going back to camp. updates will be missing until further notice.

THE leather jacket

Well. retail therapy works i swear. haha. Just splurged over 200 bucks on myself here in auckland. including the realisation of a lifelong dream of owning my own genuine leather jacket. haha. got it for a bargain at a hundred bucks.

Christmas

Stuck in the motel alone on christmas night all alone in auckland sucks.

But yeah. Merry christmas everyone.

All i wanted for christmas is you. Wanted.
Now its just empty emo somehow.
good night folks.

Pokarekare Ana

E Hine E, Hoki Mai ra
Ka Mate A-U-I, Te-a-Ro-Ha E!

Oh hurry hurry home love
Hurry back to Rotorua
To the mountains and this valley
Oh hurry home to me.

I know, I know, you had to go
Please hurry back home love
I miss you so.

In my mind I hear you singing
And the echoes fill the valley
Cross the lake of troubled waters
To the mountains and the sky.
I know, I know you had to go
Please hurry back home love
I miss you so.

Po Kare Kare ana
Nga wai o Rotorua
Whiti atu koe hine marino ana e

e Hine e Hoki Mai ra
Ka Mate A-U-i Te-a-Ro-Ha E!
Oh I know you had to go.
Please hurry back home love
I miss you so.
Please hurry back home love
I miss you so.

Its gonna be a long month.

Wong will be in NZ from today till 26Dec.

brb

Conversations in the field.

Hey ant why do you still do me harm,
Even when i've paid your tribute of crumbs.

Spider tell me why you thread,
when not hours past since your old web,
'Pray sir tell me why you ask,
my web you destroyed only just.

Little grasshopper what do you sing?
Is ita a ballad, an ode or a war hymn?
Sir I sing not of what your rif'e bring.
But how wondrous nature seem

Tell me ladybug, why am i here.
On my birthday without my girl.
Oh please mister soldier, you're no special
Common are those born today to this world.

Mosquito, Mosquito fight me like a man,
'Tell me that when you discard your repellant can.'

Dear Sir, please tell why you're lying on my home.
Can't you see its my only comfort zone.
Sorry little buddy I've got no choice,
Or its my head on the flagpole they'll hoist.

Going outfield in a few hours. followed closely by a 20-odd hour flight to NZ right after that.

You know some days you feel as though your head is full of thoughts and yet all you could come out with is something like the line above. And you try hard to put those thoughts into words and all that you could is to write something like this.

Just looking forward to this hell to be over.

Bring on the celebrations. Its time again.

The battle rituals

I've always been entralled by the pre-battle rituals of warriors. The meditation under the waterfall. The hardening of the skins by fire. The sacrifices of bulls,pigs and lambs made to the heavens.

Mine consists of overeating and sitting around with my friends. Then bathing at home in warm water before dressing up and taking one last drink of water, boiled in a decade old kettle.

Booking in for Fatep. And when i come out. I'll be older. And its NZ and the sheep again.

Free(rockstar)

I'm sick of rushing back home cos somebody came in,
Its like my birthday i a week and i'm gonna be nineteen,
This week hasn't turned out, quite the way i want it to be.

(Tell me watchya want)

I want,
Any old house on any damn street
Or any room with a bathroom in it.
any hostel with a bathroom for ten plus me.

(Tell me watchya need)


I 'll need,
sone cash in my pocket in USD,
And an air ticket seat in economy.
Gonna go anywhere or anyplace my legs get me.


(Been there, done that)

I'll start with the SBS bus full of old banglas,
To perhaps temasek boulevard.
But tuas and woodlands are both fine for me.

(So how you gonna do it)

I'm gonna trade this life for freedom from pain
I'll even cut my hair and change my name.

Cos i just wanna be free of such
Live in rented houses driving broken cars.
No girls no money and nothing comes cheap
I'll be skinny cos i just couldn't eat.
And we'll hang out in the poorest hoods
In the back alleys with the shittiest dudes.
But hey i wanna be free
hey hey i just wanna be free.

I wanna be great by myself without my shackles
Hire or hired i don't give a heckle
sign for some social help to help get my meals for free.

(I'll have the quesadilla, haha)

I'm gonna dress my ass with 10 dollars fashion
Get a front door key to my master's mansion
Gonna date a girl that lets me blow her money for she.

(So how you gonna do it)

I'm gonna trade this life for freedom from pain
I'll even cut my hair and change my name.

Cos i just wanna be free of such
Live in rented houses driving broken cars.
No girls no money and nothing comes cheap
I'll be skinny cos i just couldn't eat.
And we'll hang out in the poorest hoods
In the back alleys with the shittiest dudes.
And we'll
mug some guys in a BMW
with so much cash that he dunno come from who
They'll get my anything with my knife held down.
everybody's got a football booker on speed dial
But hey i wanna be free
hey hey i just wanna be free.

I'm gonna write this lines that'll offend my parents
cos they troubled me before thunderwarrior.
Get nothing out of it but it don't really matter.
Lip-sync these stupid lines so i don't get them wrong.

Cos i just wanna be free of such
Live in rented houses driving broken cars.
No girls no money and nothing comes cheap
I'll be skinny cos i just couldn't eat.
And we'll hang out in the poorest hoods
In the back alleys with the shittiest dudes.
And we'll
mug some guys in a BMW
with so much cash that he dunno come from who
They'll get my anything with my knife held down.
everybody's got a football booker on speed dial
But hey i wanna be free
hey hey i just wanna be free.


And that was a great rant.
damn it. haha.
but i feel much better after writing such kinda rubbish. haha
you guys have fun.
I had fun writing that shit above. haha
cya tomorrow. haha.

Well about a year ago. I posted this ode i wrote for the eternal brother. and today just now, kinda had the impulse to write something about it again. but i guess i already expressed it a year ago. And things have not changed. mostly. yeah. brothers eternal.

Rockstar

Army is always shit. Its the through ability to see wonders in boredom that it redeems itself at all.
Was outfield in the most boring of places again. and like the last time i went, kinda found little stuff that brightened the otherwise very boring and terrible day.

Like pitcher plants. didn't know they did grow so commonly in singapore. like the whole floor was covered with them. little creepers with a jug like extension on every leaf. Kinda like the irony of the pitcher plants, shading the insects from the terrible sun, shielding them from other animals, allowing their roots to be their homes, and quenching their thirsts with their pitcher juices. And ultimately digesting them with these fluids. And perhaps the insects know the traps of the pitchers, or the fly-traps, and maybe, its part of their culture of sacrifice. For all the wonders, plants had provided them, food, shelter, water and everything, and some sacrifice is needed. to perhaps. appease the gods.

And of wild orchid blooms. The way a stalk only bloom once is somewhat like a fable. A story with a moral. but yeah. new stalks always grow.

Flying NZ at 131208 1625hrs.

I'm through with standing in line to clubs I'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out quite the way I want it to be

(Tell me watchya want)

I want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough for ten plus me

(Tell me watchya need)

I'll need a
Credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club at thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and James Dean is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rock stars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny as we just won't eat
And we'll
Hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair and well,
Hey hey I wanna be a rock star
Hey hey I wanna be a rock star

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs so I can eat my meals for free

(I'll have the quesadilla, haha)

I'm gonna dress my ass with the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to blow my money for me

(So how you gonna do it)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rock stars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny as we just won't eat
And we'll
Hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair
And we'll
Hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a Drug dealer on speed dial, well
Hey hey I wanna be a rock star

I'm gonna sing those songs that offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a pez dispenser
Get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sync em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

Well we all just wanna be big rock stars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny as we just won't eat
And we'll
Hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there
Every playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair
And we'll
Hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial, well
Hey hey I wanna be a rock star
Hey hey I wanna be a rock star

Rockstar- Nickelback.


Nickelback's brilliant.

Perhaps its an birthday thing.
Or perhaps its the fact that December is on the seat.
Or maybe its just a random occurrence associated with boredom.
Been feeling down, or emo, as some may put it.
Not for any issues related to love or whatever.
But of army yet again.
Just when army is getting acceptable,
Bombshells have to be dropped.
Making me know that this really ain't for me.
slightly less than a year ago,
I resolved to be positive about all this.
Of captive days and emo nights.
Of trying to hold strong and not crumble.
And i hope that resolve is still there.
Outfield this week.
Again.
Add a Sergeant-Major who just decided to revert to trainee style.
and a bruised knee.
Do not like to wish for bygone days,
or future times.
Times of freedom.
But the year have been rough for most of it.
BMT and early enlistment means i was in army 48 hours after turning 18.
Then came what was a happy 6 months?
6 months where i lost myself trying to find exactly that.
6 months of thinking just for thinking's sake.
6 months of not knowing direction.
then things got downhill.
And rough.
My luck haven't turned.
Yet.
Guess the dance with Life continues.

