And once again, its christmas. And there are, for real, many things that i am really thankful for.
But nth more, than my family.
And my very best friends.
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
A clockwork orange.
Its wierd. That my souvenir from china comes in the form of books written in a language called english. Well. Not all of it. Some of it is in nadsat.
So yup.
"What's it going to be then, eh?"
So yup.
"What's it going to be then, eh?"
Monday, 13 December 2010
21
So. another day.
Another long day spent with my closest friends, and now I'm back. Here. Writing down perhaps what i should have wrote yesterday but never took the time to.
You know how ideas seem to flit into your head, spin around it for a moment, perhaps make you ponder upon it for a few seconds, let you make a mental note about it, then totally vanish and disappear, together with the mental note and the knowledge of ever thinking about it? That's perhaps the reason why nothing came out when i sat down to type last night. and why little, if anything if coming through right now as well. But i shall persevere, or at least try to finish this post before i sleep tonight.
So let's begin, shall we?
Firstly. I'm now 21. And yeah. It took me just long enough to get here. And its been a good journey so far. Its kinda cool when you think about it, the amounts of choices made everyday, of options forfeited, chances taken that led all the way up to today. Perhaps in one of a million parallel universe I celebrated yesterday alone, and perhaps in another i'm missing one group of friend, or another group in another, or perhaps it would've been the other way around, celebrating at say a club, or at a poolside with millions turning up. But I don't know how those parallel equals of mine would feel, but i certainly do feel quite awesome right here.
Pardon my eccentricities, its the once in a year time where i get to spout rubbish without people stopping me. Not that that stops me from talking nonsense most of the time, but i do appreciate this freedom.
And so on we go.
I'm thankful for that great night. the night of the 10th. of the last month of the year of the 10th. The night where in a way, my whole life lined in front of me, almost my whole life anyway. I had friends from my primary, secondary then university all attending. I look into faces and i see memories peering back at me, stories sometimes so blurred out, that their details get confused with one another. But perhaps that's what our brains do, it blurs out the lines, unfocus the details, so that the memories turn awesome, even perhaps better than experiencing it.
And on a more personal note, turning 21 seems to still have caused or at least started changes in me that me myself am still unable to fathom. It seems such a landmark. But then again, my brain is pretty famed within my body for raising false alarms and thinking too much about things. But then again, my brain is probably the only thing that is thinking inside my body. God damn Anatomy, i can now never think with my feet or my heart again.
And it seems strange typing this, perhaps because i have ran out of ideas of things to write about, which i am quite sure is not the case. Its simply a case of me not being able to remember those things i thought about earlier in the day, or since yesterday.
But yeah, let me just end of this post with a few thank yous.
Firstly my parents, and grandparents, and ancestors beyond, for after 5000 or so years of chance, produced me. For that, i am more than grateful. To my sis as well, for being such a nice sister, for the day. haha.
A big thank you to all of you that turned up on friday, and thanks to everyone who wanted to come but couldn't make it. Thanks to those who wished me happy birthday in person, by phone, or over the internet, you have made saturday a really special day for me. And thank you, all of you, who have been a part or another of this 21 years of my life, thank you, you who i forgotten, you who i shared laughs with, you who are perhaps reading this right now, and you who perhaps never even knew this existed. Thank you, for being part of a great 21 year journey that brought me here to the starting point of adulthood, a gateway i've waited for so long now. And last but not least, I thank my brothers who stayed the night. And let there be no doubt, I'll follow you into the dark.
Till next time.
Morpheus awaits.
Another long day spent with my closest friends, and now I'm back. Here. Writing down perhaps what i should have wrote yesterday but never took the time to.
You know how ideas seem to flit into your head, spin around it for a moment, perhaps make you ponder upon it for a few seconds, let you make a mental note about it, then totally vanish and disappear, together with the mental note and the knowledge of ever thinking about it? That's perhaps the reason why nothing came out when i sat down to type last night. and why little, if anything if coming through right now as well. But i shall persevere, or at least try to finish this post before i sleep tonight.
So let's begin, shall we?
Firstly. I'm now 21. And yeah. It took me just long enough to get here. And its been a good journey so far. Its kinda cool when you think about it, the amounts of choices made everyday, of options forfeited, chances taken that led all the way up to today. Perhaps in one of a million parallel universe I celebrated yesterday alone, and perhaps in another i'm missing one group of friend, or another group in another, or perhaps it would've been the other way around, celebrating at say a club, or at a poolside with millions turning up. But I don't know how those parallel equals of mine would feel, but i certainly do feel quite awesome right here.
Pardon my eccentricities, its the once in a year time where i get to spout rubbish without people stopping me. Not that that stops me from talking nonsense most of the time, but i do appreciate this freedom.
