well. just returned from class outing and after talking bout army. it made me blue once again. maybe its cos of my tiredness. finally realised why army is so painful afterall. Its because its not a general pain or general problem like say pollution or bad politics but its a personal, close to heart problem, a selfish one if you put it in the army terms. So i am i guess. Selfish. Its like when you wake up there in the morn by the glaring white lights, and then you realise youre not at home. like in 'green green grass of home'
and then i awake and look around me,
of four grey walls that surround me,
and then i realise,
that i was only dreaming.
for there's a guard,
and there's the sad old padre,
arm in arm we'll walk the daybreak,
again i'll touch, the green green grass of home
yeah. and i'll be in today later. so yeah.
but one of those days inside i was getting philosophical, and i thought about this. 'Forgive and forget' they say, but is that ever possible. I mean to forgive, you have to remember you forgiven the person, and to say you have forgot the incident means that you do not remember it, but it doesn't mean you have forgiven him. Or put it this way, if you forgot something, don't you have to judge it again everytime you remember it? Say someone punched your face. You could just forgive him, and remember you did so. Or you could forget about it. And everytime you remember he punched your face, do you not have to judge whether to forgive him again? And don't you have to decide one day whether you forgive him or not. And if that is so, isn't 'forgive or forget' a little more accurate or just forgiveness alone would do the trick. was reading this book, 'the pig that wants to be eaten' and well it got me quite philosophical, thinking about life, the dreaming and everthing.
and with that. tt's all for now.
till nxt time.
glad you are there, rara avis. :)
Sunday 30 March 2008
Sunday 23 March 2008
part 2 of soldier life.
Well. its just hours to go till i fall asleep. and tomorrow when i wake up. everything will be different again. Somehow i managed to con myself into believing that this 2 weeks are gonna last forever, or part thereof anyway. but looks like its not gonna be, cos i still have to go in. guess after awhile i will find it not that bad again. but once again, i'm beginning to miss the world.
They say the army changes someone, i think that they are true. but the benifits of it i'm unsure of. I can no longer do stuff i could do last time. My brain is but a wreck now, unable to perform the easiest of calculations. So is my argumentative mind, unable to form cohesive arguments against stuff which are so obviously incorrect. Or my jovial spirit, just fragments left of it, with periods of great sadness and unhappiness like now in between. Sometimes i wonder if i had made the right choice staying, 'protecting' my friends and family against 'external threats' or should i have chose, like a few friends of mine, to forgo this citizenship and perhaps lead a happier life. Normal, Civil, unregimented.
but oh wells, what to do. the choice is made 3 mths ago and i can't really change it now can i? and even if i could, would i? not when there's so much as stake now.
anyway. thks for the afternoon.
Its been quite a long week.
with me abroad first,
then you.
I guess i would get sick of you, if
i saw you every day of the week.
and so would you.
and thus.
I'm happy with this
and i await next Sat.
which i apprehendedly hope
that I'll make it special.
Or perhaps if possible.
I'll make friday good as well
but dun get your hopes too high yeah.
for i fear dissapointing you.
anyway.
just to add.
Thks.
really.
Thks.
For everything
They say the army changes someone, i think that they are true. but the benifits of it i'm unsure of. I can no longer do stuff i could do last time. My brain is but a wreck now, unable to perform the easiest of calculations. So is my argumentative mind, unable to form cohesive arguments against stuff which are so obviously incorrect. Or my jovial spirit, just fragments left of it, with periods of great sadness and unhappiness like now in between. Sometimes i wonder if i had made the right choice staying, 'protecting' my friends and family against 'external threats' or should i have chose, like a few friends of mine, to forgo this citizenship and perhaps lead a happier life. Normal, Civil, unregimented.
but oh wells, what to do. the choice is made 3 mths ago and i can't really change it now can i? and even if i could, would i? not when there's so much as stake now.
anyway. thks for the afternoon.
Its been quite a long week.
with me abroad first,
then you.
I guess i would get sick of you, if
i saw you every day of the week.
and so would you.
and thus.
I'm happy with this
and i await next Sat.
which i apprehendedly hope
that I'll make it special.