Was reading through my blog posts of old, sort of a yearly custom which i follow every year. reading back to get an idea of what happened during the year and what changes happened. and yeah. since there is only 2 more weeks till i head for NZ and the new year. there isn't much time left for reflections. which is why i am doing that now.

So yeah.

Till nxt time.

of firefly, mimosa flowers and sunsets.

Just back from yet another fatep training. which had it's fair share of fun moments, jokes, beauty and ultimately suffering. The days were long and the nights longer but i managed to keep myself occupied with mimosa flowers and firefly. singular. haha. saw a single firefly flying around in my safety rover on tuesday. And was quite amused by it. but it was beautiful. People praise the beauty of fireflies, of beauty in numbers. But it's the singular that amazes me. In a tree of fireflies perhaps its but only one of the myriad of lights, but in my safety vehicle it's the only bringer of light, the only source of confort amongst the barbarian shouts outside. The way it flickers on and off, like a lamplighter of ancient times, guarding that piece of land against total darkness.

And the mimosa flower. that humble little tuff of pink or yellow amongst the entanglement of thorns. the singular beauty in the vast wilderness.

Singularity.

and yes.
Have you ever seen the sunset?

Its the most beautiful view ever. especially when you're outfield.

back to Fatep

Tommorrow will be fatep training. Once more. 3 more of these 'once more's including this one before i head off to NZ. This time. on the calling of the army. Been there as a civilian visitor, a resident, and now soon to be, A millitary visitor.

After a week out of camp, enjoying life as it should be. I kinda dread heading back, through those gates topped with barbed wire. To those compounds so cold, it chills my bones even without the aircon. To the days so long, that an hour feels like a day. And first thing to welcome me back in camp? Picking up the LBV (Lame Bulky Vest). helmet and rifle and heading for the jungles. fighting invisible enemies with invisible rounds tracked by invisble radars on the invisble by 'Country blue and country red' ok. I probably said too much. haha. anymore and i'll have to shut this down and move into prison. haha.

anyway.

that's all for now.

till nxt time.

Back from camp

Was at DYB camp this wkend. and yeah. it had been great. kinda wonderful how something once such a chore had changed into so much fun. Barely a year ago, i've been skipping so many of those outings and going only to write it as something under my 'top 3 achievements', which suddenly seem so insignificant compared to the stuff i've learned over at DYB. and yeah. made great acquaintances, or should i say friends, along the way, people who by no other way would i have known or who would have known me.

Watching everything from the camera's eye is different indeed from watching with my own. I saw, the commitment and work rate of all through the eyes of my camera, and yeah. that's what kept me awake working at my station. Capturing, Cropping, Editing. For i am but the eyes and the memory of the camp, while you guys are the hands and legs, the brain and voice, the heart and soul on which the camp proceeded. While the videos made the camp more memorable, It is but a decoration, a flower, but yeah, it wouldn't have been possible without the games, the handbook, or the logistics. So yeah. You guys deserve an applause. No. Make that a standing ovation.

Can't really bring out what i am trying to bring out but yeah. Have enjoyed this 3 days. Its as the teaser said. Beyond words. beyond that. And yeah. i guess we've reach our target. but yeah. it was the journey. that mattered.


the AWE-inspiring air guitar.

photos: 1/2/3

of Taxi drivers.

You know, we really should give taxi drivers a go at governing someday. They are the best conspiracy theorist you could ever find, and the speeches they give in the confines of their taxis sometimes outstrip those of even Obama and Churchill. They seem to have a plan for anything and everything the world face. All the catastrophies and economic crisis seem to be easily solvable in their eyes, compared to the great unjust rises in petrol prices and car rental fees and how little customers they seem to get everytime.

And if you get a chance to visit one of those coffee shops where taxi drivers hang out in droves as they wait for cinderella to lose her pumpkin carriage and the MRT service, you would be able to experience the most sincere and ancient form of democracy, not unlike that of ancient greece. That where everyone is equal in the face of law. That where any form of government now is but a poor copy of its system. And perhaps that's why no politician is ever good enough for the taxi drivers, and all of them are corrupt in their eyes. How else could you explain the fact that they are working 14 hour shifts and yet still earn so little while politicians go visiting and earn millions, they'll ask you. And while they are there complaining about corrupt politicians, they'll extend to saying how corruption is actually acceptable, providing that both parties are willing and will continue to raise an example. Say, The customer wants to go to a place quickly, taxi driver offers to double the speed albeit at a higher price, customer says yes, driver says yes, corruption? yes. Acceptable? yes.

You know they say the actual ruler of the world is not a politician, nor someone whom you see on pages of magazines? I've got a niggling feeling that he or she, might just be a taxi driver.

-In a taxi on my way back from my hols in Malaysia with an exceptionally talkative taxi driver.

Anyway. Still hate taxi drivers overall, but the taxi ride yesterday sorta rejuvenated my tired self while i was on the taxi and i wrote this piece.

having my much needed break from army life. and enjoying every moment of it.

NaNoWriMo

Its slightly too late to join now. so i' ll be waiting for next year to come.. who knows. this could be my ticket to 'Rowling-dom' haha. here. check this out. lol. gonna write an epic story next year. which means i am starting to brainstorm now. haha.

Just came back from football. hit the post 4 times though scoring quite a few times. kinda weak now after months of not playing. haha. but finding my feet in the holding midfield department. tired. but satisfied.

Inspired to write. but uninspired to find a story. if only i knew about this 2 weeks ago. haha.

dang. Singapore is like the only country that totally outlaws hitchhiking. there goes my hitchhiker adventure.

Ipod and nothing to do.

Was just scrolling through the archives of a certain friend and i got across this quiz thing and having nth to do with an ipod infront of me. i decided to do just it.

How to Play
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. No cheating.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people.

How are you feeling today?
No way to Say- Ayumi Hamasaki

Wow. what an answer. that's like 'It actually fits!' haha

Will you get far in life?
High- The cure

Ok.. i guess that's good?

How do your friends see you?
Creep- Radiohead.

Now that can't be true, unless they mean the emo part. haha.

Will you get married?
All my trials- Tennessee riders

What? i have that song? haha. does it means i need more trials until marriage or something. haha. and i thought i removed all the stupid choir songs from last time.

What is your best friend’s theme song?
xiang shui-mayday

now this doesn't make sense. unless its zhou and his vanity.

What is the story of your life?
The sound of silence- Simon and Garfunkel

If there's one thing my life is not, its silence. haha. perhaps it means the philosophical part of me. haha.


What was high school like?
If i never see your face again- Maroon 5

Ok. here comes one song i don't even know is in my ipod. haha. well. haha. dunno.

How can you get ahead in life?
Candle Lights- BoA

Light a light and get forward. how insightful.

What’s the best thing about your friends?
Besame Mucho- Andrea Bocelli

No. we ain't gay.

What’s in store for this weekend?
Herculean

Ok. i am going on a herculean journey and spending an herculean amount of money before leaving. haha.

Describe your grandparents.
Take you there- Sean Kingston

Want me to show you them? follow me to Penang this wkend!

How’s your life going?
Rootless tree- Damien Rice.

Well. F*** you. haha. the most impactful word of the song. or the fact that i'm drifting around like a 'rootless tree' right now.

What song will they play at your funeral?
Till Kingdom Come- Coldplay.

Yes. Kingdom Came when its my funeral. haha.

How does the world see you?
And i know- elva

Sure thing. And i know?

Will you have a happy life?
What Sarah said- Death Cab for Cutie

Who's Sarah anyway?

If I rewrite certain things in my life?
Shut up and let me go- The Tings Tings

Ok. yeah. do that. this is getting boring. haha. but shall finish it.

Do people secretly lust after you?
Green Finch and Linnet Bird- Sweeny Todd OST

A song about a girl lusted by a guy outside the window trying to get out. haha.

How can you make yourself happy?
Hands Held High- Linkin Park

With just hands held high. i'm trying it now. nope. doesn't seem to work.

What should you do with your life?
I'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off- Fall out Boy

Yes. i know. get her off your mind. like its tt easy.

Will you ever have children?
All my Loving- Beatles

Guess that means yes.

What song would you strip to?
Until you're over me- Maroon 5

Ok..?

What does your mum think of you?
mo tuo che ri ji- Mayday.

Motorcycle diaries? the way i keep running away from home every wkend?

What is your deep, dark secret?
Simple gifts- The choral project

My would be ORD song. haha. my deep dark secret is to ORD? haha.

What is your mortal enemy’s theme song?
A rush of blood to the head- Coldplay

Haha there always is a rush of blood to the head when there's a battle. haha.

