sails to billow in the wind and spread mankind across the planet. And I would like to carry on that. The spirit of freedom, of independence, of unwavering strength through hardships, of being part of a greater cause, to being a rebel without a cause. To being a dragon slaying mythical knight, to being the humble hunter of the forests. That is the meaning of wearing leather.

And my denim Jeans, Evolved rather recently, celebrating the ingenuity of mankind, and our ability to adapt. From their ancient use as rough shipwear to the first pair of riveted levi's, it showcases man's ability to adapt and use what we have to better ourselves. For without such invention, we would have never come this far. But more than that, denim celebrates a way of life, of the freedom of the pursuit of happiness, of that spirit found in the gold miners of old. To me it means that i suscribe to that, to the fact that with hard work, freedom, belief and a little bit of luck, i could make something out of myself. Sure i can pull on a hoodie and wear some track pants, and suscribe to the culture of today. But i would like to think of myself of something more, sort of fighting my little war against the waves of pop. And unless someone rips it off me, i'd hold on to my leather and denim.

But even i know that it isn't always possible to hold on to such ideals, which is why underneath my jacket, normally lies a t-shirt. with perhaps one of the icons of today, or yesterday, The Beatles, Oscar the Grouch, or just a slogan. The T-shirt, the product of capitalism and commercialisation, like a flag across my chest. Forcing me to submit to this cruel, 'meritocratic' world. To the pragmatism of today, and making me forget about the ideals i once held. And even though i may hide it under layers of clothing. Of jackets, scarves and pullovers. But deep itside i know, that as much as i hold on to my ideals, there may come a time where i would have to admit that they are but ideals. But till then. I'm holding on to my clothes.

I'm wierd. But I like being wierd in my own way. Its kinda fun actually.

Till next time then.

Until you think you have the time.

And then i go and spoil it all.

thank god its friday.

of elements

The ancients had it right. Man are born of elements. Have been thinking bout it recently. For how better to explain how, with such minute differences in our DNA that we have such great differences in personality.

By here some of you may now say 'what the hell', why and what is he talking about.

For years now i have been trying to classify myself under an element. And its exceptionally hard to classify oneself, for me at least.

Am i of earth? Sturdy and hard. Yet headstrong and proud.
Or of wind? fleeting and above all, who sees from outside the box that governs us all.
Of fire? passionate and fiery. Friend and Foe.
Or like water? smooth and flexible. weak, yet strong.

As Bruce Lee puts it. 'Be water, my friend'. And its what i want to be. But one could not fight with one's nature, can one?

Till next time

How i wish i was next door once again

And maybe get a second glance.

I kinda wanna be more than friends

It maybe the cardio I am learning right now.
And it may yet be the underlying 'things-i'd-vehemently-deny-to' issues of my heart.
Or yet a resurgence in form by west ham.
And yet be the line 'take a bite of my heart tonight' repeating in the background.

It seems common of me to start of a post like this and go on rambling and emoing about issues i have currently. But this is not one of those times. For once I am not as troubled as i usually am. I credit that to a full stomach and a little caffeine from my 'dragon well' tea.

It has been a good start to a second year here down under. I would not say that i miss home already. But neither would i say that i do not. For afterall, I'm a foreign man in a foreign land. But its been good. For reasons I must leave out for the same reasons, the details of my life in this land. But What is certain is that i am having a hell lot of fun.

My stance my change. perhaps in 5 minutes. Perhaps an hour. Perhaps a day. but yeah.

As of now. I think i'm staying for a winter.

500 miles.

"If you missed the train I'm on,
you will know that I am gone,
You can hear the wihistle blowing,
A hundred miles."

Perhaps Its because its my 2nd time. Perhaps however many times it may be. You will never get used to it.

I'm sitting here once again, typing a little, listening to songs a little, thinking alot. feeling what i could in what is one of my many last nights here.

"And if you take my hand my son,
All will be well when the day is done."

I only hope so man.

"Lord I'm one, Lord I'm two,
Lord I'm three, Lord I'm four,
Lord I'm five hundred miles away from home"

Come tomorrow, i will be 37 hundred miles away from home.

The armada.

And so the armada left. As Singapore's invasion of melbourne begins once again.

But I'm still here, stuck in a 48 hour limbo. Of which i have nothing much to do. yet too little time to do anything. Which leaves me here again, chilling in front of my computer. Just finished packing.

And if there's anything I've learnt from 'hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy'. It's that A large printed 'Don't Panic' achieves miraculous results. And To always know where your towel is. now that's real froody.

56 hours

And thus it is time again for the mandatory farewell post, as i commence the 2nd year of the 5 years that according to experts, will shape my future. Its been 3 and a half months of fun and goodness, a little boredom at times, but yeah, its good. Had the food i missed, and those that i didn't. Learnt a couple new tricks on the instruments and got my self a few things that i wanted, and some that perhaps i didn't so much wanted but bought them anyway. But its not any of these that makes the holiday such a great time. It maybe be cliched, but yeah, its the people that makes every summer the summer of 69. Or at least close to one.