Or perhaps if possible.
I'll make friday good as well
but dun get your hopes too high yeah.
for i fear dissapointing you.
anyway.
just to add.
Thks.
really.
Thks.
For everything
Friday 21 March 2008
Wartime Healer
Well. have just received my posting. going to become a combat medic. what do i say? dun really know anything bout it and do not intend to. only thing bothering me now is i have to pack my bags for book in on mon. and having had 2 wks of civilian life just makes me kinda sick of having to go in again. but what to do?
and medic may well help my future studies as a doctor, esp the application of one. kinda like a attachment. haha.
watched gridiron gang earlier today and would say its quite a nice show.. i kinda like this kind of motivational inspirational shows which motivates me just a little and though it kinda dies off after a while, the feeling is good.
2 more days.
till nxt time.
and medic may well help my future studies as a doctor, esp the application of one. kinda like a attachment. haha.
watched gridiron gang earlier today and would say its quite a nice show.. i kinda like this kind of motivational inspirational shows which motivates me just a little and though it kinda dies off after a while, the feeling is good.
2 more days.
till nxt time.
football, movie and conspiracy theories.
back from malaysia 2 days ago and had quite a busy 2 days. so had no time to do anything including applying for uni. which somewhat leaves my future hanging in the balance. for now. shall do it later today. hopefully.
yesterday went kick at safra. its amazing how 3 mths of training gives u little improvement in fitness and a week of eat,sleep and play lifestyle destroys that fitness that quickly. after that watched 'be kind, rewind' with reub and gang. and its not bad despite its initial lameness it was quite nice at the end and yeah. i think it sorta brought the message home. after that sat around and discussed conspiracy theories. which was also kinda fun. please. transport.
going out soon. so nth much else.
miss your voice already. come back soon. :)
till nxt time
yesterday went kick at safra. its amazing how 3 mths of training gives u little improvement in fitness and a week of eat,sleep and play lifestyle destroys that fitness that quickly. after that watched 'be kind, rewind' with reub and gang. and its not bad despite its initial lameness it was quite nice at the end and yeah. i think it sorta brought the message home. after that sat around and discussed conspiracy theories. which was also kinda fun. please. transport.
going out soon. so nth much else.
miss your voice already. come back soon. :)
till nxt time
Sunday 16 March 2008
going to malaysia.
going to malaysia soon. since i hadn't done so in quite a long time i would say. and yeah. one must return to his roots once in a while.
was reading and reflecting backwards. and yeah. some changes are necessary. definitely. and thus change is in progress now. Its time to shed my savage cocoon.
on a side note. WEST HAM UNITED won blackburn rovers 2-1 to stop the sequence of thrashings. with 18yr old Freddie Sears grabbing the headlines. hopefully this guy turns out good for west ham. For we are, afterall, THE ACADEMY OF FOOTBALL. yeah.
nth much else.. now to 3 days of boredom in malaysia.
hoping for football when i come back.
and i'll miss you. :)
till nxt time
was reading and reflecting backwards. and yeah. some changes are necessary. definitely. and thus change is in progress now. Its time to shed my savage cocoon.
on a side note. WEST HAM UNITED won blackburn rovers 2-1 to stop the sequence of thrashings. with 18yr old Freddie Sears grabbing the headlines. hopefully this guy turns out good for west ham. For we are, afterall, THE ACADEMY OF FOOTBALL. yeah.
nth much else.. now to 3 days of boredom in malaysia.
hoping for football when i come back.
and i'll miss you. :)
till nxt time
Friday 14 March 2008
on POP
you know sometimes when you walk in circles.
you're not lost.
instead every round you go
gives new insights into everything.
and every round is different.
and yeah.
i prefer the new you.
though i haven seen the last.
this one is good.