What’s your personality like?
Iris- Googoo dolls.

Great song. Once. Once yes. totally explained my situation. but guess not that much now.

What song will be played at your wedding?
Can't buy me love- Michael Buble

I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend if it makes you feel alright.
I'll give you everything i have if it makes you feel alright.
I don't care too much for money.
money can't buy me love.

Guess that means i'm marrying either very rich or very poor.

LOL.

Eulogy to my PSP

Ladies and Gentlemen, visitors to this blog. Today we gather here to remember someone who was given life by us and gave, in its turn, its life to us.

Let me begin by saying thank you. For all the memories and experience we had. Morpheus have been the proverbial sword of a knight, and I could not thank him enough. There are friends who would live the high live with you and those who will suffer with you in silence. Morpheus was both. I could recall those early days where i hid him amongst my notes, letting him live the life of a faceless slave, not having the dignity he so deserved. But how he still worked. He outraced, outfought and outscored every opponent on wireless, I could still hear the sneers the first time he took his place on the arena. "You can't win with a second hand set" the critics shouted. But what they didn't know was that there was a connection. Something deep inside that connected my fingers to his buttons, something that gave us the extra edge. And defying all odds, we fought, and we finished the races on the podium. And through the months and days Morpheus never once left me, he was there before the capturing of stars and he was there after I was burnt by the very star. And he was there silently comforting, as he gave companionship to my newly lonely hands.

But as time went past, like all things does, Morpheus aged. The luscious shine was no longer as scratches wrinkled his face. And his buttons became loose. But he never stopped working when i played as we slayed a million jedis and droids, and as we travelled across mountains and seas in RPGs.

And soon today came. For quite a moment i did not know what to do, nor how to cope. But yeah, morpheus will never had wanted that. So, let me say Thank you once more, and we'll move on from here.

Thank you. Morpheus.

[update] and as a follow up, Morpheus' sucessor have been lined up and will soon be in my hands. haha.

The day technology failed me

The day technology failed me.
My TV was a black brick,
Without even the sound of static.
My radio failed, so did the pod, and the CD player,
Playing silence as their only track.
Morpheus died, along with the Tigrex,
and my professional football career.

The day technology failed me,
I couldn't hear no one,
For my 3G phone became just that.
Garbage Going into Graves.

The day technology failed me,
I couldn't see a thing,
for my 'eco-friendly' light sensitive windows were not functioning,
And shut the sun out.
and my lights turned themselves off.
And my watch became but a bracelet.

The day technology failed me,
I tried to run,
But my car would not budge,
Not that it mattered,
My electronic door lock is as secure as ever anyway.
More secure, now that it can't be opened.
And Even if i opened it,
The traffic lights are all red,
all the cars were on a standstill.
there was no place to go anyway.

The day technology failed me,
I went hungry,
Frozen items went sour in my warm freezer
The microwave stopped working,
And so did my electronic stove.

The day technology failed me,
My heart, no, pacemaker, stopped.
So did my robot arm.
And my motorized wheelchair,
And my drug dispenser.

The day technology failed me,
I was lonely,
In the dark,
Isolated,
Trapped,
Hungry,
Cold,
I was-
"can someone google that for me?"


Well. was inspired in a cranky way after what happenned to me from yesterday night, when my psp, phone and ipod headphones spoilt one after another. At least the phone is ok now and the headphones are replaced. The psp, morpheus, however, is gone forever to the wind.

In one way or another, you know we're just slaves of technology, but that wouldn't be accurate. For a slave will be happy to be free of his master. Not us. Technology has not so much enslaved us as assimilated into us. They are incorporated into us physically in the form of medical equipments and psychologically, in the form of a dependence of them. And remove technology from our lives, and we just aren't us anymore. A doctor wouldn't be one without his sophisticated medical equipment, from the simplest of sphygmomanometers(i'm sure i got it right, so could someone explain that dotted red line) to the most advanced medical scanners. An engineer wouldn't be one without his cranes and excavators, his piling machines and load lifters. We do not have hunters and gatherers anymore, and we have evolved, and technology is that evolution. We couldn't say we want to 'discover' ourselves and try to shun technology completely, cos its just not gonna work. I mean, yeah, technology is part of us. And without it, we are a different self. So yeah. Chew on it.

And SOMEBODY GET ME A PSP!

[sidenote: decided to start using labels so that i could track how many of each kind of stuff i am writing. so yeah. haha.]

Sitting on the MO's seat.

Another week come and gone as i sit here on the 'Seat of power' of the medical center, typing this in the MO's room on the MO's computer on the phone with zhou with the MO's phone. haha.

[continued at home]
By a great turn of luck, i suddenly find myself at home again. haha. love being home. And just found out from my ORD counter that i have unknowingly just passed another significant milestone and is now left with 399days before ORD and that's including today, which has about just under an hour to go.

And more as the wkend comes and goes.

Obama for America

OBAMA Won! I know its my news is one day late. but yeah. glad that he did, He really reminds me of Prez Richards, of the America in World's end. and perhaps he is. perhaps morpheus have led him here at last.

Was reading through his speeches and talks and wow. the guy can talk. haha. His speech is so good i want to be American. haha. The ideals of of "democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope". exactly.

nth much to write today actually. just damn bored in camp. and what the hell. duty on friday so booking out only on sat. sucks.

At least obama's victory is a victory for west ham. haha.

till nxt time.

Taxi crimes.

Its a long time since i last wrote for inspiration suddenly ran low yet again. as it always does. It moves in a somewhat cyclical flow. Burst. The downwards drift. and then silence.

Went singing with jiayi, zixuan, jiongyu, and qiaoyi on friday. haha. surprised at how rusty my sound was. haha. 4 yrs since i last sang properly had taken its toll on me. And i nearly forgot it was halloween night. but people around just had to remind me of it.(check lame-ass ninja wannabes with a cloth across their faces rolling across the pedestrian crossing and running around in a naruto-esque way) or (zombie look-alikes who probably look more like them without their masks) and TAXI TOUTS WHO ARE JUST IDIOTS F**kers.

had a bad wkend with taxis. friday couldn't get a cab cos stupid taxi touts were hoarding those taxis into their backstreets, charging an AUDACIOUS price for people like me to go home. I mean its illegal. and to have it right in the middle of the so called 'town' of singapore is just wrong. what's with the 'busy' and 'on call' signs. Screw those touts. If only i was of a clearer mind. those idiots are going to jail man.

And then there was today. morning. My mum with me and my sis in the car had patiently waited for this parking space in this crowded car park. and we finally got it. So my mum was reversing into the lot when some idiot TAXI from nowhere, just decided that its a 'survival of the fastest' thing and just zipped in. near-missing my parents car. Outraged and incensed, i went forth and said nicely at first, that we were there first and it was only by social courtesy that we should get the place. To which he just blazed at me, as if i stepped on his tail and shouted at me, saying that i am bullying him and that the place was anyone's once it was vacated and i was wrong to even start talking to him. And to me that was the last straw, there i am trying to be calm and nice and there some people are, shouting and cursing me. I shouted back then, protecting my families pride. i mean if there's an ounce of sense in that guy, or at least a concience, he just had to pull out and all is resolved. A clearer minded me would have taken down his plate no. and complained. but well.. i was kinda groggy and angry in the morning so haha.

Anyway. those idiots have just reminded me that singapore ain't the rosy place we are led to think it is. I mean its one thing to not have petty thieves and robbers, not that they are totally absent here, and another to have a gracious society. To me, a balance must be striked. Something perhaps like NZ if i may just comment, where yes, there is perhaps a slightly higher crime rate than singapore, but for the normal people, they have a higher social standard, like giving way to the driver turning in from the opposite direction, or giving way to each other at a junction during a traffic jam, that's what singapore should be like. Not old, rude taxi drivers undeserving of the title 'Senior' citizen. Or able-handed taxi touts who does nothing but collude with the corrupt taxi drivers to jack up the prices, Is there law in their eyes, or is there but the glint of gold and money? We boast to be a first class nation, but this isn't the ways of a first-class citizen. Sometimes i only hope these people will take abit of time off making money, and think of themselves and their actions.

Anyway on another note. Loving my new Tigers. haha. and a wonder how four guys could spend an afternoon in one shop and cause a bill of..



Well. Till nxt time then. broke for the rest of the month. gonna fast.

Emo is contagious. Seriously.

In the cabinet and the ceiling boards.