And so on we go.
I'm thankful for that great night. the night of the 10th. of the last month of the year of the 10th. The night where in a way, my whole life lined in front of me, almost my whole life anyway. I had friends from my primary, secondary then university all attending. I look into faces and i see memories peering back at me, stories sometimes so blurred out, that their details get confused with one another. But perhaps that's what our brains do, it blurs out the lines, unfocus the details, so that the memories turn awesome, even perhaps better than experiencing it.
And on a more personal note, turning 21 seems to still have caused or at least started changes in me that me myself am still unable to fathom. It seems such a landmark. But then again, my brain is pretty famed within my body for raising false alarms and thinking too much about things. But then again, my brain is probably the only thing that is thinking inside my body. God damn Anatomy, i can now never think with my feet or my heart again.
And it seems strange typing this, perhaps because i have ran out of ideas of things to write about, which i am quite sure is not the case. Its simply a case of me not being able to remember those things i thought about earlier in the day, or since yesterday.
But yeah, let me just end of this post with a few thank yous.
Firstly my parents, and grandparents, and ancestors beyond, for after 5000 or so years of chance, produced me. For that, i am more than grateful. To my sis as well, for being such a nice sister, for the day. haha.
A big thank you to all of you that turned up on friday, and thanks to everyone who wanted to come but couldn't make it. Thanks to those who wished me happy birthday in person, by phone, or over the internet, you have made saturday a really special day for me. And thank you, all of you, who have been a part or another of this 21 years of my life, thank you, you who i forgotten, you who i shared laughs with, you who are perhaps reading this right now, and you who perhaps never even knew this existed. Thank you, for being part of a great 21 year journey that brought me here to the starting point of adulthood, a gateway i've waited for so long now. And last but not least, I thank my brothers who stayed the night. And let there be no doubt, I'll follow you into the dark.
Till next time.
Morpheus awaits.
Friday, 10 December 2010
Sunday, 5 December 2010
of old things.
So its that time again.That time of year, where i get consumed with thoughts and reflections about the year past and the year's that's coming. Of struggles that I perhaps had, and those that would perhaps face soon. Its the time of the year that i try to think of a word or a phrase or a line from somewhere to in a way catalogue the year that has been. And yup. So here am I, lying semi-supine in my bed, trying to sort the random jumble of words in my brain into coherent sentences that perhaps i could understand.
So. here goes?
You know how they say that you wouldn't know how much you need/like/love something until you lost it. Well, in a way, this year is kinda summed up by that. I remember the initial doubt of facing melbourne. The fear and, alright, perhaps not so much of the fear, i remember looking forward to melbourne actually. It kinda felt like a new adventure. Which on hindsight, it is. And yeah, going there however, meant that i had to make sacrifices. I spent a year away from my family and friends. The simple pleasures of watching breakfast shows on TV in chinese, or not doing your own laundry was sorely missed. Things, i perhaps would not even think about if i had continued staying here. And food, oh how i missed the food. The simple things like beef noodles, or fried carrot cake. Oh how i missed them. But yep, it has been a great year and It would be unfair of me to dwell on the stuff that i missed while I'm there. For I had a great time there, learning about things i truly want to learn about, and learning to live independently, or as my parents constantly remind me, pseudo-independently. But I've learnt a great deal in the process, not things like how to cook or how to do my own laundry, or financial planning or things like that. I've learnt things I did not know about myself, and rediscovered some things. And perhaps, the new 'me' i found and believe in may be just a passing phrase and may be unrecognisable say 5 years from now. Its great to finally feel as though i know myself.
And now I'm back, I've realised just how much freedom I have had there and how much i sorely missed it. How i missed the late nights and the guiltless beers. The just sitting around in my room doing nothing kinda feeling. Being able to eat out whenever i want to, and at whatever time i want to. Oh How i missed that. I missed the slower pace of life of melbourne, I miss feeling not everything is about money, and that there are much more things than that. I miss holding my guitar in my hands and singing to myself, telling myself 'No woman, No cry' or 'Let it be'. I still do that here in singapore of course. But it just feels different facing four empty walls and sorta hoping someone out there could and would hear you.
It would be great, if i could combine just the good parts of both places and yeah, live it as one. But it would apparently seem that that is unattainable, at least not so in the near future, or for most parts of the foreseeable one. And so until perhaps that is a real option, it ain't bad having it in the ratio i have it now eh, 9 mths of freedom, 3 mths of fun.
I'm turning 21 in a week.
It seems just yesterday i was turning 18, 19, 20 and now today.
