I wanted to write a continuation to a story i once wrote. But someone changed my mood so i'm no longer able to continue writing that story now. But yes. I've more to say.
Something about how parents do not belong in facebook. Nor anyone who isn't actually a friend for that matter. Sure i know you guys care and want to be our friends, but truth is, you are already more than that (parents are, at least). You guys are people who we are already truthful to, and facebook, to a certain extent at least, is part of our social image we have to uphold, so we can't be your little boy or girl at home on there, or on our blogs, or whatever. Its the reason some of you are on limited profile (Yes, you are) and some of your comments are deleted. And one of the reasons i am not forthright in my writing, or why you are sometimes blocked on my msn. Yes, I'm sorry. But me outside, is just not the same as me at home. I know you will ask me, why so? why must you be not yourself outside. But i'm not, I'm both me at home and me outside. Its something we all are, We are not 2 dimensional, we have more facets than a diamond could ever have, and more sides than any polygon, and its this facets, and this angles that makes us reflect the brightest amongst all. This is us. I am more than that. Since young i have always craved freedom and privacy, perhaps as much as everyone else, perhaps more. But i know privacy comes with a price. The price of distance and the price of our relationships. Which is why i do not push for total freedom and privacy, for i will call that isolation. But yes, give me my cyber privacy, and my internet freedom. For you guys do not belong online, you guys are in my heart.
Monday 26 April 2010
Wednesday 21 April 2010
of emptiness
Alright. 2 months in, and finally a weekday away from the hustle and bustle of school life. And in this quiet i found instead of peace, a little irritation and a little annoyance. Something that bothers my mind to no end. Maybe i am sick, or maybe that's not the main reason. Maybe its because my world seems blurred today, without my specs (2 pairs of specs broke in 2 months here, not my fault). And maybe even, its because the sun is now setting a little after 6pm, disturbing my inner chakra or something like that, who knows.
School has now settled into a series of lectures and tutorials and running away from them, as i slowly machinate myself again as i slowly try to find ways to accomodate this machination. Like i want to enjoy studying, but my little friend called stress is not allowing that. Just when i thought i was going good at my own pace, little stress comes along knocking. And so the tussling and fighting begins again.
But then again, it may just be the specs. Like i don't feel right seeing things but not seeing them right. Like i am missing my eye of the tiger or something.
Its wierd, but its true, how life occurs in cyclical flows. Awesomeness days are often followed by days in the shithole. Like 2 weeks ago things will going rockingly, my toner still has ink, my guitar was restrung, itunes on shuffle were churning out good songs, and i was basically having the time of my life, and most importantly, i had my specs on or at least contacts on some days. Today, after accumulation of several days, I am 63 dollars poorer, my toner is out, my itunes tell me that there is gonna be 'heartache tonight' , and even soccer didn't feel right just now. And when soccer don't feel right, things ain't right.
Like you know, how sometimes you just feel souless, like, no, its not a sudden loss of sensation, more of a slow accumulation of everything that leaves you just tired, void of feelings, and just sitting around not thinking. Not unlike losing a love that you never had, or suddenly realising that the full moon wasn't actually full.
Today is a day i miss my friends.
Oh well. Time for Star Wars Ep 6. Lets let luke try to cheer me up.
till next time.
School has now settled into a series of lectures and tutorials and running away from them, as i slowly machinate myself again as i slowly try to find ways to accomodate this machination. Like i want to enjoy studying, but my little friend called stress is not allowing that. Just when i thought i was going good at my own pace, little stress comes along knocking. And so the tussling and fighting begins again.
But then again, it may just be the specs. Like i don't feel right seeing things but not seeing them right. Like i am missing my eye of the tiger or something.
Its wierd, but its true, how life occurs in cyclical flows. Awesomeness days are often followed by days in the shithole. Like 2 weeks ago things will going rockingly, my toner still has ink, my guitar was restrung, itunes on shuffle were churning out good songs, and i was basically having the time of my life, and most importantly, i had my specs on or at least contacts on some days. Today, after accumulation of several days, I am 63 dollars poorer, my toner is out, my itunes tell me that there is gonna be 'heartache tonight' , and even soccer didn't feel right just now. And when soccer don't feel right, things ain't right.
Like you know, how sometimes you just feel souless, like, no, its not a sudden loss of sensation, more of a slow accumulation of everything that leaves you just tired, void of feelings, and just sitting around not thinking. Not unlike losing a love that you never had, or suddenly realising that the full moon wasn't actually full.
Today is a day i miss my friends.
Oh well. Time for Star Wars Ep 6. Lets let luke try to cheer me up.
till next time.
Wednesday 7 April 2010
What a week. What a Easter.