There's a ghost in the medical centre, no doubts about that. Its not a banshee, ghoulish kind of ghost. He's a poltergeist, and a he. There aren't many she-poltergeists around. He's the one who messes up the dockets, the one who makes drugs go missing. He is the one that sends his phantoms to report sick while the doctor isn't in and he's the one who rings up the medical centre in the dead of the night. He makes the air conditioners leak and the rations to be never enough. And that's just listing a few.

Without being seen, he's able to relate and touch all of us, hypnotizing us to sleep, calling from the back of our heads to ask us to play flash games that with our usual selves, we would not even take a look. Not with the myriads of other forms of entertainment available. He asks us to take a break in the busiest hour, to go to the canteen or to blend in as a sickbay patient; to hide in the pantry or behind the cupboards. And sometimes, we don't even feel him. We do not acknowledge his existence, preferring to attribute those actions to our slackness and our unwillingness to be here. Which leads to complaining about the system, the country, the government, our birthplace, our lives, our existence... And sometimes you just wonder, if all this was too part of his plans, and you ask questions about his existence, Is he here? When is he here? Why is he here? And as you ask, he slowly vanishes and fades into the surroundings, and you wouldn't feel him and the need to understand his existence anymore. And you go on with your days and your troubles and your attempts to slack. Not knowing, No. Never knowing that he, the ghost of the medical centre, is behind everything.

There's a ghost in the medical center, and he's here, in the cabinets and the ceiling boards.


-Was inspired by The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman and thus wrote a short story bout the ghost of the medical centre. haha. part 1 of my would be short story collections named as my title for this post.

Pork and Beans

The wkend hasn't been quite as busy as i thought it would be. With quite a few couple of hours here and there where i could just slack around and do nothing. Watched Tropic Thunder, which was quite crappy actually. and then Max Payne today, which was worse. haha.

nth much really happened actually. so..


They say
I need some Rogaine
To put in my hair
Work it out at the gym
To fit my underwear
Oakley makes the shades
That transform a tool
You'd hate
Ffor the kids to think
That you lost your cool

I'mma do the things
That I wanna do
I ain't got a thing
To prove to you
I'll eat my candy
With the pork and beans
Excuse my manners
If I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear
The clothes that you like
I'm finally dandy
With the me inside
One look in the mirror
And I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot
About what you think

Everyone likes to dance
To a happy song
(Hey, hey)
With a catchy chorus and beat
So they can sing along
(Hey, hey)
Timbaland knows the way
To reach the top of the charts
Maybe if I work with him
I can perfect the art

I'mma do the things
That I wanna do
I ain't got a thing
To prove to you
I'll eat my candy
With the pork and beans
Excuse my manners
If I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear
The clothes that you like
I'm finally dandy
With the me inside
One look in the mirror
And I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot
About what you think

No I don't care
I don't care

I'mma do the things
That I wanna do
I ain't got a thing
To prove to you
I'll eat my candy
With the pork and beans
Excuse my manners
If I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear
The clothes that you like
I'm finally dandy
With the me inside
One look in the mirror
And I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot
About what you think
Totally different?

ahead.

Well. It has all the makings of a really busy wkend. With Uni application, Movies, Lunch, Relatives, DYB, and friends all on the checklist.

Hopefully its only this wkend.

Just restored my PSP to working condition. haha. hopefully it doesn't break down on me again. but with the recent PSP thefts in camp, i am not that sure bout bringing her and Apple in now. haha. but i need my entertainment man. haha. esp with 3 days outfield coming up this monday. followed by 2 more days of so right after deepavali. haha. damn this sucks man. haha.

On other updates, Camp internet still remains unfixed. and i got another half a day off!. haha.

that' all for now. longer post after the busy wkend. haha.

Why doctor?

Well. It has not been spectacular seeing that my camp internet have chosen such a wonderful time to breakdown. making me out of reach to the world for 2 days. haha. was kinda inspired on sunday and actually wanted to post something, but well, the internet was down and well, haha. I forgot what i really wanted to post about.

But during the wkend, after watching The last king of Scotland, i actually had a thought. or perhaps a sudden inspiration. Through the months and events i had somewhat forgotten why do i want to be a doctor, or perhaps that itself was never really truely understood even by myself. Once, yes, i admit, it seemed a pretty decent money making path that leads to stability and eventually, a good life. And i wanted to be a psychiatrist, a child psychiatrist, to 'change the potential in those with the most potential' as i once wrote. And i still believe so, that it is and perhaps will be a good path. And i still believe that. yes, if cancer or angina is gonna claim your life, sooner or later it will. But fight it, we must, for its in the fights that we realise humanity. But i'll leave that to the experts. And instead, i'll make sure that the fights i win shall be those that shall last longer, to change the potential in the most potential.

But recent events and experiences may perhaps changed my viewon that slightly. Serving as a medic, i guess i've gained an insight, however small it is, into life in the medical proffession and as a doctor. And yeah, i guess the reason after all this to want to pursue an education in medicine is to one day to 'save lives'. Cliched it is. But i experienced the adrenaline rush in the emergency room myself, and there's no greater excitement than that. And the relief that comes with the news that the patient is stable? Awesome.

But what i want now is actually to be a 'travelling doctor'. in inverted commas for i don't know if there's a possibility of such a job now with the numerous restrictions around the world. But the basic plan is this. I work in a country, say somewhere in Africa for say a period of 3-6 months, and in that period earn enough for my ticket to my next destination say, Sri Lanka, and there for 3 months again and so on so forth. Until my mind says that it had enough of travelling. And then i'll find somewhere to settle down and perhaps. retire. haha. sounds far fetched and crazy, but i think it shall be a cool life if it ever was lived.

And so that's it for now. kinda out of ideas but shall post more when that comes.

or when the wkend comes. whichever comes first.

God damn the updates.

Well. Its been a long time since i last posted. or so it feels. But hasn't been truly in the mood so pardon the absense. And well, lots of things happened during this time. West ham didn't win last week, and my camp pass and 11B was found (in my wallet) and i completed Star wars and Final fantasy tactics.

Didn't go out today and instead sat the whole night here, in front of the com. Watched Death Race, and had my daily dose of action. And proceeded on to read up on Uni stuff again. which leaves me slightly jaded and typing here. well, I wouldn't have been doing this right now if i had just been a little more prepared for my interview, but well, what's past is past and i'm not gonna think of What If's, for it shall be endless, that will be. Just kinda hope i still can get into medicine, after all, without preparing, i'm now much more prepared than i was. Though i hate my army life, life in the medical center had indeed, prepared me and gave me insights into the medical proffession, and hell yeah, i'm gonna sit in the Consultation Room one day.

On another note. Have a great evening.

And god damn the updates.

Mamma Mia

Well. Mamma Mia! was well, musical. I mean full of music. very. and sometimes the music seemed to forced in, like the movie has no link and just because they had to add that ABBA song they had to force a way in.

Well, west ham is forcing their way to the top of the table as i am typing this. Hope west ham can win this. by a big margin, coupled by a draw at chelsea and a loss at liverpool will see as top of the premier league. haha. hopefully they would have won the match by the time i booked in.

Well. next wkend is pay day. looking forward to it already.

Crazy hours.

Well. have been going out till kinda crazy hours recently. as my freedom continue to be limited by army.

Watched League of Extraordinary gentlemen. haha. kinda a cool show, dun get how it get rated 16% at rotten tomatoes. com'on, its definitely better than shrek 3 or whatever shows like those.

After several long posts a few weeks ago, recent post have been relatively short. Not that i've not been thinking. just dun really have the time and strength to phrase them into proper sentences here. Should take a break sometime soon and stay at home for a day or something. But then, that'll be wasting perfectly good day.

But this question have been kinda troubling, nah, stuck in my head after last night talking rubbish with reub ran and joko. Imagine you have a million dollars, and you have just 3 hours to spend it, on whatever you want, but, whatever you buy, be it a car, a house or a plane, it'll cease to be yours after that 3 hours, what will you buy? kinda interested in what everyone wants for that 3 hours. I dun even know what me myself will spend it on.

With that, i end my post today.

till nxt time.

fine end.

Well. Its been a fine end to a troubled week.

went out with reub, ran and joko just now and talked quite abit of rubbish down at pasir ris park. haha. emo. if you may. but the mood wasn't too much so. haha. cnograts joko. haha.

anyway. got my camp pass back after what have been quite a fiasco.

more to come when i am more awake after i sleep.

till next time.

btw. good luck once again.

And sometimes, it feels as though even Life is helpless in the numerous situations we find ourselves in. It seems as though Lady Luck, or Mr. Disaster, or some other being are playing a game not unlike dungeon and dragons, as described by Terry Pratchett, And this world is just a board to them. And we are just not in control of the die.

sian.

When Life starts to get better.
Things just gotta get worst.

damn.

losing things far too easily and one day i may lose myself in all this

sucks to be me.

