its been a long and tiring week. with all the skills training and then 16km route march on friday. and its not helped by the commanders becoming less and less reasonable with each passing day.but yeah. can tahan. yesterday went to reub's birthday party. quite fun. talking rubbish like the old times.

nth much else.. lacking some writing inspiration.

back from situation

Just back from sit test. which is kinda fun despite its agonizingly fast fast march in the morning. The rest of it was pretty slack, walking from station to station doing rambo missions. but sit test did set me thinking about leadership school again. Once i had given it up, due to my poor physical abilities, but now i think being able to lead, its an interesting proposition. but still, i dun think i am able to take the training even if they let me in. Imagine, here am i struggling in even BMT. not to say command school. and then there is the time prospect, having already very very limited time out, i am already busy, can i still go to command school and waste further more of my time? there are people out there whom deserve more of my time but sadly i couldn't give it to them. so yeah.

and just some thoughts i formulated during field camp, some of those sudden sparks of brilliance that even i get suprised by my brilliance. like 'you have to trust to trust someone' or 'those who fears love, loves fear' or ' there are so many of us, and we could not expect everyone to have the same level of morale, or for everyone to sing on and on and on for the distance, but what i can do is to sing whatever i can, to care for as many as i can, to raise the morale of as many as i can and then, we will pull through.'. haha. and thks U4, for being such understanding section mates, will never forget you guys man, even after pop or anything. yeah.

again,
by the time you read this,
i shall have drifted off to sleep in camp.
how i wish i could need not go.
or you too, to not leave.
to hold you,
in my arms forever,
and to hear your voice,
like i used to everyday.
how i missed those good old days,
whole days of you.
but given a choice,
i will still choose the present.
For its good ain't it?
this feeling. and yes.
if i can help it,
it'll never end.

we took our time so far.
and i guess we shall continue to do so.
for that is what the stars have said,
isn't it?
this pace is good.

Day 3

Day 3.
Obviously, i'm still learning the ropes.
sometimes i don't know what i am supposed to do.
But yeah, I will learn,
and i must learn.
and i am just thankful,
that you're mine now.

So please,
do not be downcast.
For a star couldn't shine when she is sad.
I know you should be,
for it would mean that you're heartless,
if you didn't feel anything.
and I know, I am not exactly in any position to really say anything,
'cept to ask you to cheer up
and yeah, ensure that your sacrifices and choices will not be
to waste.

The world may find out about us
one day.
In fact, they perhaps already do.
but there's nothing to fear,
nothing to be shy about.
not when your hand's in mine.
For when it is,
I feel like the proudest man on the planet,
like a knight,
with a celebrated sword by his side.
So yeah.
Thanks once again.

My parents lectured me again just now,
telling me i still didn't know the world,
and its dangers,
and i do not know what i want in life.
And i agree, i do not know of such dangers,
nor what i want in life.
But i do know, if there be dangers,
I will pull through with you beside me.
My future is by no means certain,
but what i can do, is to cherish the present.

Its gonna be a long week,
with you working and me serving
the nation.
but i'll look forward to next weekend.
and seeing you again.

Day 2

Day 2.
3 hours of bliss.
Not gonna sway into any pressure.
I've waited so long,
and nothing's gonna change my direction now.

and yeah
I dun care what consequence it brings,
I have been a fool for lesser things,
I need you so bad,
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time.

yes. all went well.
the wonders a little valor could do.
thanks.

preCNY

Just booked out and this time, chinese new year feels abit different cos i am spending it with just my immediate family in singapore. and its just wierd. how i hated travelling 8 hrs up and down the highway just to meet relatives i hardly know and visiting here and there.. but now even before chinese new year officially started, i am missing it already. Now feel that although i may love singapore and serve in the army and believe myself to be a citizen of the world, deep down inside, i will always be a malaysian, however corrupt and a shithole of a place it is. after all its where all my roots are.

Also. well. as i said.
I am expecting something.
not from anyone.
but from myself.
Just that little bit of courage.
I know you have
shown me all you could
given me all you can give.
and its time
i guess
for me to take it.
just that little valor.


anyway. to everyone. wishing you a very prosperous and happy chinese new year.

Morning.

Good morning isn't it?
Nothing special happened.
but just by being with
someone special.
though neither will acknowledge it.
due to certain inconveniences.
the morning is just simply brighter.
Went with expectations of something more,
perhaps something i never experienced before.
after all, after last night,
one would be expectant.
nothing happened.
as i always cant seem to get it out once i see that face of yours.
but its ok.
I'm satisfied for now.
But one day.
soon.
I hope.
Finally,
what i hope.
will come true.
and for that.
i wish upon your star.

I wont see you till nxt wk.
cruel. it is. a little.
and by the time you read this,
if you ever will.
i will be in camp.
but yeah.
at least i am looking forward again.
Just dun break me again.
please.

Star.

Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey, Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better.

And any time you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
Well don't you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

Hey, Jude! Don't let her down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember, to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey, Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you, hey, Jude,
You'll do, the movement you need is on your shoulder

Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

perhaps that star in the night sky will be mine at long last..

for now. good night.

back from the field

Back after 2 wks in the pseudo-wilderness that is field camp where i stayed in one remote area of tekong for 6 days and 5 nights neath the rubber trees and starry skies. cant write much here cos most of it is well.. classified.. and my wkends are worth much more than writing those stuff here. not worth the risk is it?

but really. field camp makes you see everyone clearer.. who is a true friend and who is just there cos he must be. and who is a true leader and who isnt. and sleeping alone in the shellscrape makes you think even more. with the all engulfing darkness and i was thinking abit about everything.. like how when you are young you fear the night and as you grow older, you love it more and more.. at first you hate its chilly night winds and the darkness it entails.. then when you become a young child.. you see the moon and think you finally got a friend, one who would follow you wherever you go without fail but you still fear those dark days when the moon is not around and the darkness overruns you again. And as you grow even older.. you begin to see the stars, not as bright as the moon but everpresent and providing a eternal light however dark the night might be. and then you find a star of your own and know that its always there for you no matter what happens for it will never extinguish before you do.

and also thought of what it mean to be a true leader. and is punishment really the way to strenghten us? they ask for high morale and discipline but does discipline means punishment for every small mistake made? and how could we have high morale when they degrade us at every instance possible.. shouting and scolding us at the top of their voices? and they punish us for being slow, but doesnt punishing us for 30mins or so makes us even later for the activities? dunno. just dun think its right for them to hurl vulgarities at us in every language imaginable.. whatever's happened to professionalism?

anyway... gtg..

till nxt time.