Tuesday 29 December 2009

Alright.
The new year has not arrived but the year we're in now is definitely ending. And as the years cycle by, it is once again time to review the year and conclude.

Well. The year has been a good one. Or this 2 years anyway. It seemed like one long year cause this time last year, i was among the wild horses of New Zealand, meditating from the back of my land rover. Ok not exactly, New year was celebrated then with poker and beer. And the repetitive nature of a job in the organisation means that things have been somewhat similar throughout the two years. So yeah. This two years has been shit, but now that its past, i could proudly look back and say 'hey, it ain't that bad innit?'. All those wkends lost and holidays burned.

And looking back at my resolutions for the year, i am pleased to say that the guitar is now my friend, at least to a certain level, and so has been the uke, which has been a great bonus right at the end of the year. I can still not drive. And the amount of writing i did was quite minimal especially in the latter part of the year. So, half of the stuff accomplished? That's more than i actually believed i will do in the first place.

And there be alot of thoughts. which i will sort out in my free time this few days.

but for now, the legend of the seeker awaits.

Sunday 27 December 2009

Rest

Well. its been long but things had been far from static. Still trying to settle into this lifestyle change as i move on from the organisation back to dependency of the family.

During my days in the organisation, I was, for more than once, compelled to write stuff against it when the organisation dealt one injustice over another at me. And at those times, i made a mental note to write down those stuff then once i am over and done with the organisation. And i was reminded of those mental notes that i had as i saw all the anger towards the organisation by my fellow mates in the organisation.

I am still against the organisation as any of my close friends would tell you. Against the forceful recruitment process and against the whole idea of it and the lack of alternatives to it. But to write anything against it now seem pointless and unrequired. And so i shall burn those mental notes of mine. For forgiveness is a virtue, ain't it?

But life has certainly slowed down. Not that it was fast to begin with. But it does bring a certain joy to wake early to know that i am at perfect liberty to sleep in. To go for lunch at 1 at Loyang Point, eating a $2.50 mixed-vegetable rice which need not necessarily taste better than the rations i recieve, but to know that it is as good a meal a free man can get. To sit on my couch, playing the uke, musing bout life's little melodies, knowing that there's no one to be triaged or dispensed. I like this.

I like sleeping early and waking early. Watching videos online and then shows on TV then read a few books and play some psp. Just lazing around at home rocking to and fro in my rocking chair while the winds of spring start to blow, watching the rays of the sun change in their angles and hues.

Rest. This is what i needed.

Friday 18 December 2009

Its D+7 days and i am already feeling the ill effects of being free. Exhaustion and illness has striken me and so has constant nagging.

I mean how hard is it to let me do my own things. Give only opinion when i ask for it. And not anytime and everytime possible and saying things like i am cursed or something. and everything isn't the fault of the computer or the psp. damn it.

Why can't i ever be free.

Friday 11 December 2009

Someone once said:


But well,



=)
'Tis the gift to be simple,
'tis the gift to be free,
'tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
It will be in the valley of love and delight.



Delight. bordering on delirium

Thursday 10 December 2009

Finale

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?


If. Would?

Wednesday 9 December 2009

Deuces.

So. its 2 days to what must be one of the greatest days in recent history.

2 Days to 2 Decades of life.
2 Days to end 2 Years of Servitude.

Somehow all the celebration and joy of such an occasion is absent. Drained by the bloody troublesome application for visas and university places.

A pair of Deuces.
Just a pair of Deuces left.

Take a photograph,
It'll be the last,
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here

Sunday 6 December 2009

4

Sorry for the absence. was away due to a broken connection and a sloth-like lifestyle.

But its 4 days left and i have already wrapped up most, if not all, of my life in the organisation.

But yes, for a friend:

You are not alone, for I am here with you
Though you're far away, I am here to stay
You are not alone, for I am here with you
Though we're far apart, you're always in my heart


You really aren't. You guys will always be my friends man. never forget the after office hours.

Tuesday 1 December 2009

9

Expert texpert choking smokers
Don't you think the joker laughs at you? Ha ha ha!
See how they smile,
Like pigs in a sty,
See how they snied. I'm crying.


9 more days of walrus-ish madness.

Monday 30 November 2009

But I'm not a miracle and you're not a saint
just another soldier on a road to nowhere


10 more days on that road.

Sunday 29 November 2009

Emma.

I've just seen a face,
I can't forget the time or place
That we'd just met, she's just the girl for me
And I want all the world to see we've met


And her name is Emma.

Friday 27 November 2009

Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong


No prizes for guessing what am i waiting for.

Thursday 26 November 2009

Freedom came my way one day
And I started out of town, yeah!
All of a sudden I saw sheriff John Brown
Aiming to shoot me down,
So I shot - I shot - I shot him down and I say:
If I am guilty I will pay. ORD LOH!

I shot the sheriff- Bob Marley.

Its the same concept really.

Wednesday 25 November 2009

Mama, put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore.
That long black cloud is comin' down
I feel like I'm knockin' on heaven's door.

Maybe not heaven. But nonetheless close.

Saturday 21 November 2009

Last duty.

Please let this really be my last ever duty.

Sitting around the medical center typing this for what may be the last time does not change in any way the fact that just sitting around here the whole day is unproductive and boring.

Have been sitting here trying to arrange my thoughts and beliefs after a few bouts of arguements over prawning. And quite honestly, you all are right. I kill for food, not unlike any other, perhaps indirectly but yes. I eat meat and wear leather and some of my treatment for asthma required parts from crocs, lizards and a hundred exotic animals. I too am subscribing at least to some part to the 'capitalist, confirmist ideas' i try so hard to argue against. Its not so much instilled into us as deeply engraved from birth. How can i argue against money when money was the 'solution' to the problems, a common entity used for anything and everything. Why deal in apples and cows when little green pieces of paper could help. So what if some of it go to some people who are 'financially smarter', So what if some of these pieces of paper are never seen by us? After all the work governments put in to make this system work surely they deserve something? And i would say Yes. They do. But ask me, if given a knife, will i kill an animal? Would i prefer to pay for something instead of trading for something like maybe "I'll cut you 10 pieces of that firewood for that meat"? No. will definitely be my answer.

And so will i prawn, for the fun involved in pulling the rod, for the freshness that comes with seeing a prawn squirm with pain in the deadly sprinkling of salt? My answer is No. Anytime. Everytime. If i eat it, will it taste any worse for me than if i bought it from NTUC? No. In fact i think it would taste much better. I know for that matter that it would taste better. But for it to leave a mark on my conscience? I would rather not. Why? You ask, that eating that will leave a mark on my conscience but not say eating a piece of fried colonel's. The answer is simple. I am human. And as i said in a few posts before, I am well equiped to filter out what i think i should not think. I can cut off the massacre at the slaughterhouse when i eat my steak, or the live skinning of the hides to make my adornments, but i am not prepared to see say a quail die in my very hands. I simply do not think my mind is capable of ignoring it when i'm the one with blood on my hands. And being human also means i am able to better hide the facts from myself using statistics. 20 men were killed in an earthquake in the news will have less of an impact than say, being at a crying wake of a single relative. 1 in 6 suffers from cancer is not as painful as me getting a bad bout of cough. The same way i am capable of grouping the animals i eat but do not see under a broad category of 'animals killed in a humane manner' while not being able to get sleep the night after killing a common rat. I am not proud of it. In fact, I am ashamed. For perhaps lacking that selflessness to feel the pain of others, human or animal. For perhaps being unable to put my ideas into ideas for my own selfish desires of greed, gluttony and perhaps most of the other five sins. For myself being unable to cast those 'stupid' thoughts away and just fucking kill that fucking rat. For being human. For not being humane.

But if i am still to be mocked at every instance for that. For that weakness i am sure few if not none are able to say they do not have. For being 'difficult', in trying to preserve whatever few beliefs of humanity i have in myself. I rest my case.

And i know that perhaps the above few paragraphs may not make sense at all. For even sometimes after reading it through several times, i do not believe it to be a totally accurate potrayal of the ideas i have in mind. But yes. The best i could do.

Please let this be the last duty.

Thursday 19 November 2009

It may be chemical. Codeine mixed with eucalyptus and a little dequalinium chloride may cause this constricting, strangling feel.

And perhaps Dietary. An increase in watery meals, coupled with a huge hike in vegetable consumption and a huge decrease in meat intake, Not forgetting a 10-fold rise in water intake, may have caused this wierd feeling in my stomach.

Or it may be physiological. A lack of exercise added to an increase amount of computer radiation towards a hurting shoulder and infected chest may be the reason to this rising irritation within me.