I mean we couldn't hang out everyday, not all of us. But everytime we do. I had fun. And its this friendship i guess that may one day lead me back to singapore after i've at least attempted the all time dream of 'seeing the world'.

And on that, Home is a stupid song. It ain't true. Home isn't trying to quantify a place in memories, its not about 'knowing every street and shore'. And the new version sucks.

Alright. 56 more hours to go.

Something

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCcVg3b4ZRk

Really addicted to this.

Deuce

And its twos again. two days till the departure of one of my best friends. My fellow Lonely Hearts' club member. And two weeks till my own departure, and the inpending onset of the second year of my medical studies. And 2 days till my FD matures where I'd be able to pay my school fees for my 2nd year which is 2 days overdue.

Spent my last couple of days thinking bout the past couple of months and what i have acheived in this holiday. I've had plenty of rest. Perhaps a little more that i should have. But it was a good rest. A great break from what have became a laborous march towards being a doctor. the longest that i would perhaps ever have. I perhaps spent too much time on my computer. Watching shows and playing games. Time that perhaps i should have spent playing music and making things. Things I have only started doing the past couple of weeks.

You know how people always say that if they'd go back to the past, they'd not change a damn thing even though they had shit times? This is one of those times that i could not say that.That is not to say that I've not had had a good holiday and that i didn't enjoy it to perhaps one of the bests that i could, but Given a second chance of such a holiday, I would perhaps find work and stuff and not laze around as much. I'd perhaps read more books and write more stuff, as i slowly feel my pen, or rather my keyboard, coming back to me, and my brain starting to function like i wished it would again. Perhaps it had something to do with an excess of time coupled with complete inactivity of the learning faculties, perhaps our brains are not made to work if we are to think, or think if we are to work, that's why those which could do both simultaneously are so well sought after eh?

Its great to be musing over things unimportant again. To think about the many chinese new year traditions and read about them, Its pretty cool. Since we're still in the supposed 15 days of celebration. And on that, I demand to have my 15 days of celebration back. Its supposed to be 15 days for a reason, there's a day for everything. including rocks and stuff. where on that day you're not supposed to use any earthenware.

And I finally have a new year resolution I want keep this year. 1 post a month of a suitable length, and a few shorter ones or song lyrics or youtube videos. But yeah, I guess i want to write things other than ethical conduct of a doctor. Or maybe I would perhaps one day write something about that someday over here.

Enough about resolutions. I like to keep them short and without much of an explanation. for they are somewhat depressing to me for reasons unknown. Perhaps its my innate psychological factors that prevents me form following a code or resolution, even if set by myself. Or perhaps developmental factors. Perhaps i would never know. But resolutions are depressing. they are. After the initial hooha about what i am gonna achieve and what i'm gonna do and stuff, you're left with actually doing it. Now that. I don't like. haha.

2 days to valentine's. Perhaps the most commercialised festival as some would say. Just got my lonely hearts' club name stolen and dragged on the floor by glee. What would the beatles say. Damn.

I would like to say I've nothing to do, nowhere to be, just a simple little kind of free. and that I'm perfectly lonely. But truth is, i guess i ain't. The moving into the eriksson's Intimacy Vs Isolation stage of development has taken its toll on me. Though i know that i've used this moving as an excuse more than once. But yeah. There's some truth in human lifespan development after all eh.

and 3 am now. I'm a little tired. and my mind a little whacked, fried from the radiation of my computer and the extremely glaring screen under the lights off conditions of my room brought upon by my oppresion. Its an oppression i won't ever go all 'egypt' on. Maybe a little fights here and there, but yeah, I'll cope with the bright screens and tired eyes.

And its 3AM. I shall stop spewing nonsense and go to bed. And attempt to dream, or perhaps not to, or perhaps just to get some rest. Tomorrow's gonna be good.

Till next time then.

Excelsior.

Rain stops.

Don't stop me now.

'That's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit, I'm travelling at the speed of light'

I once jumped down a 10 metre platform into a pool of water without so much as a moments hesitation. I once sang in front of a full concert hall, without a shiver or in my voice. I once danced, and made a complete fool out of myself in public, without even thinking about it. I took needles 16 gauge, twice a week once, on both arms at the same time, as my peers struggle with fears of needles and blood. I once sat in the back of the ambulance with a person bound for ER, without smelling any fear. I, not for a single time, backed down for a pontentially ruinous challenge in football. I spoke in front of a whole choir before, telling them tales of courage and ability, without flinching.

Yet nothing, would prepare me for pressing the top left button on my phone.

"Don't stop me now"

Grapefruit moon.

550

"How many years can some people exist,
Before they're allowed to be free"

And here we are, post 550. and 6 years on this blog. I was reading it on my itouch a couple days back, and damn, it seems that i've lost alot of things on the way to 550. Gone were the many musing moments i had while i was in army, perhaps an overdose of work, or maybe being overly free has something to do with that. But then again, perhaps its just laziness creeping in, or perhaps just a change in my mood or way of life.

