and so it goes again. Another holiday comes and goes. This holiday have been weird. It started with a lot of drive and ambition, of dreams of things to accomplish. It then dies off, which by observation, seems to occur at increasingly common rates to me. And to be honest, i really have no idea why. I could blame medicine, and its immense workload, and with it the lack of time and energy to pursue any other train of thought, or my many other interests. It could be, the beginning of the death of my dreams. Or it could be, that morpheus died a couple of years back and i just wasn't able to remember the funeral, or that daniel is now in the dream throne and that all i am experiencing now is a different form of dreams. Of perhaps the uke, and the fantasy world of games. Or perhaps that's me just being too distracted.

Or maybe i lack a muse. nah. not an excuse. i blame having games on my computer. I think they're taking my soul away.

Someone help! haha.

And this year. I wish to be water, my friend.

And its once again 11/12, That fateful night of which 22 years ago, i was born to this world. It has been a good year, definitely. My 2 new ukes, finishing pre-clins, awesome food, awesome people, and then nepal. One might think it would be difficult to match that and next year will fail to live up to expectations. After all, this year was not without its disappointments, with some of them threatening to manifest into even greater disappointments by this time next year. But then again, i think its impossible to feel bad on your birthday. And then there's the lunar eclipse of course, which makes the occasion perhaps, even rarer.

Thank you everyone.

Nepal

And there are two explainations for my lack of posts, both for the significant milestone of the ending of my pre-clinical years and my great trip to the land of Never Ending Peace And Love (NEPAL for short). One of them is simple, its down to pure, utter laziness and a good dose of procastination. Another is more grand, sounds better, but many would dismiss it as an excuse, but to me its somewhat true. I find myself liking to wait a few days, a week or two, and let the initial euphoria die off before thinking back about it and then writing a few words. It makes for good reflection, or so i hope.

So.

Nepal in one word, was amazing. You know it is a good day when you wake up in a freezing temperature to see the sun slowly illuminating first the more distant hills, then the nearer ones, then finally shining on the one you are on. Then eat a simple meal prepared by monks before heading out to treat the ill and needy, and finally rounding off the days being swarmed by local children as you sculpt and handout balloons. I don't mind being the pied piper of balloons, its kinda fun. There are hardly any traffic lights in nepal, and horns are used excessively on the roads, there are hardly any big cars, and i don't think anyone could navigate as well as they could in any part of the world. There are of course, also snow mountains, visible within a couple of hours trek for any local in any town perhaps. It is something too, to sit on the plane, and point and say, that's the highest point of our planet. Its something surreal, something explainably cool about it. I have not climbed it, but now i live to tell my descendants that I, saw the top of the world. And maybe, just perhaps one day, I would climb it.

I could go on and on, but that would just defeat the purpose of this post. But truth be told, i miss Kathmandu, i miss its busy streets and crowded neighbourhoods, its messy traffic and its colourful history. Of course, all this from the comfort of the Hyatt Regency.

There's a song somewhere in scraps of paper i wrote about Kathmandu. Hopefully i could find it.

Till then.

Namaste.

Beast

Sometimes i want a average life. You know, be perhaps a blacksmith, or a luthier, graduate from my apprenticeship at age 21. Find a common girl, and marry and then lead a somewhat average life with few indulgences and fewer desires. And wonder if how life like that would be amazingly good and perhaps enjoyable.

And then its then that i know, deep inside, the Wong would never accept that. He would want the dragon-slaying adventures and the maiden you have to fight past a horde of orcs, the lady stuck in a tower by witches, or the one accursed with a million year sleep. And somewhere, there's another who's willing to live his life as a outcast and a beast, just to wait for the right belle. Another who's willing to be cursed to be a frog, to wait for the heart of gold that would break the curse.

And i guess its the hardest, when the frog, or the beast, see the maiden right in front of him. Surrounded by courtsmen from kingdoms vast and rich. And yet find himself helpless to the situation. And sometimes perhaps, like once again, she is just the person that would make you go look for the star, and then actually find the star. And then hopefully, Someone out there is thinking the same thing.

Its the 88th minute, and i probably have a couple of shots left before full time and having to wait for the next match. Which judging by my performance, i'd not be first team again.

Oh wells.

The beast lives tonight.