And it might to be psychological. A sleepless night that came with old nightmares, and a lack of proper things to think about, unaided by the needless tasks perhaps given by myself, may have been the cause behind my numbing headache.

This sucks.

Monday 9 November 2009

Of Mice and Men

I killed a rat. No. Worse. I did mortal damage to it. Dealt it a slow painful death. I panicked seeing the rat and kicked a door which it was behind. And it was killed. And am i not supposed to feel bad? Some call the rat a pest. A vermin. Something that the world shall not miss. Something i should perhaps not feel bad about.

But i do. terribly. Like Atheist to Religious terribly. I have no idea why i turned to scriptures all of a sudden but yeah, it just felt like the right thing to do then. I can't even totally believe in heaven and co. but somehow i just felt from that moment until now that, heaven is definitely in existence. Nirvana is definitely in existence. Karma. Buddha. Jesus. Allah. Odin. Thor. Achilles. Hector. Loki. Lao Tze. Seeing the rat suffer was just too much for my mortal mind. Knowing that i caused it was even harder to bear.

Mankind does these things too much for us to feel anything. We are dulled not by the killing of animals but by the killing of man himself. The Wars on terror. Terrorism. Homicide. The Death Penalty. So much that the animals become insignificant. Why argue on whether the cow should be killed when we need to make a decision on whether to pull the troops from Iraq. Who cares about the killing of young foals and calves when swine flu is going around.

I mean. I am no vegan. I love steaks and have a fetish for leather. But somehow when i eat my lamb chops or don my leather jacket, those thoughts of death and brutality doesn't come to my mind. Its an intricate ability we were granted at creation. The ability to be unfeeling and indifferent to all those that are not directly in connection to us. The ability to use a piece of foie gras to outweigh to pain dealt to a lower lifeform, a 'souless' shell for some, less important to others. To place the owning of a leopard fur scarf as having more importance than the life of an endangered species. The ability to think of ourselves as 'creatures capable of higher thought and understanding', as a class of our own when the Linnaean classification place us under the same genus as the common chimp. And i'm guilty as charged. And there's no way about it. No excuses for the horrors mankind has done but selfishness and arrogance. And some would say we have earned it. Our society they will say, look at the skyscapers, the great wall, have we not earned the right to rule? Are we not superior? Yet Man did not survive atlantis, fishes did. Man did not survive Hiroshima, cockroaches did. Eruptions, Tsunamis, Earthquakes. Gods did not choose man to run the programme to find the ultimate question to life, the universe and everything, they picked the mice.*

And the best thing? Man is determined. A strong race destined to suceed. By tomorrow i would have forgotten all about the above. Save maybe a little tinge of guilt and sadness. But even that will disappear with a bite of colonel's best chicken or when i see a new pair of tigers. Or when a group of ants decide to feast on a sandwich left in my bag, or a cockroach deciding to take up residence in my room.

And so before i forget. Before all this goes away. Let me ask for forgiveness. And say a little prayer.

Sorry.

Till next time.

*even in this depressed state i couldn't resist a small reference to The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy.Pardon me.

Change

Change. seems to have an intense dislike of me. Either that or our schedules just do not complement each other. I mean, everytime changes happen, I am somehow not around,Half a day away, or half a planet away. And these changes are never nice. They come in when i'm not around, wreck havoc and threaten to turn my world around, then leaves, a little like a thief if you like.

But you know what. I can't care less bout these changes now. For i am waiting for the big one. The earthshaking change that will happen in slightly more than a month's time.

And maybe i would not be this excited when the day comes. Maybe i would be sad. But i can for one tell you that i am pleased that this will be over and done with soon. This is it.

3 days this week. looking forward to wednesday.

West ham trailing as i typing. A comeback? hopefully.

Wednesday 4 November 2009

Beatles In Five years time.

Oh well in five years time we could be walking round a zoo
With the sun shining down over me and you
And there’ll be love in the bodies of the elephants too
And I’ll put my hands over your eyes, but you’ll peep through

And there’ll be sun sun sun
All over our bodies
And sun sun sun
All down our necks (?)
And sun sun sun
All over our faces
And sun sun sun

So what the heck

Cos I’ll be laughing at all your silly little jokes
And we’ll be laughing about how we used to smoke
All those stupid little cigarettes
And drink stupid wine
Cos it’s what we needed to have a good time

And it was fun fun fun
When we were drinking
It was fun fun fun
When we were drunk
And it was fun fun fun
When we were laughing
It was fun fun fun
Oh it was fun

Alright. Its been a day of boredom and just woke up from a short nap with a raging headache which feels like a hangover when i haven't even been drinking. Its like this is probably a literal brain storm. It seems as though my mind is replicating the weather outside right in the very compounds of my skull.

But it just felt like a day that i had to write something. anything. Perhaps just post some lyrics, which by the way is a pretty quirky yet cool song by Mr. Reuben James, Hector, Last son of Troy. In five years time i'll not be in singapore barring a very odd turn of events.

Met Neil Gaiman over the wkend while he was in Singapore. And needless to be told. He was cool. awesomely cool. Like totally unlike someone's who's approaching 50. But somehow when i meet someone like him, someone who i have immense respect or liking for, it just feels odd. Like Suddenly it doesn't feel that magical anymore. But nonetheless, it was awesome to be able to hear him talk and yeah, feel artsy or something for once. And yeah. Thanks for queuing for me twice.

Camp feels like an airport transit now.

And Beatles are awesome. They are like the pinnacle of Sex, Drugs and Rock&Roll. I mean, listen to I am a Walrus and Happiness is A Warm Gun, 2 awesome song that kept me company right now.

And before the dragon* trapped in my brain forces and escape. I shall go and reinforce the prison by sleeping.


*dragon here does not refer to me taking any form of narcotics except for perhaps a Flu Vaccine Jab taken 5 hours ago.

Till Next time.

Tuesday 3 November 2009

There's something different about booking in this time. Perhaps its because of the long absence or other unfathomable reasons, I am actually not having the blues.. haha.

this week is gonna be awesome.

38 now.

Monday 2 November 2009

apologies

Alright this must be how scrooge feels like the night after christmas eve.

Sometimes all it takes is a simple apology. For something you have done perhaps lifetimes ago but was too caught up in the times then to even stop and consider it. For things you were perhaps too young to notice and too stupid to understand and having an ego that covers the world does not aid in anyway at all.

And all you need to is believe.

"Only the gods are real."-Neil Gaiman.

Sunday 1 November 2009

ok this stinks. West ham drew a match they should have won (again) and i just lost my keys for the first time in about 6 years. bravo.

Wednesday 28 October 2009

In the beginning. It was simple. United we stand, divided we fall was the rule of the book. And so someone said, stop the divisive speech, stop those hateful ideas. And people rallied around him, increasing in numbers as days past. And they asked,' how are we to ensure that we stay united, who will do the policing?' And so it began. The establishment of police started.

Alright. I couldn't start it from the start. So i'll try to trace back from the end. The end was 1984, the days of big brother. The days of TV screens that looked at you as much as you looked at them. They didn't have that before. Before that all they had was civilian policing, not dis-similar to the ancient 'have you seen this man' posters one might find in the wild west, pictures was posted on the net, on TVs, newspapers, on any form of media imaginable. And the system said, 'Help the society and your loved ones, report any crime now.' And Any meant any. Including your mum queuing in the expresslane with 1 more than 10 items. Including your baby sister innocently tresspassing on the grass of a neighbour. Including having a gay friend. Eyes turned into cameras and ears into listening posts. Technology was obsolete. Who needs a camera when you have eyes on your side, a thousand megapixels better than cameras. And the system then decided that what if you yourself was committing a crime, perhaps having a sexual thought about the 10 girls on tv simultaneously, surely that is 'intent' for 'deviant sexual habits'. And thus the screens were installed.

And before civilian policing there too was cameras. In 'public' places as it was called then, to defer would be criminals and help capture escaping convicts. The system said it worked and they wanted to step up a notch, for 'there can never be too little crime'. And then before that there was censorship, the banning of things the system feel inappropriate and dangerous towards the moral fibers of society. The majority agreed. Most believed that sun revolved around the earth. Most thought that men were made out of clay, while most also believed that men were the result of a single couple. Most also thought that the system was perfect. Thus books that 'most' do not agree to are burned, those who are not the 'most' are burned at the stake, not before making sure they know why are they wrong. And before most, there was the beginning.

-Inspired by 1984 and a little reading here and there. The above writings are purely fictional and is not a reference to any phenomenon or person dead or alive. Please, i am part of the majority.



And a single unrelated link.

Com'on. its on wiki.

Monday 26 October 2009

Day 1

Checked out several shops and ended up buying something that is totally unrelated. Experience meant that i looked it up online in case same thing happens again.