Sometimes when you are ready is when you are one step away from being ready.

shadowplay.

Sometimes.
The more you run,
The more the shadow chases you.
Devouring.
Engulfing.
And there's just so much you can do.
When the others smile just like they had,
And perhaps even brighter.
And you wonder,
If you're the only suffering,
If all this is worth it.
And then you answer it youself.
"Hell, No."
"But it ain't my choice, Is it?"
And you think about it more,
About how in an ideal,
You will be able to walk away with a click of the finger.
or Crtl-Alt-Del.
But the images remain,
as do the numbers and addresses.
And those memories.
Faded, but unforgotten.
Like shadows in a shade.
Batman.
And you look at it another way,
And think of the changes it caused you.
And you are mildly impressed,
By the way you think you handled it,
The differences it made in you.
But you know deep inside.
That someone's handling it much better than you.
And you smile,
And frown,
At the same time.
:S

Contrast

Well. was looking through my tagboard. and yeah. was once again inspired to think bout life, the universe and everything. And decided to post something though my thoughts are still in its formative stages.

Well. Apparently, everything is a result of contrast. And we are who we are because of that. How fast a man run is only contrasted to how slow another is. How bright a colour is is only compared to how dark the other is. Light is light because of darkness, and the sky is the sky because its not the earth. I am me, compared to you. And you are you, with respect to them. Its not similarities that make us concious beings, its differences. The entire spectrum of colour is seen not by how similar the colours are, but by the minute differences between wavelength to wavelength, colour to colour. People see of 'contrasts' as 'conflicts' of warfare and discrimination. But contrasts also means progress and change, acceptance and to a certain extent, love. What is progress, but a man accomplishing his wish to be different. What is change, but to learn better, new, different ways from the past. What is acceptance, if we are all from a single mould. And what is love, but the union of two of difference. Its the beauty of difference that made this world what it is, and yes, it may not be the best it could be, but could any, dispute the majesty of a waterfall, formed by a difference in height. Or rainbows, contrasting the colours of a spectrum. Or mountains, rising heights above the ground, or canyons, running deep. And similarity is not to be preferred, for is it not conformity that is wanted in communism, or dystopias like those in 1984 or Brave New World. And for the issue of Life and Death, Sure you could have both of them white, and both of them the same, but then, who will understand the Differences between the two. Is it not the realisation of this difference that enpowers christians to look for heaven, and buddhists to look for enlightenment. For eternal Life just isn't the same as eternal Death, at least to me.

There's more to that as it is. but i couldn't really think of more right now. all appearing as a ball of confusion in my head. so shall write it down when i am able to sort it out..

till then

Profile change

Just reading my own profile (Yes, I changed it) . And decided that there's much more to it than i could fit there. Much more things that I believe and I could believe in and thus decided to post a full post on it.

Well. Let's begin.

'If enough of us dream, if a bare thousand of us dream, we can change the world. We can dream it anew!'
I am 18. and perhaps as idealist as only someone who's 18 could be and believe in ideals as such. I believe in truth and I believe in lies. I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and things where no one is sure they are true or not. I believe in freedom and I believe in limits. I believe in the vote and the veto. I believe that communism is a false hope and democracy isn't far from that either. I believe that we aren't far from a Utopia and that we are miles from perfecting the world. I believe in 1984 and I believe in brave new world. I believe in the need of a defense force and total disarmament of the world. I believe that someone's is above but that someone isn't always there and that someone could be anyone. I believe in destiny and paths outside his garden. I believe that dreams make legends and that logic make champions. I believe in a single world and I believe in parallel universes. I believe that everyone is born pure and that each is born with potential to sin. I believe in the sacredness of life and the worthlessness it is sometimes. I believe Life is a disease, sexually transmitted and fatal, and Life is a personification. I believe in a man's ability to believe and his ablity to disbelieve. I believe that superman exists and each of us may be superman. I believe that supervillians exists and superheroes therefore must exist to keep them in check. I believe in wonders and I believe in karma. I believe in Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and I believe the world is but random chaos. I believe West Ham will win the EPL one day, and I will believe in what you could tell me, and I will believe in what you wouldn't. I will believe i am crazy and yet am the sanest man on earth.

And I think there's still many things missing from this list. So if you know something where the Jiahao you know definitely believe in yet it isn't there, please inform me via my tagboard or email me. and perhaps i will add them there, or i will give a reason for not doing so.

Life :Better?

Well West ham is leading as i am typing this and hopefully they still are when i am finished with what i guess will be a short post.

Well. After my posts about Life, she seemed to suddenly treat me better. haha. Starting with a good half day off given on friday. which was of course well spent. followed by something that was once a chore but now seemed so much more fun- dYb. And yeah. life seem to turn for the better. the little 'sickness' of my ipod is too cured after i reformatted it. And yeah. WEST HAM WON!! haha.

shall leave anything sad and longer till tomorrow or the days after. kinda tired right now. and euphoric after west ham won. haha. and to add to the pleasure. Just look at the other end of the table.

I'M FOREVER BLOWWING BUBBLES! COME ON YOU IRONS

music gone

crap. the music in my ears and the apple of my eyes is in crisis. quite literally. my Ipod have met some stupid problem and can't seem to forward 3 songs without forwarding through the whole library without playing anything. Now worried for it man. damn. best Mp3 in the world ever. can't live without my music.

Just did a whole day of drug counting. not that different from the sorting out of notes during my a level days. haha. just that 'hey, where's differenciation?' is replaced by 'hey, where's diclofenac?'. lol. At least doing something that keeps my hands busy and mind numbed.

On a more interesting note. A lizard fell on my hand just now. and i didn't know it was a lizard until i threw it onto the floor.

nth much else.

till nxt time.

army dulls the brain.

Life: A Meaning.

Just watched Les Choristes on Arts central after missing two screenings of it during choir last time. brings back great old memories.

And was just further developing my thoughts today as i went around my daily business. And i have a hypothesis. or just an idea. about well, the meaning of life. I thought that perhaps life didn't have a meaning, if i did exist as the personification i wrote yesterday? Perhaps she's too looking for her own meaning? and to look for meaning in her is to perhaps the same as looking through the mirror, trying to find meaning in the reflections, which now it seems, sometimes possible i guess. But yeah. what if your Life is trying to search for a meaning for itself just as you go around searching a meaning for it.

Another thought. You don't 'lead a life' for you can't. Sometimes, yes, you can, but at others, it seems that the life is leading you. And some say that's just cos you are a loser, but look at all the evidences, does it not suggest that Life ain't to be 'led' like a dog?... For more info, look at the previous post.

Feeling philosophical this wkend. somewhat. perhaps its the full moon. perhaps its loneliness. or perhaps its both. kinda like this feeling actually. makes me feel useful and alive, and perhaps in a way, special. though i'm sure that a thousand others around the world are feeling the same way, and perhaps everyone does, one time or another, or more often than that. For I had the wierdest thought today on the bus, and its not the first time i thought of it, or more accurately someone enlightened me to it. For all around me, today, everyday, are individuals, with feelings, lives, dreams, thoughts, ideas perhaps none less philosophical or whimsical than mine, and somehow to others like me, they don't look it. They look 'normal'? If that's the word. And Its wondorous if you see the magnitude of it. Thoughts, dreams flying everywhere. If i could harness those dreams, man, I'll be the richest man on earth. And yeah. as a man, just find that my vision is narrow in this sense. I mean, i don't even know a micron of what everyone is thinking. And we are on the same bus. next to each other. chew on that.

On less philosophical stuff. today's been pretty fine. cept for the morning part where i took the wrong bus and thus had so much more time to think of the above.

till nxt time.

Life: A personification.

Watched 3:10 to Yuma at ran's place last night and that show i say is pretty solid. Kinda like this kind of movies with a certain amount of 'epic'-ness in them. perhaps its that want for me to prove myself to the world or to others which attracts me to these shows.

Its all because I'm dancing with Life. who had been one hell of a mesmerizing partner all the way till now and with the looks of it, promising to be more so as days go by. And when you're dancing with such a partner, there's an underlying need to perhaps, outdance and outshine her, or may I say a want. It may have as well been that Life was duelling with me. Dealing me blow after blow and using all sorts of coercion, threat and enticement to try tempt or plummel me to submit to it. But i prefer to see it as a dance where we are partners, but fighting for a single prize. And thus try to outdance and outshine each other. But after all, we are partners and when i'm at my worst, there's always dear old Life to talk to, and yeah. she'll understand.