Was just reading past entries around my birthday, and it sure did bring a chuckle to my mouth as i look through the past. After all, it was the same guy who declared himself independent as a marquisdom, the same guy who insisted in writing an edict to his 'people' every birthday. What great times eh?
21? Bring on the key, bring on freedom, bring on adulthood.
I'm waiting on you with open arms. I really am. I've built my castle, and my armour, I've polished my sword, my shield and my gauntlets. Now bring on the dragons, and the princesses. I'm ready.
So. here goes?
You know how they say that you wouldn't know how much you need/like/love something until you lost it. Well, in a way, this year is kinda summed up by that. I remember the initial doubt of facing melbourne. The fear and, alright, perhaps not so much of the fear, i remember looking forward to melbourne actually. It kinda felt like a new adventure. Which on hindsight, it is. And yeah, going there however, meant that i had to make sacrifices. I spent a year away from my family and friends. The simple pleasures of watching breakfast shows on TV in chinese, or not doing your own laundry was sorely missed. Things, i perhaps would not even think about if i had continued staying here. And food, oh how i missed the food. The simple things like beef noodles, or fried carrot cake. Oh how i missed them. But yep, it has been a great year and It would be unfair of me to dwell on the stuff that i missed while I'm there. For I had a great time there, learning about things i truly want to learn about, and learning to live independently, or as my parents constantly remind me, pseudo-independently. But I've learnt a great deal in the process, not things like how to cook or how to do my own laundry, or financial planning or things like that. I've learnt things I did not know about myself, and rediscovered some things. And perhaps, the new 'me' i found and believe in may be just a passing phrase and may be unrecognisable say 5 years from now. Its great to finally feel as though i know myself.
And now I'm back, I've realised just how much freedom I have had there and how much i sorely missed it. How i missed the late nights and the guiltless beers. The just sitting around in my room doing nothing kinda feeling. Being able to eat out whenever i want to, and at whatever time i want to. Oh How i missed that. I missed the slower pace of life of melbourne, I miss feeling not everything is about money, and that there are much more things than that. I miss holding my guitar in my hands and singing to myself, telling myself 'No woman, No cry' or 'Let it be'. I still do that here in singapore of course. But it just feels different facing four empty walls and sorta hoping someone out there could and would hear you.
It would be great, if i could combine just the good parts of both places and yeah, live it as one. But it would apparently seem that that is unattainable, at least not so in the near future, or for most parts of the foreseeable one. And so until perhaps that is a real option, it ain't bad having it in the ratio i have it now eh, 9 mths of freedom, 3 mths of fun.
I'm turning 21 in a week.
It seems just yesterday i was turning 18, 19, 20 and now today.
Was just reading past entries around my birthday, and it sure did bring a chuckle to my mouth as i look through the past. After all, it was the same guy who declared himself independent as a marquisdom, the same guy who insisted in writing an edict to his 'people' every birthday. What great times eh?
21? Bring on the key, bring on freedom, bring on adulthood.
I'm waiting on you with open arms. I really am. I've built my castle, and my armour, I've polished my sword, my shield and my gauntlets. Now bring on the dragons, and the princesses. I'm ready.
Friday, 26 November 2010
Of boredom
And so here I am. lying in bed, tired, but sleepless..
I always wanted such a period, a time for nothingness and perhaps a little quiet. But it seems oddly overwhelming, the idea of not having anything to do, or any place to be.
I can't wait for my brothers to be done with their exams. And hopefully end my boredom with such.
'and if make the plans, can we just not find the time'
I always wanted such a period, a time for nothingness and perhaps a little quiet. But it seems oddly overwhelming, the idea of not having anything to do, or any place to be.
I can't wait for my brothers to be done with their exams. And hopefully end my boredom with such.
'and if make the plans, can we just not find the time'
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
Sunday, 14 November 2010
The year.
And it all cumulated to tonight. A journey that was not exactly smooth sailing but yet far from any sign of rough waters. And so it ends, 10 mths in foreign soil, doing something I want to do in a place I want to be.
First year of med school has been a great, if slightly steep learning curve. For the first time in my life, I'm doing something I am not traditionally good at. No more could i rely on the logic of maths or the law of physics. But its been great, learning about parts of my body. Muscles, I didn't know existed, Bones, I didn't know had a name.
But its what I've accomplished outside the curriculum that is perhaps worth celebrating. I've survived almost a whole year independently. I've made great friends, both in and outside the course. I've been places, had great adventures, tasted heavenly food, and hellish stuff too. I've climbed mountains and crossed seas. Braved the wind, the rain and the hailstorm of the weather that is melbourne. I stayed sober, but I got drunk. I had my fill, my fair share of losing.
Its been a great year. And I very much look forward to the next. and the one after. and then one after. and then those beyond.