Moving of furniture starts tomorrow.

Friday 23 October 2009

of numbers

hello. yes. i'm back from land of non-alcoholic beer and pubs selling blueberry syrup also known as Brunei Darrusallam. Unlike previous trips, i do not have any pictures this time, forgot the camera amongst the million stuff i brought there. But Brunei was ok. not awesome. slightly worst than expected. especially the ppl there. but yeah. who cares? I'm done with going overseas and into forests with the organisation. almost done anyway.

And its 49 days. to what i would have once called freedom and what my parents call unemployment in this great snakes and ladders game of life. And as i approach it, and as life gets better, the feeling gets wierder. Like, i am not so sure i can call it freedom anymore cos it isn't. I mean, there's still lots after the organisation, responsibilities, authority things like that. And perhaps i never will be totally free. But yeah. the end of these 49 days is still a day i look forward to day and night and every half a minute in between them.

and talking bout number of days and milestones and such. Just watched 500days of summer with Reubs, Joko and Jon. While i wouldn't deny that its a great show. unorthodox, but nonetheless a good movie. I found it too close to heart to be comfortable with. and so too do Jon. You know months back i wrote something bout the so called myth of uniquity, bout how our lives cease to be unique at some point, bout how sometimes you see a movie or hear a song that you say 'damn, that's my story' and that suddenly you see all around you that everyone's having the same feeling? This is one of those movie. especially to me and perhaps Jon. You know how sometimes this kinda stuff evoke memories, and perhaps feelings long gone? feelings of frustration and anger, of denial and angst. And when you hope the protagonist does the thing you always wanted to do, perhaps at that moment where the lives collide, that guy in the movie just does what you actually did, like walk away and say, 'Hey, all the best, i wish you well' or something like that instead of pushing her off the cliff or taking out a pistol and say 'hasta la vista, baby' or something. Or perhaps slapping the girl or something when told of the news instead of going to a bed to languish for days.

That's why i like south park. That's why i like traditional alpha-male action movies like the old james bonds and taken and stuff like that. That guy in there is just so unlike us. We know we can never be him, and we don't want to. But sometimes we just want that escape. that moment of madness to be shown on a big screen with good sound system.

But yes. In case anyone's wondering, i'm fine. Just thought that the above was something i held to myself for too long now and that now that it does not play any significant role anywhere, like world war I espionage reports or something, perhaps it can finally be written.

but nonetheless, a toast to all the Toms in the world to find Autumn.

and Jon, your toast will come tomorrow. my place.

Saturday 17 October 2009

alright. am temporarily out of the jungles of Brunei. feeling utterly and totally slightly less than miserable.

can't wait to be back in sing chilling around at home. away from the monsters of the forest.

Monday 12 October 2009

well. Its hours to the 'holiday', so just though that it was customary for me to at least write something here.

It has certainly been great, staying at home, doing a little more than nothing. read a book for the first time since forever. and actually sat in front of the television for an hour. more of these days will come when i return from brunei.

Seems wierd that i am hours away from brunei but yet it don't feel anything as though i am going overseas for an extended period of time. Maybe i have grown used to this lifestyle. Maybe i have adapted to the organisation. Well of course i did. As Randall pointed out. There are skills that is necessary in the organisation that are inapplicable or not recommended for outside life. Things like faking an injury or sickness, widely frowned on by the society outside, carries with it a certain amount of prestige and greatness in the organisation when practiced in moderate amounts against higher ups who basically, deserved it. Things like lying to avoid work, harmful for oneself and ones chances of promotion outside, seem to be an indispensable skill that everyone must have in the organisation.

Need to lose those 'skills' bit by bit now.

bloody organisation.

Saturday 10 October 2009

just went out for dinner and l4d with my great zombie-slaying friends, Zhou "i-don't-care-who-gets-hurt-as-long-as-the-zombie-dies" Qixiang, Reuben "Sacrificial rambo" James and Joel "noob" ko. haha. Next time. we'll complete that mission.

Anyway. as i was going to dinner just now. I came across this group of ppl for the umpteenth time at the MRT station. "Hi, sorry to bother you, do you have a few minutes to spare", they will say, as though they are programmed to do so. And then proceed on to say how they are recently released convicts and want a second chance. and asks me for $2. Look. These guys aren't a charity, or a non-profit organisation or anything. The money i would have given them would have went into their pockets as they continued to 'look' for work. What i don't understand is that if they could spend hours hanging around MRT stations asking for 2 bucks, why can't they go interview for some job? Mcdonalds down the road is hiring. So is KFC, or burger King. or plenty of other places. Sure its low paying and at best a temporary job, but is it not good enough for these of high and noble, second-chance deserving ex-convicts. Sometimes i wonder how these ex-convicts really want to change, after all, i do believe we are not such a close-minded society like the one in 1800 France potrayed in les miserables. So please, for goodness sake, get a job, forget about the past, and move on. How can we 'unlock the second prison' if you want to stay behind it yourself?

Friday 9 October 2009

bored

How awesome is it to have 2 weeks of 3 days off. Just sitting around looking at clouds floating by, enjoying music and movies and games. Playing guitar and singing songs to myself. Trying to plan trips and giving up just to hunt monsters, and subsequently giving that up too after failing a few times. Its been long since i felt this relaxed.

Going to brunei after this weekend for a 'holiday' or so the organisation tells us. With mosquitoes the size of my thumb and vegetation as dense as mercury, its hard to see why i would not have a fantastic time there. But oh wells. Its one last thing before i bid farewell to the organisation.

Things have been changing round my workplace. With new people assuming leadership roles. I dunno if its inertia or something, but the new just do not seem to match the old. What's with the new ideas and methods and workflow? The current situation is there because of a reason. Because it gets work done. This is not your company for goodness sake. And i don't get paid $3000 a mth. So, No, I am not going to put in $3000 worth of work.

Luckily i am leaving.

I'm so bored.
So. So. Bored.
So. So. So. So. Bored.

Saturday 26 September 2009

september's end

As i wake to september's end. I suddenly realised how little days of nights i have left. Just a few more hours of the organisation till i am done with my 'duties' for life. No more forced servitude. No more will i have names other than my own forced onto me.

Was eating with the guys yesterday at simpang. Where they tried once again to convince me that the organisation has done me no injustice. So they tried. Since i had more time than i should here today at my home away from home. I was thinking a little about what they said and yeah. what a certain someone from some feedback unit who called said.

Ok. before i get carried away. Stop. Not gonna jeopardise what's a few work days away.


Whenever I look back
On the best days of my life
I think I saw them all on T.V.
I am so homesick now for
Someone that I never knew
I am so homesick now for
Someplace I will never be

Time won't let me go
Time won't let me go
If I could do it all again
I'd go back and change everything
But time won't let me go

But they must.

OR_ LOH!
Just D__s remain..
can't wait.

P.s. You know i am seriously very bored, when i come out with a nonsense post like this.

Monday 21 September 2009

To say nothing happened this few days will be an outright lie. But like a man nearing the end of his life, such petty misunderstandings and arguments suddenly just seem so trivial and unworthy of comment. But of course, i still can't cos i have to at least care about how others would view me. even after i go.

As things draw to a close. You begin to look back and reflect on what was good, what was useful, and what was neither. Have i done a service? I would have say yes. Have i did my best? Most definitely, not. Will i miss that place? Hell, no. Maybe some of the people and some of the times. But hell, i would one hell like to be out smelling the sweet scent of freedom.

Money problems is still giving me hell. not the on the micro-economic equivalent side of my finance but more on a macro-economic scale. Uni is gonna cost a bomb. And the worst thing is i can't have a say in it. Its one of those choices where Lord Vetinari would have put through. "Either accept my offer, or just walk through that door." and just outside the door is a steep drop thousand feet down. An impossible choice, but a choice nonetheless.

Damn.

Booking in for another long long week.

Wednesday 16 September 2009

patchwork of randomness.

Its been a week or so since i was here. Days are getting better, shorter and much more enjoyable with the new management. whatever people says about the old guard, the new is better. definitely. Started exercising since the longest of time. And then found this article on the strait times saying that how much motivation and enthusiasm one has towards exercise maybe genetic. So yeah. BLAME the genes! haha. its not my fault for not exercising! haha.

Met up with dyb guys after quite a long time. A few of them at least. Sang a few songs, some of which reminded me of some days long past. Days that quite honestly i forgotten. But you know how such things sometimes crawl back, just a little perhaps, maybe on an unusually long bus ride, or during a flash of history replayed. But yeah. I'm gonna find, another you..