People always personify Death in media, books or their minds. But as from my blog, I've recently came to the conclusion that Life, too, should be personified. For she's not destiny, who people may confuse her with. Nor any of the endless personified in the picture above. She's more of a secret partner, the 'invisible friend' of the child, the telephone lover of the love forsaken, the imaginary foe of those training in combat. She's the friend, the mentor and the foe. And she's a she. At least to me. She's like the beatles song 'She's the kinda girl you want so much it made you sorry' kinda girl. Someone who could trip you, trap you and destroy you again and again but yet you will never blame her. Ok, maybe for a moment you will, but it's never for long. For you know, as she breaks and deconstructs, so does she nurture and lend the hand you need. And sometimes you want to run away from her, when you're life's a mess, but Life will never allow that, she's like the moon that never has a new moon, the dog that never wants to leave your side. And you want to impress her, by trying to get on top of her. but you never will. for when you almost do, or when you feel that you almost do, Life will spring another suprise on you and suddenly you find yourself below again. Some never learn, and keep trying to get 'on top of their Life'. But as i said, Life won't allow it. Life is supposed to be treated as a partner, hands held, walking through the gardens of destiny and the graveyards of dream. And to take whatever she brings you, whatever suprises she may spring, whatever quarrels you may have together and to walk through them. And i guess, at the end of our journey through the garden of destiny, and when you see Death standing ahead of you, there's when you bid goodbye to Life, a lifelong friend and foe, forever, with great memories of the journeys done, regretless. And for the first time, you unlock hands, and Death leads us away into well. the dark.

Well.

Till next time.

Again

and to hell with Life. not literally of course. I rather still want him. But once again when I put him in a challenge, Life suprises me again by giving me a great night after the incident with great conversation with awesome people

Just some quotes.
why the interest in this field?
I say:
cos of experiences?
I say:
like one of them is my neighbour
I say:
he has this stress disorder which made him yelp whenever he is agitated or stressed
I say:
and i think kids now are unlucky. they're simply born in the wrong time. and in Singapore's case, the wrong place
I say:
and though i couldn't change that. i can change how they see it and perhaps make it better for them
I say:
i see children having to study so hard and having so much tution for streaming that they do not even have the chance to go to the playground
I say:
in fact. the tution kid i am teaching now hadn't been there since primary 2
I say:
I want to make a change.
I say:
one deep in the potential of those with the most potential
I say:

I believe that if a disease such as cancer or heart attack will claim you. It will. So we can fight. in fact we must. but i'll leave that to the others
I say:
I want to make a change when they are still far from such diseases. one that will make their life worthwhile. not do something that will just lengthen a person's years for what 5-10 years more on the wheelchair?

And so my game with Life continues. haha. Its a jolly good ride.

Routine**

Its yet another week of the routine.

Passed my ICCT (intermediete close combat training) on monday along with getting a few knocks and blueblack knees. outfield postponed till tomorrow. sian

friday duty.
sian.

can't wait till saturday again.

[update 1930pm] Just when i thought 'well, at least its settling back into a routine' and that Life* couldn't get worst than it is. Life stretches his feet out of the corner to trip me yet again. Guess Life doesn't like to be challenged. Well. The genius of me managed to drop my keys into an abyss of fathomless depth. And best of all. some of those keys are the only ones in camp. crap.

Sometimes i really do not know whether i would like a Life that's a routine or one of great fluctuations. But yeah. gonna push Life to its limits man. we'll see who wins this fight.

*Life currently feels like a total individual entity of its own which doesn't seem to take my opinions into consideration.

** The title becomes ironic after the update. thus the need for the double asterisk

Give me a break

have been quite an interesting day. swimming in the morning. Wall-e and Jack's place in the afternoon and then Munich at night. Munich by the way is really one hell of a show. and Wall-e isn't bad either. so having watched aplenty bad films, today was quite a good day.

'My fingernails keep growing, do i stop trimming them'

Damn i need to control my temper. And i need a personal workspace. Just had a small arguement with my parents cos i wasn't happy with them trying to talk to me while i was doing stuff. I mean this happens far too often. Weekly scenario. I come back from camp with a whole week load of stuff i need to do. Things that requires the com. Things that require me to sit down and think without any interruptions. Things that require me to shut off everything else. I know I haven't been around for a week and I know we need to have time sometime. And mayb It's me ignoring what's closest and dearest to me for they are so close. But yeah. feeling suffocated man. I need space. more space than many and maybe that's cos i dunno bout them. But yeah. I really need a breather away from everything. But this again posts a dillemma. For space and quietness broods emo and that's something i'm trying to get away from right now. And so i keep myself busy. And so to my parents, If you guys truly care, and I know you do, especially mum, about what have happened 2 months ago, please, let it be, ask no more questions about it, and leave me be. I thank you for your efforts and kindness, and I'm sorry, but just give me some space won't ya? Can't take any of this any much more.

Got on board a westbound seven-forty-seven
Didn't think before deciding what to do
All that talk of opportunities
TV breaks and movies
Rang true, sure rang true

Seems it never rains in Southern California
Seems I've often heard that kind of talk before
It never rains in California
But, girl, don't they warn ya
It pours, man, it pours

Out of work, I'm out of my head
Out of self-respect, I'm out of bread
I'm underloved, I'm underfed
I wanna go home

It never rains in California
But, girl, don't they warn ya
It pours, man, it pours

Will you tell the folks back home I nearly made it
Had offers but don't know which one to take
Please, don't tell them how you found me
Don't tell them how you found me
Gimme a break, gimme a break

Seems it never rains in Southern California
Seems I've often heard that kind of talk before
It never rains in California
But, girl, don't they warn ya
It pours, man, it pours

'Gimme a break, Gimme a break'

good day.

Just finished playing football and once again retired in front of the computer in my '2nd home', as others in the medical center call it.

It has been a day that is perhaps slightly better than usual. maybe cos of the football. woke up feeling kinda down cos of CCT or close combat training. or swinging-bolsters-at-each-other-wildly sessions but it was the first time in months(?) in which i did so much physical activity in a day. haha. and true to my curse, i injured myself playing football again. though it was just minor scraping on the skin. hurts though. But performed reasonably well i guess.

went back to the ordinarypeoplechangetheworld website again cos i guess its kinda inspirational and read its stories under 'Good Deeds'. kinda inspiring.

was just talking to friends about my retirement plan again or more exactly why i want to go overseas one day. well. to tell the truth. life here's too good for me. Good in the way that we are monitored everywhere and no one could commit a crime. but it also means that all of us are monitored by the tons of cameras around. 'Big brother' anyone? Good in the sense that pramatism rules in singapore and that practical solutions are found for all problems, but so pragmatic is the system and the people that a toe out of line or a want to be out of the box may sometimes be unwelcomed. Good in the sense that we have 24 hours excitement and activities, and lights that illuminate every part of the city. But it also means that there isn't a time where everyone rests together and that natural lights of the skies are outshone every moment. Good in the way that the country teaches the people to fish, instead of giving them a fish. But sometimes, men just need that one fish to get back on their feet again.

So don't get me wrong, Singapore is a good place with great people all around. and i'm goddamn hapy to be here since i ever been. And perhaps its the 'grass on the other side is always greener' syndrome, but i guess its something like chocolates perhaps? can't find something to compare it with. but its one of those things that you didn't want at first but once you tasted it you want it more kinda things? Guess my short stint overseas have did me more impact than i thought it had. Singapore i guess, is, and always will be my home, just like malaysia have been for my parents and China to my gramps, But like them and a million other species not restricted to humans, i guess its about moving to somewhere more suitable to grow, develop and perhaps pass the baton to the next generation. Ok. that's thinking too far. But yeah, if i was to develop on that. I would want to raise my offsprings in the sunrise unhindered by buildings or cargo ships or floating kelongs, and would like to retire in sunsets of the same settings. I want to raise them at schools which care about what they like, instead of what will be 'good' for them, and i would like to retire where the government cares and provides for the old like me, heathcare, accesibility, kindness. I would want to raise them to understand the ideals of freedom and individuality, and i would want to retire in the ideals of those.

that is one long post by recent standards.

haha.

and thus here i should stop. its been kinda nice typing. here and there. haha.

one last thing. QOTD '*looks in the skies in dissapointment... and after awhile lowers it back cos my neck hurts*'

haha.

ordinarypeoplechangetheworld

Well. was just reading Neil Gaiman's again and was linked to this video above which i urge everyone to see. I joined the organisation.

haha.

Well. I guess since i am involved with the planning of this thing i should somewhat promote it here.
Yeah. my temple, or religious organisation, is organising a camp for secondary school students during the end of yr break. So i am part of the organising committee and i say its gonna be one hell of a camp. Details to follow as they come.

ARGH. premier pro just hang on me!

