Monday 30 April 2012

And just trying to regain abit of that confidence, and a little of that flamboyance that made me me last time.

And that's i guess, the bad thing about change, you never quite know if you're heading in the right direction. FOr the past 5 years or so i've been trying to learn a lesson in humility. And perhaps i've gone around it the wrong way, as i find my self losing quite a bit of self confidence and quite frankly, my way in the world.

So i guess its time, not to abandon humility, but to try regain that confidence i once had. Or believe i once had anyway. See what i mean?

After all, confidence is key to scoring goals.

Till next time. 

Sunday 29 April 2012

Monday 23 April 2012

And after a long hiatus from books, I think i've rediscovered my love for literature. All thanks to Apple's new Ipad and the advent of ebooks. Sure, it may not compare with the feeling of holding and flipping a paperback, but ebooks offers benefits of mobility and i don't know, flipping an imaginary page on a screen feels fun.

Back to martial arts novels.

Sunday 22 April 2012

Only lord of the castle

And so it happens again. As much as modern technology promises to conquer distances and 'bring people together', I find myself terribly worn out and vitally exhausted as I once again concluded a journey to the south(east). I find that as we grow older, many things that we once thought are bearable, grows increasingly difficult to accomplish. The 'too old for this' argue net, some calls it.


And the story continues with our barbarian, a new man in a new land, as he continues his exile from home. With his new identity, the knight soon found himself in the company of a different sort of crowd, neither to and against his wishes. He now partakes in dinner parties and Saturday afternoon brunches. Gone were the days where he would walk miles to find the nearest watering hole to quench his thirst, now he's surrounded by lords too willing but to lend him their horses. Things were looking good, in fact, the barbarian was enjoying it so much that the memory of those barbaric times seems to belong to another person in another time.


Yet, as we always know, good times does not seem to last in stories, nor in life. Through the dinners, brunches and literary events, the knight found himself the lord of a far away castle, master of the wild lands of the far north. The first few months were happy, as the knight commander fed off the fat of the land. Yet, the easy life has taken a subtle toll on him. Gone was his spirit and his battle readiness. And in his haste of accepting this new role of command and the experiences he will have, he ignored his rusty battle arts, and his lack of a weapon after the events that led to his exile. And, as with every changing of hands of land, there are always those who would 'try their luck' so to speak. A group of bandits, a thousand man strong, soon gathered at the gates of the castle demanding gold, women and plunder.


News of the rebels soon reached the ears of the barbarian and he marched into battle, with whatever little troops he had. A thousand rebels isn't a big number, and his days as a knight has trained him to battle with numbers far beyond the current small patch of thugs gathered outside his door. Yet, a battle is a battle, and the knight called for his messengers to summon his bannermen. And it is then he realised, how far away his bannermen are from him. His mind turned to the lords of the nearby lands, who was willing, to commit here and there, 'a dozen of my finest horsemen' or '10 of my most trusted archers'. But none so as willing to march full scale to his castle like his bannermen of old.


And the knight wonders, when will he reunite with his friends again.


- Written this lonely day as the sole lord of the castle.


Till next time.

Wednesday 18 April 2012

When johnny come marching home again.Hurrah.hurrah.
We'll give him a hearty welcome then.hurrah.hurrah.


And we'll all feel gay when johnny comes marching home.

Monday 16 April 2012

Of titles and insignificance

So, as i was walking home today. A post finally started to shape in my head. There was finally something i'd like to talk about. Something, that with the events of tonight, suddenly feels insignificant. But to not write it will perhaps be a pity, and perhaps i will regret it in the future as forgetfulness takes it from me. So here goes.

Its about titles. Titles have always appealed to me. If someone's name has a 'Sir', a 'Lord' or even a 'Dato' in front of it, i automatically sit a little more upright, and listen a little closer to what he has to say. Same for someone with say, a 'Prof.' or 'Dr.' or 'Chief Justice'. And perhaps its immature, and very rightly so, that i put any notice to titles as such. It has to do somehow and somewhat from all those old chinese legends i grew up with, the 108 heroes of the marsh, the 5 tiger generals, the 7 demigods, and those chinese martial arts novels, each hero with a title of his own. Or perhaps its King arthur and his knights. Or maybe its arises from my chinese parentage, of feudal lords, and marquisses of the plains, of honor(pride) to the family (Actually the literal translation of my chinese name). And i may have mentioned it somewhere before, but somewhere along my motivation to do medicine, as my degree and my future career, is a dark streak, a little dark cloud in the clear skies that is idealism.

And i am not afraid to admit it, i am not proud of it, but it certainly is there and it would be foolish and perhaps worse to try ignore or hide it. Fame appeals to me. Not your rockstar-hollywood-harrisonford kind of fame. But the heroic kind, the florence nightingales and Hua Tuos and apricot groves and medicine. And once again, i'm not proud of it. People do not achieve such fame by wanting such fame. But its again one of those things that i struggle with when my mind is free of books and knowledge. I am motivated by money only by lottery, motivated by power only if it holds fame and reknown, sad, but sadly true. And its a daily battle i fight, to not give in to these temptations and stay on my ideals. And its not easy.

And its there where my thoughts end as i pull out my keys and enter my apartment. And there's a story somewhere about how my stethoscope looks both like a snake and a hangman's noose, but is so absolutely essential for survival of the patient. And perhaps one day, i'll write that story. That battle between light and dark.

And then comes that sudden reminder, of how utterly selfish and pointless my thoughts were. of how in the big picture, all of these seems of little or no significance.



One voice. Just one voice.