Have slightly less that one and a half month left of my time in singapore this time, and boy did I had a good time. Chilling out with friends, the lonely hearts club, celebrating my 21st. doing crazy things that is making me part of a viral video amongst my friends now. I had fun. lots of it.

Maybe its got something do with turning 21, maybe is because some things have changed after spending a year abroad. Or maybe its not me at all. Despite all the fun, i find myself missing melbourne a little. and perhaps maybe more than a little. How do i put this. I need freedom. I need to be able to sleep at whatever time i want at night, perhaps to finish a movie, or maybe finish talking to a friend, without anyone telling me how late nights are going to affect my health. I need to be able to go out, without receiving calls and messages in harsh tones asking me to come home early and further messages telling me how bad late nights are again. I know I am young, and perhaps i do not truly know everything the wisdom of the world has to offer, and I even know I would perhaps regret some of the things I've done, or are doing now. But i dunno, i just feel that i need some space, to at least make these mistakes for now. I am 21, people make mistakes when they are 21. I am not proud of it, but I like my lifestyle now, not the one you try to put on me, my own one. I'm sorry I'm not great at sleeping early or spending time doing things that are 'productive' or being religious or stuff. I'm sorry for wanting to eat crab meat, and frog legs porridge, and not vegetarian fare. I'm sorry if i don't talk or communicate to you guys now, because all you ever talk about is buddhism, and if not, from a buddhist perspective, or health conciousness. I rather be awkward. I rather come home, and we just watch tv together without trying to make a deep serious conversation, maybe just a couple of 'how is your days' or 'eat some fruits' or 'funny show on tv eh'. I don't need someone to ask me if i know the ill effects of alcoholism. And on that, I have been seriously limiting my alcohol intake, or my gaming time. Not because i am affected by them, not because anyone but you feel that i am affected by them. Only because i do not want another fight.

And on that, I believe you guys are seeing me the wrong way, and its sad, but i don't think i can do anything to change that, and i won't. I really don't need this.

I really look forward to the day that you can treat me as a real human, and allow me to make my own choices and write my own story.

Till next time.

Wong.
Doing silly things since 1989.

damn. why the hell did i do that?

Please remember me.

And this be a great song. And I'm adding it to my funeral's playlist.

What? I hear many of you exclaim. But yeah, I always have this fascination with death, the cool parts of it anyway. The beauty of a rainy day and grey umbrellas in a background of grey and green, dotted and littered with white tombstones. Or the way it unites us all, for sometimes an afternoon, and sometimes for the remainder of our lives, which after that runs out, serves to unite those after us.

So please. Remember me?

Time left for love?

I lost all my friends in an accident.
I couldn't believe what happened.
Are you coming home tonight, and is there time left for love?

The rumours said it was a serial killer
but they got hit by a caterpillar.
You know the engine was still on, I smashed a window,
I could go on. You know it was a very easy decision,
she knew exactly how to please him.
Is she coming home tonight, and is there time left for love?

For love?

You. Somebody should tell you to stop.
I feel it coming out of my eyeballs.
Is it just because you're jealous?
You. Somebody should tell you why
I'm crawling out of my skin.
Is it just because we're old friends?
Or is it because of love?

She took his hand in the emergency room,
the doctor said he'd be back soon
so I put her down on the floor. A quick look and we drank some more.
In a city where nothing really happens
it's so strange that all this happened to them.
Is he coming home tonight, and is there time left for love?

You. Somebody should tell you to stop.
I feel it coming out of my eyeballs.
Is it just because you're jealous?
You. Somebody should tell you why
I'm crawling out of my skin.
Is it just because we're old friends?
Or is it because of love?

I lost all my friends in an accident.
I couldn't believe what happened.
Is there time left for love, and are you coming home tonight?

God damn west ham.

And so 2010 ends. The year of the number. 10. I have probably reflected upon it before, but perhaps its the end of the year, or maybe a cumulation of recent events, not even so, of perhaps dreams, made up in my head, and screwin around with it, and then finally deciding to leave it alone.

Its wierd, how i put my ipod on and without fail, i click shuffle everytime, yet I'd fast forward songs, as thought i already have a set list in mind, and its not only the odd one or two songs that i skip, it sometimes goes from song no. 3 to song no. 42 without so much as a pause. And its always the same songs that i stop at, 'Time won't let me go', 'rainbow connection' and a host of others. Which in a way is even wierder when you consider the fact that those songs feature heavily in my blog especially in the start of the year. What has this got to do with this post? everything, and perhaps nothing. It's just one of the patterns I see as I go along.

And so yes. looking back in 2010. What have i accomplished. Its funny, cause all the while during the year, I seem to be doing so much, living life and studying, making friends, yet now, it all seems wierdly empty.

And the mood has slipped away from me again.

Till next time then.

[shuffle]

I'm forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.
They fly so high,
nearly reach the sky.
Then like my dreams they fade and die...

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