Of titles and insignificance

So, as i was walking home today. A post finally started to shape in my head. There was finally something i'd like to talk about. Something, that with the events of tonight, suddenly feels insignificant. But to not write it will perhaps be a pity, and perhaps i will regret it in the future as forgetfulness takes it from me. So here goes.

Its about titles. Titles have always appealed to me. If someone's name has a 'Sir', a 'Lord' or even a 'Dato' in front of it, i automatically sit a little more upright, and listen a little closer to what he has to say. Same for someone with say, a 'Prof.' or 'Dr.' or 'Chief Justice'. And perhaps its immature, and very rightly so, that i put any notice to titles as such. It has to do somehow and somewhat from all those old chinese legends i grew up with, the 108 heroes of the marsh, the 5 tiger generals, the 7 demigods, and those chinese martial arts novels, each hero with a title of his own. Or perhaps its King arthur and his knights. Or maybe its arises from my chinese parentage, of feudal lords, and marquisses of the plains, of honor(pride) to the family (Actually the literal translation of my chinese name). And i may have mentioned it somewhere before, but somewhere along my motivation to do medicine, as my degree and my future career, is a dark streak, a little dark cloud in the clear skies that is idealism.

And i am not afraid to admit it, i am not proud of it, but it certainly is there and it would be foolish and perhaps worse to try ignore or hide it. Fame appeals to me. Not your rockstar-hollywood-harrisonford kind of fame. But the heroic kind, the florence nightingales and Hua Tuos and apricot groves and medicine. And once again, i'm not proud of it. People do not achieve such fame by wanting such fame. But its again one of those things that i struggle with when my mind is free of books and knowledge. I am motivated by money only by lottery, motivated by power only if it holds fame and reknown, sad, but sadly true. And its a daily battle i fight, to not give in to these temptations and stay on my ideals. And its not easy.

And its there where my thoughts end as i pull out my keys and enter my apartment. And there's a story somewhere about how my stethoscope looks both like a snake and a hangman's noose, but is so absolutely essential for survival of the patient. And perhaps one day, i'll write that story. That battle between light and dark.

And then comes that sudden reminder, of how utterly selfish and pointless my thoughts were. of how in the big picture, all of these seems of little or no significance.

One voice. Just one voice.