:)

ship in a storm

hell man. talk about a series of unfortunate events. things have been unfortunate well. since that unfortunate incident and perhaps even some time before. but yeah. one bad thing have been happening after another and sometimes i just feel like the captain of a ship in a storm. have to just hang on man.

at least i most likely get to go back home for at least a while tomorrow.

have CCT on saturday. damn.

I need some free time out of camp.

Dunno why.
But i seem to be reduced to single sentences to summarise whole days.
dun really have anything to say i guess.
Can't really think when all your effort is going into keeping your ship upright.

till next time

myth of uniquity part 2

So west ham has won, rather convincingly and it looks as though curbishley will keep his job for now. He's gotta improve or one day or another someone still have to replace him.

was just looking at something through facebook and then wiki and it kinda built on my theory of the myth of uniquity. here we are trying to believe that we are all different and special and there we go accepting things that are the same for everyone and believing they are unique. And yeah. uniquity is really getting more and more to be a myth to me. everyone's just so similar however hard we try to be different.

Obama. West ham.

just read some stuff from obama. and kinda think that he's good. haha. hope Singapore have someone who's like him. Someone who would bring freedom and change to a country, though not saying that what we have now ain't good.* Kinda hope i am able to vote for him though i am not american at all. so yeah. gonna show my support for him here.

he sounds and feels so much like prez richards, the would be american president in neil gaiman's acclaimed sandman comic, World's end. just hope he's able to accomplish the same.

Go Obama.

On another note not totally unrelated, west ham takes on blackburn today. kinda scared, best thing i could hope for is for west ham to lose heavily and curbishley to get sacked next thing in the morning with bilic signed immedietely as a replacement and bringing in one or two signing of his own just before the transfer window closes in 48 hours time.

badly need something to improve my mood. something like west ham winning by a big margin, but that contradicts the point above so if its possible let west ham win and curbishley be sacked still. haha.

ate seoul garden with zhou ran and reubs just now. now feeling the ill effects of overeating.

3rd extra

just found out my friendster have been hacked since dunno when and some of the stuff on it was changed. idiots. haha. changed it back though.

serving day 3 of my 3 extra duties for losing my camp pass. which i guess was somewhat perhaps the start of quite a bit of bad luck. a streak that lasted till now. perhaps its the fact that i ain't joining my friends out there on this friday night. instead stuck in camp with no one but me, a driver and yet another medic. tomorrow will be out after family day shit in the morn.

running out of games on psp or books to read. need to find something that could somewhat stimulate my brain again.

shall end of with a song i think nice. haha.


i've been looking so long at these pictures of
you that i almost belive that they're real i've
been living so long with my pictures of you that
i almost believe that the pictures are all i can
feel

remembering you standing quiet in the rain as
i ran to your heart to be near and we kissed as
the sky fell in holding you close how i always
held close in your fear remembering you
running soft through the night you were bigger
and brighter than the snow and
screamed at the make-believe screamed at the
sky and you finally found all your courage to
let it all go

remembering you fallen into my arms crying
for the death of your heart you were stone
white so delicate lost in the cold you were
always so lost in the dark remembering you
how you used to be slow drowned you were
angels so much more than everything oh hold
for the last time then slip away quietly open
my eyes but i never see anything

if only i had thought of the right words i could
have hold on to your heart if only i'd thought of
the right words i wouldn't be breaking apart all
my pictures of you

Looking So long at these pictures of you but i
never hold on to your heart looking so long for
the words to be true but always just breaking
apart my pictures of you

there was nothing in the world that i ever
wanted more than to feel you deep in my heart
there was nothing in the world that i ever
wanted more than to never feel the breaking
apart all my pictures of you

Pictures of you. The cure.

till nxt time.

Its been a week which could only be described as lukewarm. Its one of those where everything once again seemed so. common? or ordered? like life has been when i was at school. the daily routines of waking up, doing work, resting, sleeping. and its kinda boring i guess. but in this boredom i guess there is a certain fixed satisfaction like lukewarm water brings. sure it may not have the electricity of cold water, or the tenacity of boiling water. but lukewarm is what i guess, humans, take best.

Just started some sort of 'artistic expression' in camp by drawing on the whiteboards. but unfortunately my first ventures into art was not well recieved and was critised as too gory and 'sick' as i drew a human skull with a hole on top of the skull with a flowing tap washing its brain out through the ears and ants crawling all over and inside the skull and somewhat to me aptly named, 'the armymen'.

nth much else.

slightly sick again..
URTI. or upper respiratory tract infection, or utterly ravaging throat irritation.

To say i'm fine will be lying. haha. but i'm lucky to have a great bunch or brothers.

I guess its time to set up my castle and armour again. so that another, one day, could walk into my life again.

I google you

I Google you
late at night when I don’t know what to do
I find photos
you’ve forgotten
you were in
put up by your friends

I Google you
when the day is done and everything is through
I read your journal
that you kept
that month in France
I’ve watched you dance

And I’m pleased your name is practically unique
it’s only you and
a would-be PhD in Chesapeake
who writes papers on
the structure of the sun
I’ve read each one

I know that I
should let you fade
but there’s that box
and there’s your name
somehow it never makes the pain
grow less or fade or disappear
I think that I should save my soul and
I should crawl back in my hole
But it’s too easy just to fold
and type your name again
I fear
I google you
Whenever I’m alone and feeling blue
And each scrap of information
That I gather
says you’ve got somebody new
And it really shouldn’t matter
ought to blow up my computer
but instead….
I google you

lyrics by Neil Gaiman
song by Amanda Palmer

post 300

have been wanting to post for the past few days but haven been able to make up a sufficiently long or even readable post.

well. it has been somewhat of a poor week after what have been a somewhat acceptable wkend due to the advent of the epic battle between i, zhou, ran and cyc on bfme. feeling emo from time to time but otherwise fine.

guess this kinda sums up what kinda mood i am in for this 300th post. nothing seems to be at the best it could be. yet nothing bad enough to really write about. damn. can't wait for a wkend where i am well and properly free.

i need a break from everything man. sian. mayb a wk or 2 at an isolated island.

And yeah. its difficult being a marquis, the marquis. The marquis de carabas. After all, favours sold are difficult to call back and i do not know if i could, or if i even want to. But yeah. been pretty happy buying selling favours to be called back when i want to.

olympics part 1.

back to normality i guess. but this line kinda always bring the start of a new wave of emo. so yeah. tentatively. haha

anyway. was watching olympics quite a bit this few days cos of my passion in sports and the fact that i simply have too much time to spend in the medical center. and yeah. kinda impressed by quite a few athletes and teams. Always kinda inspired by this kinda event. the things it represent.

For me. this Olympics is a celebration of asian pride. Of asians reclaiming their rightful place in the world. For centuries we have been seen as an 'inferior' race, even after the end of the wwII. Asians or even more specifically chinese still have no place in the world. with many percieving us as slave and slavers, motivated by money and money alone. I feel that this Olympics have shown the world what we chinese are all about. Yes. We may speak your language. Yes. We may worship Bill Gates and Donald Trump. But Yes too we have cultural pride. How the west tried to deride the chinese about their rule over tibet, trying to cause internal chaos. and how the chinese of the world all stood up together in support of the chinese, rallying in almost every country which matters, every stage of the world torch relay.. Australia, America, England, all the chinese immigrants of the world, stood up. and did we win? well, Tibet is still under china rule isn't it. And then comes the olympics. and China put up one of the most spectacular opening ceremonies of all times. Its Grandeur and Majesty unrivalled. and yet again, the western newspapers critised it for being staged and deciding instead to focus on an injury instead of the whole show. And the measures to make this a 'green' Olympics. Are the chinese really oppressed? Well. If i was there, it would be one sacrifice i'm willing to make to help show the world who and what we are. And all the negativity surrounding the judging and stuff. If this was FM, i wouldn't have hesitated into clicking, 'sounds like sour grapes to me' and confirming it.

Kinda angry at the fact that this being one of the better games i've seen so far being bombarded and critised as though it was the worst ever. If a western country were to put in such an effort to make this happen, it would be said that 'immense national effort' has done it. but for china, it'll be 'oppression of the people'. For goodness sake, as the chinese, how many aren't proud of the olympics and how many are willingly being 'oppressed' so as to make the games successful. For me Beijing was much better than Athens, much better publicised, prepared and presented.