It's really over, you made your stand
You got me crying, as was your plan
But when my loneliness is through, i'm gonna find another you

You take your sweaters
You take your time
You might have your reasons but you will never have my rhyme
I'm gonna sing my way away from blue
I'm gonna find another you

When i was your lover
No one else would do
If i'm forced to find another i hope she looks like you
Yeah and she's nicer too, yeah

So go on baby
Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Oh, now i'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new
I'm gonna do some things you wouldn't let me do
Oh i'm gonna find another you

which is a darn awesome song


hopefully a friend will feel that way too.

Inspired by John Mayer. awesome stuff.

Can't survive much longer without money. which is why a reshuffling of plans is needed. I can't survive on instant noodles on wkends. Not over my dead body I'm not eating instant noodles during the wkends. Its just wrong, to eat such horrible tasting and low nutrition food after a week of suffering in camp.

Why can't i just strike the lottery.

Puff the magic dragon is in the medical center. and my friend is chasing it. wth. lol.

what a patchwork of randomness.
till next time then/

Tuesday 8 September 2009

Of practical stuff.

Say you had a disease. A deadly one. Something that would kill you in perhaps 3 months. But a cure is available. How much are you willing to pay? ten thousand? a million? Or what if it was someone else who have that disease. A friend or a close kin. How much then are you willing to pay? Do there come a point where that life is considered less worthy than the amount paid?

Just felt this article highly disturbing.

I always know such stuff existed. For 'practical' reasons we have to put costs on lives. So Warren Buffet or Cristiano Ronaldo are probably worth more than this 'unworthy' life of mine. And i could be sure to be saved after they are, say in the improbable chance that we meet in a traffic accident. The root of all these problems to me isn't the valuation of life, or the rationing of healthcare. But pragmatism, practicallity. The determination of values and costs against the practical gains or losses.

And the best thing about pragmatism is that you couldn't argue against it in a practical or logical way. For it pure logic itself. I couldn't say that "Hey, I'm worth just as much as them!" for they would show me the figures and numbers and charts and graphs showing that i am a million time less worthy than them. What about my worth to my friends and family, you say? They say "Sorry, but they are just as inconsequencial as you are". And you ask, "Who then, determines all this figures". And they'll tell you, "You did".

Its like the so-called value of 'loyalty'. How could any country, association, or business expect that now that the principles of business are founded on pragmatism. Could one be loyal to a company, when all they tell you is to strive for larger profits, for the company? Will one not strive for larger earnings for oneself? How could a C****** ask for loyalty, when schools teach pragmatism from young. Meritocracy you say. Meritocracy works both ways, it means that an organisation is able to choose from the best of its applicants. And a applicant is able to choose from his offers. So if a ship is sinking, pragmatism means one should abandon ship and hop on to the next one, even if its not the same ship anymore.

Ethics, Values, Loyalty, sense of belonging. All these arises from ideals, not pragmatism. Can i call a place home, if i do not see it as more than a lodging like any other. Can i have respect for any other, if i do not believe that they are more than worthy for it. Can i stick to an organisation in hard times, if i only see it as a place i work in?

I'm an idealist. But i could be practical if i need to, and ruthlessly so. But for now, i choose not to be.

Dreaming on.
I'm an hour and a half away from operation ninja warrior, where i would have to clear walls ten stories high and leap off from a height of 21m above ground.

woke up early after listening to the wrong alarm. broke fast even though i'm not fasting.

good night.

Thursday 3 September 2009

D minus 98 days.

D minus 98 days.

Preparations for D-day has finally begun, though every cell of my body has been ready for months. Sorted out the days where i will not be around the organisation. In fact, half of October and the whole of November will be spent outside the long arm and far reaches of the organisation.

But this month is a whole different game. Being away at a crucial time of change means that i am forced to accept what is normally unacceptable. Hopefully I'll be able to toss the balls around and deflect a few arrows.

You know the organisation works time in a opposite way from school. When in school last time, the closer you are to say, the exams, the faster time seems to pass, while here in the organisation, the closer you are to your end, the longer time seems to be.

And last but not least, a little something for fellow ORD sufferers. =) (I didn't write it up, found it somewhere in the medical center and subsequently nicked it off the web)


Medical-In-Confidence

OBSESSIVE RETARDATION DISEASE (ORD)
Obsessive Retardation Disease (ORD) is a mental disorder officially recognised by the Regimental Organisation of Doctors (ROD), a paramilitary medical organisation affiliated with the Singapore Armed Forces Medical Corps. First identified in 1967 by the pioneer batch of SAF Medical Officers nearing the end of their military draft, it has since been studied extensively and categorised, despite early controversy over its classification, as a legitimate mental disease.

Contents
  1. Origin
  2. Symptoms of Obsessive Retardation Disease (ORD)
  3. Occurrence
  4. Diagnosis
  5. Treatment
  6. Preventive Measures
  7. Conclusion

Origin

ORD was first identified and named by CPT (Dr) Orded Loh in 1967. It was christened as such because it was characterised by psychologists specialising in neuroses as a obsessive compulsive disorder which fixates its victim's attention on something in particular, and in so doing degrades the cognitive abilities of its victim ie. retards his mind. CPT (Dr) Loh, who himself succumbed to the disease, was the first to observe that the disease mainly occurred among NSFs, even among those who had no family or personal history of mental illness.

Symptoms of Obsessive Retardation Disease (ORD)


Individuals afflicted by ORD exhibit a variety of symptoms, which upon first sight appear mutually contradictory. Apparent injuries formerly sustained by the afflicted victim, notably those inhibiting vigorous physical activity necessary for rigorous training as a soldier, diminishes at an accelerated rate, usually without accompanying treatment of any form. The phenomenal rate of recuperation ensures that the ORD-stricken serviceman fully recovers by the time he leaves the army. Though less common, but ubiquitous is the observation that some formerly medically unfit servicemen, those assigned PES C or E, recover fast enough to be upgraded back to PES B.

At the same time, perhaps somewhat ironically, the same individuals afflicted with the mental illness have been observed to fall ill more often to common minor illnesses, such as Influenza, diarrhoea (perhaps the most common), fever, sore throats etc. , resulting in an observed increment of medical sick leave (MCs) taken by the ORD personnel. Periods of such medical leave are known to occur in conjunction with outstanding leave or days off. Subjects afflicted with ORD also experiences reduced inhibitions; these individuals are often observed by their normal peers to appear relaxed and generally happier at all times.

General incompetence accompanies their reduced inhibitions; errors identified in the course of duty or work by fellow co-workers or peers are often left uncorrected by the victim even if their existence was acknowledged. The discrepancies in question are often shrugged off by the ORD-afflicted author. ORD also appears to reduce the attention span and concentration intensity of its victims with regards to their everyday work. Perhaps the most bizarrely, patients suffering from ORD have been known to at times, orally exclaim the very name of the disease, followed by a "Loh!" or alternatively "Oh!".

Occurrences

ORD has been observed to affect mostly Full-time National Servicemen (NSFs) though NSFs with an overzealous attitude in military service appear to be particularly resistant to the mental disorder, though most would eventually succumb to the disease. With few exceptions, regular servicemen appear to suffer from it only rarely, though the disease tends to affect regular servicemen nearing the end of their military contract, largely those emplaced on short term schemes. The disorder has also been observed to be mysteriously absent in NSFs pending absorption into regular service.
Diagnosis

As with most mental aberrations ORD is difficult to diagnose definitively because no physical symptoms manifest themselves in its victim. Prognosis of ORD consists of usually no more than verifying the date of official discharge of the NSF concerned as less than three months away, though early warning symptoms may present themselves earlier than expected. A serviceman may be diagnosed with ORD when he has been observed to have at most less than three months of service balance and exhibits most or all of the above symptoms.

Treatment

At present, no lasting form of treatment exists for victims of ORD. Drugs commonly prescribed for other obsessive-compulsive disorders appear to have little discernible effect on ORD. More paradoxically, befitting its status as a mental anomaly, victims of ORD are usually content to remain in their current state and often refuse attempted treatment of any form. This observation concurs with its identified categorisation as an obsessive-compulsive disorder, with the exception that its presence is usually cheerfully acknowledged by the sufferer.

Effective short-term treatment include prolonging the date of their official discharge, forfeiture of leave balance and days off, as well as assignment of extra weekend duties, all of which appears to dampen the ecstasy experienced by ORD sufferers.

Preventive Measures

At present, no effective preventive measures exist to circumvent the inevitable onset of ORD for NSFs nearing the end of their service, though it has been observed that threatening the ORD sufferer with the treatment as outlined above depreciates the inception of the disorder.

As with treatment, would-be sufferers of ORD often refuse to take any form of preventive measure against ORD, and more often than not, in fact, eagerly await the onset of ORD.