There are things that makes studying overseas worthwhile, things that alleivate the pain of seperation, things that reliefs the constant thorn of homesickness, things that makes you believe that the choice has always been right. Not that i did not know that from the start. In fact i have always did, the choice was mine, wasn't it? It wasn't because of NUS, or their rejection, but for the will to have a great time overseas. I am having it now.
As most of you most likely have access to my facebook, i'm guessing pictures speak louder that whatever words i could put here. So yeah. Great Ocean road was awesome, and long trips on the roads always make me think, and ponder life's questions. Questions that are perhaps answered already before i ponder them. But i kinda like answering questions that i know the answer to, perhaps it feeds my ego in some wierd way, or perhaps rethinking the answers add things to the answers to make them more complete. Puffing billy too was great. And surfing was just sensational. But yeah. they were great fun, and as i said, made studying overseas worthwhile, but through this weekend, i do still have some questions..
Perhaps the most important is how i do not miss home, not so much anyway. I could lie and say i miss the food, the home and the lay of the land. But i don't. Sure i would fancy some bak kut teh or some kuay chap, but I'm cool with nando's, with sofia's with La porchetta's. Like i do not really need to go back for food. I miss my room, a little, but not that much, like i could remember the general layout and the colour of my room, but not the exact shade, it seems so faded in my mind, was the green really that faded, or is that just the sepia camera of my eyes? I am happy enough with a ceiling above me and a bed i could call my own here. A room of my own with perfect privacy and freedom within it, what more could i ask. I miss my friends, and that is perhaps something i miss the most. Chilling out doing nothing, Watching movies. It just seems different. But yeah, i seek solace in the fact that they would miss me the way i do. And i'm there in spirit. Like sometimes, i feel them with me, the way i speak, i act, the way i take some of your tricks and your fun and incorporate them into myself. The way sometimes how i look at myself and say, 'Damn Wong, that's damn Jon/Reub/Ran/Zhou'. But yeah, other than that, I would like to say i miss my parents alot, but fact is i don't. I do love them and i believe they do love me. Which is why i do not miss them, for i believe we are always in each other's hearts anyway. Its not how much we see each other, or how much we do, or how much we talk, its something deeper, something unfathomable. Something that i could not explain everytime i see everyone talking about how the home is missed. And fact is, I really love this place, the people, the culture, the music, the food, the school, the room, everything. Its great. It really is. And i almost feel i could live here.
Someone tell me why? I want to want to go back, but fact is, i don't feel as though i need to.
There are things that makes studying overseas worthwhile, things that alleivate the pain of seperation, things that reliefs the constant thorn of homesickness, things that makes you believe that the choice has always been right. Not that i did not know that from the start. In fact i have always did, the choice was mine, wasn't it? It wasn't because of NUS, or their rejection, but for the will to have a great time overseas. I am having it now.
As most of you most likely have access to my facebook, i'm guessing pictures speak louder that whatever words i could put here. So yeah. Great Ocean road was awesome, and long trips on the roads always make me think, and ponder life's questions. Questions that are perhaps answered already before i ponder them. But i kinda like answering questions that i know the answer to, perhaps it feeds my ego in some wierd way, or perhaps rethinking the answers add things to the answers to make them more complete. Puffing billy too was great. And surfing was just sensational. But yeah. they were great fun, and as i said, made studying overseas worthwhile, but through this weekend, i do still have some questions..
Perhaps the most important is how i do not miss home, not so much anyway. I could lie and say i miss the food, the home and the lay of the land. But i don't. Sure i would fancy some bak kut teh or some kuay chap, but I'm cool with nando's, with sofia's with La porchetta's. Like i do not really need to go back for food. I miss my room, a little, but not that much, like i could remember the general layout and the colour of my room, but not the exact shade, it seems so faded in my mind, was the green really that faded, or is that just the sepia camera of my eyes? I am happy enough with a ceiling above me and a bed i could call my own here. A room of my own with perfect privacy and freedom within it, what more could i ask. I miss my friends, and that is perhaps something i miss the most. Chilling out doing nothing, Watching movies. It just seems different. But yeah, i seek solace in the fact that they would miss me the way i do. And i'm there in spirit. Like sometimes, i feel them with me, the way i speak, i act, the way i take some of your tricks and your fun and incorporate them into myself. The way sometimes how i look at myself and say, 'Damn Wong, that's damn Jon/Reub/Ran/Zhou'. But yeah, other than that, I would like to say i miss my parents alot, but fact is i don't. I do love them and i believe they do love me. Which is why i do not miss them, for i believe we are always in each other's hearts anyway. Its not how much we see each other, or how much we do, or how much we talk, its something deeper, something unfathomable. Something that i could not explain everytime i see everyone talking about how the home is missed. And fact is, I really love this place, the people, the culture, the music, the food, the school, the room, everything. Its great. It really is. And i almost feel i could live here.
Someone tell me why? I want to want to go back, but fact is, i don't feel as though i need to.
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