Reflections on long travels

I admire gamemakers. A good gamemaker is a philosopher, a worldsmith, a crafter of dreams of sorts. Able to make sense of this nonsense and then convert it into a format that does.

And i was just thinking, in any good rpg theres the epic boss battles and cut scenes as well as good story lines. But then there will also be quests that make you think 'this is pointless'. But that doesnt make the game bad, in fact it sort of reflects real life. When sometimes u are summonned across the city just to pick up a couple of messages that could have been picked up on the phone.

Hungry, tired and sick but a more active than usual brain.

Till better times.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfxVNRwrrwo&feature=feedrec_grec_index

Of farewells

I am not good at farewells. Not good at saying goodbyes. I've tried everything, from the old 'going-out-with-a-bang' to the 'slip-out-the-back-before-they-know-you-were-there'. The short and sweet fare thee wells, and the long dragged out slow dcresendo of friendships. Live long and Prospers and May the force be with you. Yet today, it seems that i am faced with another impending farewell yet again. I'm sorry, perhaps the farewell itself isn't the worse, its the period leading up to it.

Just recieved news of my posting next year to the Alfred, though that means that i've got my first choice and am able to stay with a couple of my best friends, it also means that i have to say goodbye to many of my other friends who sadly will be posted elsewhere. In the lecture an hour ago, while many were still estatic or heartbroken by their placements, i had suddenly the knowledge, that that could have well been one of our last lectures together. It's these moments where you suddenly look back at the two years that has almost past and look at the people who you've interacted with, and know that that's perhaps the last time you'd really interact with them, to really sit down in the same tutorial or even the same lecture hall to discuss stuff.

Its these moments where you suddenly think, where will everyone be next year. How would everyone be doing. And of course, where would she be.

Que Sera Sera my friend.

High, higher, higherer

And with the VIAs truly and surely upon me, like a dark cloud or something over the horizon. My mind have been forced to abandon its seek for the fun, sun and love and turn to more scholarly aspects of my life. Just a nicer way i supposed of saying, I'm finally motivated enough to study. Even then, i find myself more motivated to be distracted than to actually focus on my studies.

I find myself thinking (Caution: Med geek talk to follow) what if i was a certain hormone (TSH) or a certain enzyme, will i like my job? Will i be content to be just a messenger, a second messenger at that, to forward instructions on to further down the chain. Will i be happy that i will always need a co-factor, or co-worker to help me, or would that make my job a hell more interesting. And then i tried to think from above, like if i was the guy on top, the literal brain of the organisation. How would i manage this whole system. I mean, positive feedbacks are easy to work with, i do something, they feel right about it, and i increase output further. But negative feedback? I'm not sure if i could handle that that well. I mean, how willing would i be to put in so much effort in creating something, only for that guy to give me negative feedback? Would I be cool with that? Or would i simply dismantle the whole system there and then.

And then my daydreams get further away, i start thinking of the even higher above, of did he think of such things when he was designing us, or did he purposely set things up this way. After all there must be a higher power, i mean nothing would grow up and say 'I want to be a second messenger!' right? And then i tell myself, I'm just thinking of rubbish. At when another part of my brain says, 'hey wait a moment, we might be onto something here, the secret of life! The answer to the question of what's the question to the ultimate answer of life, universe and everything!'. Which the original boring part of my brain retorts 'No way, that's just lame'. And another part of brain joins in and say 'Hey could it be that you are part of the divine, sent here to stop me from discovering the answer to life!' and it builds on just like that, more diverse and crazy views one after another, joining in the giant public debate in my mind. Its called synapsing i think, something like synergy. All until one part of me says 'Enough!' 'Time for a break'. At which everyone agrees that perhaps getting more glucose is more important than whatever issue is at hand. All except that one voice who thinks he's on the verge of discovering the answer, still thinking that everyone is just being confused and distracted by higher powers, who would dissolve into nothingness if the brain actually sat down to work together to figure them out.

In centuries past, this could actually be considered blasphemy and i could be burnt, then hung, then drowned or something like that.

And also, i think i've sorta decided to move to tumblr, just not sure when. And a big thank you to all who have been here past, present or perhaps future. But that, is content for another post another day. haha.

Till next time.

Decision point.

I know i have only 3 readers maximum, so the choice is simple. to move to tumblr or not to move.