Conclusion

Despite various extensive studies ever since its discovery, ORD remains an enigma to most SAF psychologists seeking to understand the disease better. The above exposition should serve to aid superiors in better understanding and elucidating the omnipresent mental disorder which would eventually befall their subordinates.

Medical-In-Confidence



ORD LOH!

Friday 28 August 2009

of three times of stars

There's something to be said about revisiting the past. Be it visiting your archives or the archives of others. Or looking up into the skies again, at day and at night.

Just read my archives for a significant portion of last year as this year draws to a close as i look for an explaination for the events that happened this year. And i can't say that i have found anything of significance. But reading old stuff i write do make me chuckle to myself and yeah. see how different things are and be happy that they are.

I have posted about stars twice. for two seperate times where i sleep on the grasses of new zealand at night, staring up at the infinite cosmos, admiring their beauty in numbers. I remember the first time i saw the stars, I was overwhelmed by its magnificence, of its scale, and i thought about my place in that vast universe. And i didn't thought much. For i was young and at that time, missing my home. And then years past before i saw those stars a second time, for Singapore has created for itself a galaxy of lights, that are pretty to look at, yet unnatural and lacking the random positionings of the stars, and the lights obscured the faint glow of the heavens. But yeah, i was back in NZ, this time in green, with perhaps people whom , like me, are too concerned with the passing of days and life on earths to look up into the skies. But i did, and in the stars i saw our destinies, and how our destinies must be plotted out by the heavens. I tried to map out orion and sagittarius, to identify aries and scorpio, to no avail and i thought to myself. There must be someone who can read this. and we should.

And then i went to thailand. The darkness of the night sky there means i was able to once again. look up into the stars. And then realisation hit me. I took a step back and raised my head once more and saw that of course our lives are plotted in the heavens, but who are we to read them? and should we? do we need to? And i understood our place. For if someone, somehow have managed to place us right in the middle so we could look up and observe the beauty of the night sky. Surely we are of note. And surely, we have meaning.

I finally realised why i hadn't been able to come out with a post for so long. I've been looking to close to earth for inspiration.

When all i need to is to raise my head.

and that be the answer in the wind

Wednesday 26 August 2009

blowing in the wind.

Well well. I'm finally back from the land of smiles. tired, tanned and glad that its finally over.

Thailand, has a warm smile. real warm. 36 celcius warm smile. And there i was complaining how terrible the singaporean heat was. But now, the singaporean climate feels like some artic tundra for me. Its a wonder how anything survive under the temperature of thailand. And still grow to humungous sizes. I saw, for the first time in my life, insects the size of my hand, insects i thought only existed in dreams and picture books, things drawn out by some artist. But yeah, thailand has them all, praying mantises, scorpions, centimetres long milli-pedes. and centipedes that are just as long. Its a zoologists' heaven over there man.

and a gastronomes. I believe that the chefs of thailand are able to cook anything you present to them and able to name to them. Food there's awesome. and cheap. and random. Ordered different funky combinations of fried rice and side dishes and wanton noodles everyday from the canteen and somehow it all tastes good.

And the stars were awesome. maybe not as good as those in new zealand, but nonetheless impressive. and captivating.

and speeding down the road on the back of a truck moving at speeds it is not supposed to is fantastically fun. With the wind in your face and mp3 blasting in your ears and great scenery around you. the feeling is great. Its like having free botox or something. haha. tightens your skin.

and its this wind, and those stars, and the clouds that reminded me of a song.

It asked, how many times must a man lift his head. before he can see the sky.

I believe i found the answer. to that and a dozen more questions in that song.

Was thinking about writing a post today about that and in fact i have already written one in the pages of my notebook. but decided against it after wrting down the whole thing. For after all, we all know the answer of the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is 42.

but what's the question?

The answer my friend.
Is blowing in the wind.

=)

till next time.

Saturday 15 August 2009

flying crescendo.

Leaving on a jetplane. haha. Ok. I'm not flying off forever yet. but am going for a mission as part of the recce team to find out what monsters lay in the land before the main hunters arrive. This means i will have to dodge dragons and outrun kirins while outsmarting huge primates in a land so foreign and barren and harsh that we are the first people to enter the land in a decade and consequently means that i may be unvailable to reply or comment in the meantime. Wish me luck and hopefully i'll be able to return in one piece.

Nah. Just joking. the only hunting i'll do is on my psp.

And when i'm back. its time to go to sleep, and ask someone to, Wake me up when september ends. haha.

ITS GONNA BE FAST FROM NOW ON!!!!!!

Can hardly wait.

Friday 14 August 2009

The third

Well. the third is here.

In day 2 of my pre-flight off currently. lazing around at home.

Was woken up today by a UNSW interview that i totally forgot about since i have decided i was going to monash anyway. Had an impromptu interview which i think i pretty much screwed but who cares? haha.

money is seriously threatening my ability to survive now.

will have more soon.

Monday 10 August 2009

I never expected it to come to such an end.

I thought it would have went out slowly, but valiantly just like good old morpheus. To take it away from me like this is just too. cruel. Feel as though i've lost a child to kidnappers or something. A part of me, forcifully torn away. True, it had never reached the bonds i had with morpheus. Its name never really stuck. But who could forget my hunting expeditions with it, the elder dragons, the wyverns will killed. Together we have reached a higher level than morpheus and i ever had.

But unlike when i lost morpheus, my thoughts this time rest more on how i'm going to survive without it, instead of grieving over it like last time. After all, i only have 4 months left till the terms of the curse is fulfilled and i am a free man once more. And will i still need it then. something in me tells me yes, yet other parts tell me no.

and there's still the 10 day thailand trip where i am definitely dead meat without a psp in my hands.

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared.
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face.

I just made love with your sweet memory,
One thousand times in my head.
You said you loved it more than ever,
You said.

The world has turned and left me here- Weezer

Wednesday 5 August 2009

Tell me when is west ham going to sign a striker.
Tell me when is west ham going to sign a striker.

Tuesday 4 August 2009

The dragon hunters.

I dream of all our days to come
I drag in shapes in lines to burn
And wonder how we end this game

As on and on from stone to stone
The monsters come and go
And every one the step we follow back again

Oh they can run
They can hide
But we will hunt
And we will find them
They can crawl
And then they die
Until our work is done

Yeah they can run
They can hide
But we will hunt
And we will find them
They can crawl
And they will die
That's why it's so much fun!

Yeah!

We only want a song to sing
A story told for us to live
And side by side we fight the beast

Floating words and floating world
We only wish this time we had was all
And spinning round we'll be

Yeah they can run
They can hide
But we will hunt
And we will find them
They can crawl
And then they die
Until our work is done

Sure they can run
They can hide
But we will hunt
And we will find them
They can crawl
And they will die
That's why it's so much fun!

Someday
We'll find ourselves in love
A wonderful day
Together on our own
Yes someday
The legends turn to stone
A wonderful day
Just on and on
We make it home

Still wait for all our days to be
I drag in shapes in memory
No wonder if we end the same

Around around around around it goes
The monster's been and gone
And every one the step we follow back again

Yeah always run
Always hide
And always hunt
And always find
But everyone
This week we'll fight
That's why it's won...

Yeah...

Well. Its not exatly a dragon. More like a rodent. a rat. But it certainly was fun hunting it, capturing it, then releasing it into the wilderness of the SOC ground.

Superphuntime.

Thursday 30 July 2009

Ask me who,
And it's not me who answers,
but a thousand men in arms,
brandishing pitchforks and farmer's steel.
Asking for wages we so deserved.

Ask me when,
And tell me it isn't just now,
Tell me it has always been,
Lazing in fields leaving crops untended.
Ask yourself when has it changed.

Tell me what,
And what have i done,
What have you done to deserve,
all the incentives in the world.
And ask yourself, what we did wrong.

Show me where,
Where have i done wrong,
Where have i done less,
lesser than you or you more than me.
Show me, I've really done less.

And show me how,
just once again, how you 'begged'
me to do work,
for i saw none of begging, only commanding,
and how am i supposed to comply.

Bloody arseholes.

Monday 27 July 2009

When you're out of money. The harsh concrete jungle suddenly seems so hard to survive in. Food suddenly seem more scarce than the barren plains of siberia and water rarer than in the deserts of the sahara.

And so we go around peoples houses. and play music. cool shit.

Tuesday 21 July 2009

Issues with Ideals

I always thought money wasn't an issue. Not to me at least. Give me a fiver, and i'll live with it for a day. Not any more. It seem that reality, have slowly but surely caught up on me, the dreamer. Forcing practicallity and pragmatism on to me. So what if i could get into Cambridge, or Oxford, or John Hopkins, costs issues would prevent me from going there. Even Monash now, with an estimated costs of a staggering $432,000, seem hard on me and my family.