I would have more to write. For its been a eventful year after all. But my brain is not functioning due to its withdrawal from caffeine, and also, its 3.15am now.
So. Till next time.
First year of med school has been a great, if slightly steep learning curve. For the first time in my life, I'm doing something I am not traditionally good at. No more could i rely on the logic of maths or the law of physics. But its been great, learning about parts of my body. Muscles, I didn't know existed, Bones, I didn't know had a name.
But its what I've accomplished outside the curriculum that is perhaps worth celebrating. I've survived almost a whole year independently. I've made great friends, both in and outside the course. I've been places, had great adventures, tasted heavenly food, and hellish stuff too. I've climbed mountains and crossed seas. Braved the wind, the rain and the hailstorm of the weather that is melbourne. I stayed sober, but I got drunk. I had my fill, my fair share of losing.
Its been a great year. And I very much look forward to the next. and the one after. and then one after. and then those beyond.
I would have more to write. For its been a eventful year after all. But my brain is not functioning due to its withdrawal from caffeine, and also, its 3.15am now.
So. Till next time.
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
-Invictus
Tomorrow. Will start the conclusion to what has been at least a interesting first year. And i do hope i can do well. I once really believed in hope. I hope that hope doesn't abandon me now.
I do not know if i have did enough.
I hope i had.
I do not know if i know enough.
I hope i do.
I do not know if i'm in the right mind.
I hope i am.
Till next time.
Monday, 1 November 2010
Inspired
Alright. Its 4 minutes and and 2 and a half days to my exams. And i find myself here. slightly worried. A little stressed. And once again thinking why am i going through all this.
Its easy to see the practical reason. Get a job. Earn my pay. For that's what we need to continue to live eh? Stable job, stable pay. Pay off my parents. Bring up my children. Buy a car. and a plasma TV. and perhaps live well in a big house.
Its harder to see though, how am i trying to achieve my dreams. Its hard to see, how is being a doctor an alternative for someone who from young wanted to be a dragon slaying knight of an ancient chinese empire. Or a power ranger. Or a mutant. And I have to secretly admit. I have not given up on half of those dreams. Its easy to see the end. Where i want to be, standing amongst the savannah of africa, outside my medical tentage, watching the sun fall behind the great accacia trees, surrounded by a dozen people i just treated. Or in my clinic, closing up for the night, shelving up the files of the poor i just treated. Or taking off my blue ER PPT suit, smiling as i enjoy another 'one live saved' moment.
Many say its the journey that counts. Yet this journey is difficult and rough to say the least. And this time, i have much less to depend on. All along the way so far, the bicycle of childhood had the guide wheels firmly screwed on. For the first time, I am riding without the guide wheels. And for the first time, perhaps there's nth to catch me if i fall. And for the first time, i am out of my comfort zone of maths and physics. love them as i may. For the first time, my abilities to calculate my ways out of a situation is as good as knowing how to write english poems in ancient china.
There are many things i would like to tell myself 10 years from now. And perhaps 10 years from now, there will be many things i would like to tell myself too. But yes. I would know them. Wouldn't I?
In any case. That's something for another post sometime later.
Its easy to see the practical reason. Get a job. Earn my pay. For that's what we need to continue to live eh? Stable job, stable pay. Pay off my parents. Bring up my children. Buy a car. and a plasma TV. and perhaps live well in a big house.
Its harder to see though, how am i trying to achieve my dreams. Its hard to see, how is being a doctor an alternative for someone who from young wanted to be a dragon slaying knight of an ancient chinese empire. Or a power ranger. Or a mutant. And I have to secretly admit. I have not given up on half of those dreams. Its easy to see the end. Where i want to be, standing amongst the savannah of africa, outside my medical tentage, watching the sun fall behind the great accacia trees, surrounded by a dozen people i just treated. Or in my clinic, closing up for the night, shelving up the files of the poor i just treated. Or taking off my blue ER PPT suit, smiling as i enjoy another 'one live saved' moment.
Many say its the journey that counts. Yet this journey is difficult and rough to say the least. And this time, i have much less to depend on. All along the way so far, the bicycle of childhood had the guide wheels firmly screwed on. For the first time, I am riding without the guide wheels. And for the first time, perhaps there's nth to catch me if i fall. And for the first time, i am out of my comfort zone of maths and physics. love them as i may. For the first time, my abilities to calculate my ways out of a situation is as good as knowing how to write english poems in ancient china.
There are many things i would like to tell myself 10 years from now. And perhaps 10 years from now, there will be many things i would like to tell myself too. But yes. I would know them. Wouldn't I?
In any case. That's something for another post sometime later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)