I am a fan of freedom, after all my comics, Captain America, Superman, Green Lantern. But yeah, i do know that there isn't any specific standard you could set for everyone. which is what singapore has been arguing all along when they said that we did not have enough freedom of expression.

kinda crazy rant. But yeah. result on reading online stuff bout the beijing olympics. I mean, I am chinese after all, different from chinese chinese but after all still a chinese. and an asian. A mongoloid if you may. And yeah. i do feel some pride for that. in fact quite abit. sure. It may not matter here in singapore. But i dare anyone who says that it does not matter anywhere to go for a stint abroad. It may only be as short as 2 months. But you will realise. We are asian whether we want it or not and we have to fight for that respect. every inch of it.

lol.
next post will be more moderate. sounds like some crazy communist.

Thank you.

Well. now feeling much better than when i typed that post in camp yesterday. though i'm still stuck at home alone. bored out of my nuts.

well. i just feel that i should give thanks instead to that you in my memories. for i know that things have changed and so have people. And the person i loved will be but now a memory. So yeah.

Thank you. For colouring my life magneta, cyan, maroon and turquoise from the basic Red blue and Yellow of the old me. and Thank you too for showing me those colours.
Thank you. For Painting the blue canvas with clouds in the morning and stars in the night. Things otherwise totally ignored by me. And thanks for showing me that though not every cloud has a silver lining, the clear blue canvas will always be behind those clouds.
Thank you. For showing me flowers beyond the five petals and central circles. For they made me notice my surroundings.
Thank you. For making me know that walking isn't a chore. Sometimes.
Thank you. For raising my head. Allowing me to walk proud of myself when i was most in doubt over myself. And thank you too for raising it, for it is then that i could see the wonders in the heavens.
Thank you. For showing me the power of art and expression, poise and grace. Things once considered pointless and useless to me.
Thank you. For bringing me music. And to allow me to realise that music isn't about a note or even a movement. Its about whole symphonies and concertos.
Thank you. For activating my thinking mind. For before that, i hardly thought of anything at all. And thank you too. For being there to share my thoughts.
Thank you. For making me dream such wonders. And thank you too, for showing me dreams may, after all, be dreams.
Thank you. For starting my changes. Allowing me and others to see myself in a new light. And showing me changes may be good,.or bad, or both
Thank you. For showing me love, and the sharpness of the tip of the 'heart' sign. And for helping me understand slightly more.
Thank you. For being my sword and shield. And for letting me know that all swords are double-edged and shields badly positioned will crush one's arm.
Thank you. For showing me stars could be captured. But may burn in uncareful hands.
Thank you. For showing me that smoke gets in your eyes. But yet that's not the way it feels.
Thank you. For showing me what i believe is the greatest motivator of life. And yet the greatest breaker of spirits.
Thank you. For letting me experience almost all of the endless. And showing me why are they endless.
Thank you. For showing how great friends are. Then. and now.
Thank you. For a million time where you occupied my empty mind. And thank you for showing me that it can be filled sometimes with other things.
Thank you.
Thank you. For the many small things i may have missed out. And some big things as well.
Thank you. For letting me realize its all a matter of perspective. And sometimes you just have to turn around.
Thank you. Too for many subtle things that even now i may not have realised. And that sometimes its better not to realise somethings.
And yeah. Thank you.

I'll move on. though i know even when i type this it may be just days or even hours or minutes before i fall into a emo hole again. But yeah. For now. Thank you for the memories and yeah. I do know what the one in my memory will say to all those i just did. But times have changed haven they? Its in a heroes blood to recognize that. Like Batman. Or Superman. Who always seem to see changes. And i want to be one. and i'll try to be one. and one day perhaps i may be one. Maybe not yours. Or almost certainly not yours. But yeah. I'll be one someday. And then I'll say thank you again. For being the first. And yes. I do not know, neither do i want to pretend to know, nor try to believe i know that what you will think of this. Cos as proven many times, it may be just the opposite. So yeah. Thank you. And let me try to flip the page slowly once more.

and isnt that the way they say it goes...

damn man. damn.
all those effort by me to try to move on.
just not working for me man.
1 mth after and
i am still bleeding down here.
when the other performers have already moved on to other productions.
leaving me here still with my empty stage.
playing a tragic mime.
agonizing.

Last words.

here's just one last post before i have to book in for what have been one of the best days spent entirely at home doing nothing. Playing games all day long while talking to me mum and just lazing around. quite a change from my hectic daily life and my even more busy wkend life.

broke at the moment. i mean financially. In dreams i'm far from broke, cos my current wants are kinda sky high which kinda made me financially broke. Need new shoes, shirt, jeans, games, cap...

etc. haha. anyway just designed my dream boots on NIKE ID. haha. i like the fact that i could customise the words on my boots. haha. one hell of coolness. looks a million buck man. haha.

Operator.


With a little help from my friends.

Of boot colours

Chanced upon this as i was reading my usual soccer news and think its kinda cool. in fact. very cool. haha.

FYI I used to be yellow and red and have thus since moved on to green, black and gold. haha. So which kinda means i was once the enthusiastic life and soul of the team who plays aggresively and has since changed my role to be the enigmatic defence organiser who happens to be the golden boy of the team. LOL. haha. kinda cool yeah.

and scrolling all the way down kinda made me chuckle when i thought of zhou and his sala soccer shoes. haha.

So. what colour is yours?

Of dreams and nightmares and postponed wonders.

Just came home and had dinner with me mum and after that both of us had our try at the 8m prize up for grap on this friday's toto draw. come this friday, i'll either be 3 dollars poorer of 8 millions richer or somewhere in between. haha. dreams of grandeur and finesse again. imagining an island and everything once more.

And talking bout imagination and dreams once more. Do you ever get dreams that you wake up from saying to yourself, 'damn, why didn't i have this one last time when things were different'? Dreams that are nightmares now which may have been great if they had happened just days before or weeks before. And then you get a splitting headache and a bad taste in your mouth and you suddenly could taste that bad breath of yours that you normally miss when you are newly awake? If you hadn't, trust me, its the worst kinda nightmare you will ever get, a postponed dream. (there ain't a word for the opposite of nightmare, but if there was, it would have fit it just right there) Fancy an example? well. this is a adaptation of one i got, though its totally different. Imagine you got rejected by a course in say a university of your choice. Then a few weeks after you thought you have put that dissapointment behind, your brain decides to just suprise you at the point where you have no control over it- when you're asleep, and thus starts to broadcast a vivid dream of you having a perfect day in that course of your choice which climaxes with a scene so wonderful and awesome that you wake up from it, only to find, its only been, and only will be a dream made by that crocked brain of yours.
:)

How worst can dreams get. When you get a bad dream, at least when you wake you could comfort yourself in the fact that it will never happen. But when you get a good one, the same couldn't be said, can it?

medical center monster hunting.

at medical center again. decided to make this kinda my bunk instead cos of the great amenieties provided. And its much more convenient to do my dressing on my wound here at the medical center. But kinda wasting government funds though, changed my dressing 3 times today. haha. Kinda fun to play with the dressing.

Still not feeling top of the world, like there's just so much more potential to feel as good as i had last time. but yeah. kinda feeling the best i could right now.

nth much else actually.

shall go hunt monsters again.. lol.

Operator

lack of post this wkend cos was kinda busy. Mummy, monster hunting, section4 outing and football in that order. it was fun overall cept for the football being spoilered by some idiots kicking a ball and a new injury i got on my foot. but otherwise a somewhat good weekend, if slightly emo.

Thinking alot, sometimes bout stuff that makes me feel better and sometimes stuff that makes me feel one hell worst. but yeah. i guess it takes time for me. and yeah. I know the way. but nonetheless kinda reminded of this song though.

Operator, oh could you help me place this call
You see the number on the matchbook is old and faded
She’s livin’ in l.a.
With my best old ex-friend ray
A guy she said she knew well and sometimes hated

Isn’t that the way they say it goes
But let’s forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it
So I can call just to tell them I’m fine and to show
I’ve overcome the blow
I’ve learned to take it well
I only wish my words could just convince myself
But that’s not the way it feels

Operator, oh could you help me place this call
’cause I can’t read the number that you just gave me
There’s something in my eye’s
You know it happens every time
I think about the love that i thought would save me

Isn’t that the way they say it goes
But let’s forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it
So I can call just to tell them I’m fine and to show
I’ve overcome the blow
I’ve learned to take it well
I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn’t real
But that’s not the way it feels

Operato,r oh let’s forget about this call
There’s no one there I really wanted to talk you
Thank you for your time
Oh you’ve been so much more than kind
And you can keep the dime

Isn’t that the way they say it goes
But let’s forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it
So I can call just to tell them I’m fine and to show
I’ve overcome the blow
I’ve learned to take it well
I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn’t real
But that’s not the way it feels...

and that's bout it for this wkend. haha
writing this at the medical center now actually. haha.
kinda nice place, gonna stay here for the whole olympic period. lol.

till nxt time