Its kinda ironic. Studying medicine is killing me and my family before i even start.

I've tried to live as idealistically as i could. Ignoring pragmatism and practicallity as they knock on my door with a battering ram.'If enough of us dream, if a bare thousand of us dream, we can change the world. We can dream it anew!'. This quote still lies on the top right corner on my blog, outlining its importance to my life. Yet now even i doubt its correctness. How could we dream, when corporate giants raise prices again and again. Want to draw? Brushes costs are increasing, so is the prices of the canvas, and the prices of the paint. And that is still discounting the fees teachers now demand. Want to make music? Look at the costs of guitars, and the costs of lessons, and the number of people who fall by the wayside in their chasing of superstardom. Want to save the planet? Please mail in your advertisement fees to those media conglomerates. Along with the cheque for your new recycling plant. And we're sorry we have to charge you slightly higher, Tokyo protocol have costs us more than you think it had. Writing a book? I'll offer you a tenner for that book, and and its publishing rights. Thinking of studying medicine? make sure you have half a million in that bank account of yours. And that's not counting micellaneous fees.

I can try to deny all i want. Money is and will forever be important. Ask the boy in Africa to dream, he'll tell you he just want food, and a little money for food for his sister. And the list goes on...

I hate money. But i need cash.

Hell with capitalism.. haha. joking. i don't want to live in North Korea. haha.

Saturday 18 July 2009

July July!

there is a road that meets the road
that goes to my house
and how it green grows there
and we've got special boots
to beat the path to my house
and it's careful and it's careful when i'm there

and i say your uncle was a crooked french canadian
and he was gut-shot, runnin gin
and how his guts were all suspended in his fingers
and how he held 'em
how he held 'em, held 'em in

and the water rolls down the drain
the water rolls down the drain
o what a lonely thing! in a lonely drain!

july, july, july! never seemed so strange

this is the story of the road that goes to my house
and what ghosts there do remain
and all the troughs that run the length and breadth of my house
and the chickens how they rattle chicken chains

and we'll remember this when we are old and ancient
though the specifics might be vague
and i'll say your camisole was a sprightly light magenta
when in fact it was a nappy blueish grey

and the water rolls down the drain
the blood rolls down the drain
oh what a lonely thing
in a blood red drain

july, july, july! it never seemed so strange

July! July! -Decemberists.

Just thought that song was appropriate in the middle of this strange july. where everything seems to be going un-smoothly.

Things in the organisation is getting from bad to worse. Higher echelon members, in an effort to boost their standings and so on, have implementing certain rulings, and activities that i find highly unmotivating and unsettling. Please, can i look for a new club?

Just btw. Harry Potter and the half blood prince has to be the lousiest movie yet this year. utterly dissapointed.

You know how it is that when you're on the bus or something and all the thoughts flood into your mind and you say that. "yes, i'm going to put that in my blog later". And when you actually go into writing, you forget what you wanted to write in the first place?

Anyway. Have to start saving money for Operation Freestyle acroos Taiwan and/or Korea. That means the tigers have gotta wait.

haha. and if there's anything more, i seriously cannot remember.

so. Till next time.

Expelliarmus. Ridicullus. Alakazam!

Saturday 11 July 2009

on duty

I would have like to say i am currently on guard on a snow topped mountain, guarding the nation against dragons, aliens and flying men. But i am not. truth is. I am sitting here doing nothing and just waiting for nothing to happen.

But that's not the point.

Just got offers from Monash and UNSW. before even stepping on to Australia. I am already feeling welcomed by them, it is as though they have real sincerity in wanting you in their university or country. Now. Monash or Queensland?

anyway. had a great friday yesterday. did nothing awesomely fun or anything. but it at least casted my worries on the 'organisation' back by a good few hours. And yeah. Thanks for the pretzels, awesome.

back to once upon a time in china II.

Monday 6 July 2009

Just got hit by a one-two punch of phonecalls. As always.

and it doesn't help to think that yes. It's only about 150 more absolute days to go.

damnit.

If a man couldn't

If a man couldn't swim.
why put him in the water?

Thursday 2 July 2009

Its been another long absence from here. Alright. Not so long by recent standards. But i guess its the usual middle of the year syndrome again. Where the heat, the flu ( more than the usual seasonal flu) and the absence of football make inspiration scarce and thus posts rare.

Just got notified that i will be going to Thailand amidst all this swine flu thing from 16-26th August with the organisation. Can't wait to go. Would much rather work overseas for a month than here for a week. Due to of course, certain people again. Its not as though he is always wrong. Its just that our rights are always pointing to different directions.

And apparently, mysterious crop circles are made by Stoned wallabies. Lol. So if the universe tastes of raspberry and rum, and mysterious crop circles are formed as mentioned, does that mean that these wallabies may be part of an alien race, which missed their hyperspace jump while drunk on a distant planet and fell on to earth. Where they found out about opium and decided to stay. Drawing crop circles and mutilating cow just to ease the boredom.

Alright. back to monster hunting.

More when there actually is more.

Wkend starts tomorrow!

Saturday 27 June 2009

Playist x.13

Just a short twitterish update to show i have actually been doing something in the morning.

Playist x.13 is up with minor changes to songs and arrangement of the songs.

yeah.

later.

Friday 26 June 2009

What a day yesterday was.

It was so long since i had a day with so many ups and downs, twists and turns.

It would be too unkind and insensitive of me to say too much here so all i'm gonna say is yeah. You take your time to get over it and if you ever need something or anything i can do for you. I am a phone call away.

Anyway. Had my Monash interview yesterday as well and at least it went better than the NUS one. I feel. I mean, you can never be real sure about this kinda stuff, can you? But i'm glad all my experiences as a tution teacher and a medic came into good use. Hope i get an offer.

Dang man. This life is too short to be wasting it. Need to take down a death star or something soon.

You speak about fairness,
You argue for principles,
But ask yourself,
Are you fair?
We reap what we sow.

Just feeling a little bitter after booking out at only 7.30 today

Hope this weekend's good.

and yeah. One more thing

R.I.P Michael, and yeah, you whom i know not personally.

And till next time.

Saturday 20 June 2009

fear of flying

In camp doing duty right now. And in my boredom set up a twitter account to er.. tell the world what i am doing.

Just ran for the first time in about half a year last thursday and my whole body is still suffering from the after effects of trying to be fit. Com'on. Anything that makes your body hurt this way after doing it, couldn't be anything good at all.

Anyway. The euphoria of getting into medicine have sort of died down and I am now faced with the more serious consequences and choices of going overseas and studying medicine. For one, i never expected myself to be leaving home so soon. Thinking about it, this may be my very last year staying with my parents. For after 5/6 years of university education, I can't see how I can move back into my room and pretend i'm still a child. And what happens yet to my friends? After so many false alarms, this may perhaps be the time of which the party finally ends. And there's still yet so much to do. Our Project 'Island in the sun' is yet completed. and yeah. Feb is a bit too early.

We always dream of flying, yet we always fear heights. The loneliness of altitude. The distance to earth. The vastness of the sky and the directionless winds. But we still fly. SHAZAM.

Don't ask me what the SHAZAM is for. I just thought it looked good there.

Till next time.

Wednesday 17 June 2009

I don't need no doctor.

Yeah. I don't need no doctor.
Cos I'm gonna be one hell of a doctor myself!!!

Funny how the day turns and goes. First i won a mini poker tournament. and then i got screwed for being a medic, making my day terrible. And then just when i was about to blog about how bad this day was turning out to be. I got the letter. Congratulating me on my 'succesful application to The University of Queensland'. Awesome stuff.

Now. Dr. Wong doesn't sound too bad does it?

Fantastic.

Tuesday 16 June 2009

Have you ever wondered?
Why must we serve?

Monday 15 June 2009

Untitled from email

ok. I hope this work.
Tried to blog the normal way but the stupid system says that the blogger page is being blocked due to 'adult content'. Normally, i would have put this off for another day.But its been quite a few of those 'another days' now and i feel that today is the day to write something.


It has been a busy two weeks, first with evaluation, and then a trip to penang and finally booking in again and being here sending an email to my blog. Firstly, i am pleased to be relieved of forests and lying around in the mud/soil/earth/undergrowth, looking at a million species of ants, beetles, multiple-legged-creatures and decaying matter. Put those aside, file them under 'archives' and never touch them again.


Penang, no matter how many times i visit there, will forever stay the same. Its one of those places on earth that does not reflect time. A person mysteriously teleported from the Raffles era will find Penang the same as he left it, with minor differences and slightly taller buildings performing the same function at the same place. Take for example the awesome chendol store. It is still in the same Lorong, next to the same coffee shop, selling the same awesome chendol ( the only one I eat in the world). The only difference with the stall half a century ago was that instead of a bicycle, he now uses a motorcycle to move the stall around. And everything in Penang seem to be 'est. 1854' or 'founded 1830' anything that's founded in the last century is considered new. A century old street is a new street. Or closer to me, my grandparents place have not changed but abit since i was young. They have added a kitchen, removed the mango trees (god knows when they were planted), added aircons, added fans in that order. The paint is 50years old at least. and so is the swing, and the awesome culinary skills of my grandma.


How i wish i could be there for the next 6 mths, see the time fly by. and regain my freedom.

Anyway. don't watch Blood, it is the worst show ever, beats catwoman hands down as the crappiest show yet. Utterly 'B' grade. or even worst.


Can't wait for the wkend.

Tuesday 9 June 2009

once in our lives.
two years of our time...

Saturday 6 June 2009

Watched Terminator: Salvation over the wkend and it wasn't the best show this year but it was far from the worst. one of the better action movies i've seen this year.

A certain 'evaluation' programme have made my life basically revolving around the organisation for this few wks. but another certain 'deployment' will leave me free for the months to come.

And that is about all i can write about my current situation for as you all well know, i am not supposed to write anything.

anyway. can't wait till all this is over.. then maybe my brain can be active again. I'm starting to believe in the theory that wearing green makes a person stupid due to some unknown quantum mechanic that green causes our nervous system.

West Ham changed owners. Hopefully this time its finally stability for a club known for everything but that. ZOLA'S CLARET AND BLUE ARMY!!

Wednesday 3 June 2009

Training to be soldiers.
Fight for our land..

Tuesday 2 June 2009

Time travelling.

Well. today is one special day. I time-travelled. Today felt like a day during JC. A day during the hols where i went to school to meet teacher(s), walk around town purposefully aimlessly. and go study at the library. well not me, i just sat there and commented on bio diagrams and read comics while another studied. but nonetheless it was awesome, to be 'mugging' again. haha. i can sense your disagreement here. but i'd trade my time in the army for mugging anytime. any. time.

had the cheapest lunch outside i had for awhile. and gelare.. haha. after all its one of those rare tuesdays that i am actually free.

and everyone should check out the children session. the titles they stock for children are amusing to say the least and some even disturbing. you get books like 'the cool cat and hot dog' and 'Pete the Pizza' which is about this boy, Pete, being made into a pizza. yes. disturbing.

But all in all it was a great day.

and thanks for the company.

I'm here.

till next time.

Saturday 30 May 2009

Well. had a great time with the class of old.

And Wong 2.0 is officially up and running

Thursday 28 May 2009

Don't we all hate the organisation? which is perhaps anything but organised?

I mean, we put in effort to try and put together something that they said is our 'right', our 'entitlement' and then put in a thousand things that are asterisked, double asterisked and triple asterisked and attached to the bottom of the page saying 'terms and conditions apply.'

Damn the organisation.

Monday 25 May 2009

Well. West Ham United has managed to wrap up their season with a 2-1 win over relegated Middlesbrough. with Scott Parker named Hammer of the Year. And it certainly have been a turbulent and exciting season for us, with the initial financial worries and the whole 'Tevezgate' saga. Coupled with the sacking of Curbishley and the hiring of then unproven 'Franco Zola.

Not going to write too much about west ham yet, not when my head is half asleep, half sick and half bored.

Anyway. managed to catch Star Trek and Angel's and Demons over the wkend. Trek was awesome, and A&D was average at best. So, 'Live Long and Prosper'.

Till next time.

Thursday 21 May 2009

mosquito boy

Tomorrow, once again, mosquitoes will be my best friend, or at least i will be their best friend. I will be food in abundance, i will be a showering of blessings, a shining light in the darkness of simpang. I would be the vengeful god, taking a few sacrifices of lives from them as i give them life and continuity.

Perhaps somewhere in their even vast-er universe (for distance as we know, is relative to size, a single metre to us may seem like a 48km marathon to an ant for all we know), they have a shrine dedicated to worshipping the deities-in-green-who-come-in-a-gust-of-grey-smoke-in-burning-hot-green-vehicles or the green-quadropods-who-takes-a-life-and-gives-a-million.

But i don't feel godly at all. Instead, i feel more like a character from Tim Burton's Melancholy death of oyster boy and other stories. Mosquito boy or something.

There was a boy, Joe,
Who was stung by a mosquito.
He didn't realise at that point,
that it'll change his life so.

His head shrank,
extra arms grew,
and his nose became
the barrel of a tank.
wings sprouted
and eyes compounded
and soon little Joe,
became a mosquito man.

At first he flew up, and
he flew down
and he landed,
on a patch of brown.
he lowered his head,
as his nose touched the ground,
and before he could hear
a single sound,


-SLAP-


Lol. just something i wrote up this lousy night in camp.

till nxt time

Tuesday 19 May 2009

mozzies from galaxies.

Its been quite a few weeks since i last typed so here am i again.

Well. Its been a bad few days, or weeks, for that matter, sitting below a explosion of flames of the forest. being scorched by the sun and stung by the unerring brigades of mosquito commandos.

Was reading this book of my officer about life and its existence in worlds beyond ours and was thinking. somewhere perhaps out there, is a giant planets of mosquitoes. And on that planet they have developed some warping technology to send their minions to a million different planets, so that they could get the nourishment they so desperately need. It makes sense you know. How else could you explain the amount of times the mosquitoes sting at us, and the amount of unaccounted blood they take from us, and their unexplained dissappearance every time you whip out the insect repellent, only to reappear once you keep it away.

There you are. A perfect explaination to a otherwise senseless creature designed to torture and destroy humankind.

Monday 11 May 2009

respect and mothers.

Well. With these words i've officially hit the 400 mark for my number of posts. But that doesn't come into the picture here. Cos its not what i want to talk about. Not that i know now of what i want to talk about.

West Ham lost 3-0 due to a referee who, to put it mildly, trusted the bigger brands of liverpool over west ham. But of course, we have to 'respect' his decision whatever it is.

Which leads me to this word- respect. Some say it have to be commanded, given, and others, say that its earned. Which reminds me of this poster my friend recently put up in the more discreet places of the med ctr, 'The r--k is what you wear, the respect is what you earn.' Which pretty much summarises what i think about respect. But yeah, have never been a fan of this particular 'caste' system. A different couple of lines and curves on my sleeves or my shoulders does not render me subservient to those of yet another pattern. Respect is earned. Not yelled and shouted for. Again i could not write without my masking my words so pardon the language. Yes, we have to have a structure for organisation. We need to sort the people out. And yes its the organisation, don't get me started at the organisation. But yes, I do not think that the way respect is commanded, for failure to do so may just cause more harm than wanted to the individual. And I've lost my point somewhere around that chunk of words. But yeah. Anyway.

Last sunday was mother's day, so let me wish happy mother's day to all mothers. Well, to me, mothers or at least mine, is pretty much like the sun. In Singapore. She'll nag and nag and nag at you like the afternoon heat of the scorching sun. Making you sweat and irritated and not at all happy. She scrutinize your every action like the ever present sun. And She'll know where you have been, with who, when, with covert skills that would put CIA to shame. And you can't block out the sun, just like you can't ever block out the messages, phone calls and shouts your mother would hurl in your way. But yeah, cliched yet truly, they really are always there when you need some rays of sunlight. And she'll provide you with breafast, lunch and dinner, the way the sun gives the sunrise and sunset everyday, if you are willing to just sit down and enjoy them. And like plants, we grow under them. but yet, unlike plants, we tend to grow away from our mothers as we grow, making as much space as we can between her and us. And that's when our mothers yield, and set, like the evening sun. But just when she dissapears into the darkness of the night, when we're all alone and darkened and sad and lonely. And when we miss her the most. You look up. And you see a yellow disc. giving a little light. A little reflection of the warmt and light a mother brings. A little hint, or perhaps hope, a promise, saying 'I'm here'. Telling us to last the darkest nights, brave the coldest storms, so that tomorrow, the sun will be there yet again.

Just a little short something for mothers all around. But yeah. I wouldn't like my mum to read it. haha. Just let it be er.. an unknown tribute to her and what she've done for me.

So. there.

Goodnight and.

Till next time.

Thursday 7 May 2009

Poker.

Well. Its another stay-up-late night, for reasons best not explained. Nothing too bad though.

Just waiting.
For a game.
For a flop, a river, a turn.
calling and folding,
and raising when i should,
or when i shouldn't have.

You know, the more i play poker, the more i find that our lives moves in significant parallels to the game, and more likely than not, I am not the first to make such a comparison. We get cards, 2 of them, some of us gets the Aces, some the dueces, and even worst off, some of us get the 2-7 off-suit. I would like to put myself somewhere along the lines of k-jaks. An average hand. But that probably do not come into the picture here. But yeah. Its one thing to get a good hand, its another to play it well. Some of us give it the huge bet at the start, only for what? to pick up the blinds, to gain small profits and small gains into the unlimited pot of the world. And some of us choose to play them slow, but ultimately, score a huge win over the rest. And some of us get poor hands. That's when we fold, and bide our time, and wait for a better hand. But for some like mine? We call the bets. However hard life's bets may be. call them and we'll take a look at the flop. And if its favourable. We do the All-in.

My mind, as you guys well know, is not functioning to the best of its capabilities for what must be a millon days now. So yeah. Even i don't really understand the blabber i just wrote.

So yeah.

Thks for reading anyway.

Till nxt time.

Its Poker time.

Monday 4 May 2009

How Deadpool got killed and the death of Oyster boy.

Okay. Contradicting to speculation, I am still very much alive in the biological sense of the word. Intellectually, not very much so. You see, constant usage of facebook to do quizzes and games that are, in a word, stupid, have left me very much braindead. This coupled with a lack of oxygen to the brains due to the need to don N95 masks due to the current doscon level, have left me short on stories and inspiration.

Movies that are overhyped but underperformed did not help either. bloody Wolverine murdered deadpool. Not in the show. but in the plot. I mean Deadpool has gotta be one of the coolest comic characters ever man, and they had to make him into a villian and sew up his mouth. And he didn't speak to the audience at all for the whole show!

And everyone should check Tim Burton's The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy by clicking on the link, the poems/stories are awesome and the artwork is magnificent. haha. If only i can draw and write like that. I love dark humor.

Anyway. This is all i can write about until i find further stories in my head. Its kinda in a mess now after all the work.

Till nxt time

Monday 27 April 2009

Mostly on football.

Well. I do not have any special inclination to blog. Just sorta doing it cos i'm bored now, and I'm bored of looking at dear old forzadiego.blogspot.com showing a post god knows how long ago. West ham lost over the wkend, to a team consisting of evil traitor, 'Fat' Frank Lump-of-lard. Who's definitely not even one of the best in the world, not to say the best. But anyway. Stoke's up next so hopefully we can reclaim the 7th spot.

Just played a little football. Strength and stamina no longer what they used to be, not that they were high in the first place. Feel slightly like Tristan.

This is getting boring. as it has been for days, weeks maybe.

I need excitement. like robbing a bank or falling in love. Something of that sort to kickstart the countdown towards freedom.

and apparently, the universe tastes like raspberries.

Thursday 23 April 2009

playlist x.

Just spent the better part of the whole night uploading and preparing songs for the playlist that could now be found on my sidebar. Well, its goodbye to nights in the medical centre without a good consolidated songlist that i could listen to as i go about reading soccernet and writing stuff here on this blog.

First Fatep training is over. It was better than those long past. but oh wells, its only the first of many. And tired i am...

tomorrow's battery retreat.

Shall write more when i have the inspiration. But for now, you guys can stay around to enjoy the awesome songs on the sidebar.

Goodnight.

Saturday 18 April 2009

Taken

Just watched Grand Theft Auto: The movie, or as the title on the poster says, Taken. which is a pretty awesome movie, filled with elements that made GTA such an awesome game, violence, babes, cars and adrenaline. Not in the bad way of course.*

Am currently in camp after a bout of confusion which suprisingly did not leave me as unhappy as i expected myself to be. Perhaps its the fact that i would have spent my night in front of the computer in a different place anyway, doing not too different things, reading not too different websites.

Anyway. To build on the memory thing a few posts ago..

Where did i grow up? you ask.

Well. It was just off Christchurch, beneath the stars and amongst the sheep and grass. And i used to run thousand of miles across unobstructed plains, chasing sheep and smelling flowers. It was great. But wait. No. It was not christchurch. It was in the hustle and bustle of New York, right amongst the jungle of buildings, amongst man walking so fast that they appear in a blur of grey and white and black and brown. Yes. That must be it. Hang on. It was the bushes of Zimbabwe, amongst the herds of the day and the beasts of the night. Among the trample of zebras, wildebeeast, elephants and giraffes, there with the roar of the lions and the laugh of the hyenas, the gaze of the vultures and the hiss of the snakes. There as the new member of my proud tribe. That must be it. Dang. No. I was a born a girl in greece, near the pantheon of old gods, christened in the churches of new. No. A proud only son of a chinese farmer. No. The unwanted child of a street walker. No. An average kid in an average neighbourhood in London. No...

What's my name?

Well. It writes Paul on my I.D., but i'm sure i was once John, once Theia, once Quinton, twice Alexander, and trice in languages i do not know now. But what does it matter. I'm 01-EN-03944, That's my time zone, my vocation and my personal number. Its unique. So why do i need something like a name. After all, there must be a thousand Pauls, and even more Johns in my timezone. The number is better. Oh-Three-Nine-Double-Four.

-Paul, 01-EN-03944.

Friday 17 April 2009

Updated.

Just edited the previous post slightly to add in a few details I have left out and you could check it out by just scrolling down. (shouldn't be too long, don't expect this post to be a long one)

Well. most of my sentiments now have been reshaped and redirected into the story so yeah. guess if you can. no prizes for saying its something to do with the organisation.

whole day at home today. doing nothing. bored.

Tuesday 14 April 2009

memories.

They said they found a way to extract the memory. Extract it, then can it, replicate it, mass-manufacture it, then sell it to a million different person.

Words of authors, unwritten, will no longer be lost. Paintings, by artists, will cease to be undrawn. Man could now feast upon the infinite knowledge of the luminaries of science, to build upon one another without any confusion. Man could now sell or simply discard those unwanted memories, bad breakups and terrible deaths, nightmares at midnight and bad bosses by midday. As long they are so much imprinted as lightly touched on in your minds, they could extract them.

Celebrities are now unforgettable, not when you own a piece of their memory, a fragment of their daily lives. TV and youtube are obsolete now, who needs dramas when you can watch them unfold, 'seconds after they happen', who needs sports shows when you could get them now 'live in your head', feeling the rush of blood through the athlete's brains as they leap run and swim at breakneck pace. Facebook and twitter could now be customised to reflect your real time thoughts. Animals need not be conserved, not 'so that our children could see their majesty', not when i could simply pass on the film in my camera to them. In fact, they could see every species they ever wanted to see, and perhaps slightly more. No longer do we need to fear of losing our culture and tradition. Who can, now that the gods are injected into our veins. And god could never die when they are remembered.

Security is now much better. We could wipe clean any dirty slate and write it anew. Terrorist today, pure hearted humanist the other. And its more humane, we don't need jails or the death sentence now, why punish, when you can rehabilitate to perfection. What of the victims you ask?
Why? They don't even remember it (with some help of course). No longer will there be political discourse, or fear of evil dictators, or 'unrepenting hordes of capitalists' advances, Everyone would inject and subscribe to the manifesto. No one says no. Not when big brother is right there in your head. Who needs big brother anyway? or neo-pavlovnian conditioning? All it takes is a jab. You won't feel the pain at all.

Of course there are those who try to rebel. 'Individualists' they call themselves, for they believe in the individual, the rights for each to have their own memory, their own thoughts. But haven't science proved again and again that centralisation and scale allows for faster thought and quicker answers? Why would we need the right to think as 'I' instead of 'We'? Why would we want something that may potentially destroy the very fabric of social cohesion?

But the public have been mostly cooperative, after much work of course. This new technology have allowed us to specialise the memories of the individuals to suit their statuses. Of course we still allow for people to grow to what they are, we aren't a discriminating group, we don't do the caste thing. What we do is to sharpen the minds and focus them, so that they could realise their full potential. The workers will get the memories of a goldfish. 7 seconds. All they need is to know how to screw on a screw, nothing else, and never be bored of it. Gone will their wants of cars and houses, or their secret hope of winning the lottery. One could not wish for such things when one could not recall any of them. The scientists will share a common databank, A million heads is better than one. And again, their material wants are wiped out, when there's no 'I', there isn't any thing that's 'mine'.

And the world is a peaceful place now. No more conflict and wars as all the reasons for them are removed. Everyone now have the exact same memory of past events and have the exact same political sentiments. Religion, on which so many wars are fought on, is now united under a common memory of a common savior, and all sing praises in his name, no more splits like those ancient times.

This is progress.

-written for a friend who probably didn't expect this to come out. i don't think its too complete, but i'm too sleepy to continue.