anyway. almost forgot to blog bout one of the most important occasions of my army life. POP. or GP or fucking off from tekong. whichever you prefer. whatever everyone has done, however hard you dislike someone or their ways, it doesn't diminish the fact that we have spent 3 mths together under sunny days and stormy nights. I remember the first day we came, and sat down round the square table. and introduced ourselves. it seemed so simple then to understand each other. direct and honest. or mayb not so. due to shyness and a host of other reasons which given that its our first day together, understandable, even i too wasn't exactly honest, or lets say i gave my resume introduction. one without an insight into my true self. but through the events, route marches, field camp, sit test, range, HG and most importantly field camp, i guess you guys have understood my more, like i guess i had about you guys. so many defining moments, where to start. I remember the day we dug our shellscrape, sitting down around roy and alvin's shellscrapes. eating and talking until unwelcomed personnels come over, foreman. haha. and the day we walked trough the rain for 24 long kilometers. and also our POP. how we stood, steadfast and unmoving as the rain lashed on us brutally through the rehearsals as well as the real thing. and the pure true joy i see in everyone with us passing out. Or just simply the magnificent view we get out of the window. spectacular.
And in the end, there isn't much to write about is there? I believe that all who had been through this together will understand this. That words just couldn't totally make out the whole experience. and all i could say is thus Thank you guys. You have been a great buddy/friend/section mate/platoon mate/company mate/school mate/ brother/comrade of mine and i would cherish all my memories, good or bad with you. and if one day i should forget the details, i'm sure you would remind me. and come one day when all of us are old, and forgot everything, i'm sure i'll still remember that you are my friend. all the best in your future endeavors, my brothers. It has been one great hell of a ride.
you're not lost.
instead every round you go
gives new insights into everything.
and every round is different.
and yeah.
i prefer the new you.
though i haven seen the last.
this one is good.
anyway. almost forgot to blog bout one of the most important occasions of my army life. POP. or GP or fucking off from tekong. whichever you prefer. whatever everyone has done, however hard you dislike someone or their ways, it doesn't diminish the fact that we have spent 3 mths together under sunny days and stormy nights. I remember the first day we came, and sat down round the square table. and introduced ourselves. it seemed so simple then to understand each other. direct and honest. or mayb not so. due to shyness and a host of other reasons which given that its our first day together, understandable, even i too wasn't exactly honest, or lets say i gave my resume introduction. one without an insight into my true self. but through the events, route marches, field camp, sit test, range, HG and most importantly field camp, i guess you guys have understood my more, like i guess i had about you guys. so many defining moments, where to start. I remember the day we dug our shellscrape, sitting down around roy and alvin's shellscrapes. eating and talking until unwelcomed personnels come over, foreman. haha. and the day we walked trough the rain for 24 long kilometers. and also our POP. how we stood, steadfast and unmoving as the rain lashed on us brutally through the rehearsals as well as the real thing. and the pure true joy i see in everyone with us passing out. Or just simply the magnificent view we get out of the window. spectacular.
And in the end, there isn't much to write about is there? I believe that all who had been through this together will understand this. That words just couldn't totally make out the whole experience. and all i could say is thus Thank you guys. You have been a great buddy/friend/section mate/platoon mate/company mate/school mate/ brother/comrade of mine and i would cherish all my memories, good or bad with you. and if one day i should forget the details, i'm sure you would remind me. and come one day when all of us are old, and forgot everything, i'm sure i'll still remember that you are my friend. all the best in your future endeavors, my brothers. It has been one great hell of a ride.
Thursday 13 March 2008
Spiderwick
Just watched spiderwick chronicles today. quite a good show i would say, despite its plot sounding lame at first. but which fantasy story does not sounds lame at first? haha. contrasts with 10000bc watched a day before, which was lame to say the least.
after which played magic drafting with alvin, zx and heeyang and came out tops walking away with a mauler, a siege tower and a merfolk wizard. kinda happy.
and seriously.
watching movie with someone in my arms,
or my arms with someone,
feels different.
but good.
and seriously,
i don't think i am getting sick of you anytime soon,
and hopefully you wouldn't too.
and i just can't thank you enough,
for loving me
and being that unmoving star in my night sky,
and for being my sword as well as my shield.
and of course you already know all this,
and you will be hoping for something you don't already know.
but i feel this is what i truly feel and thus
is what i will surely say.
after which played magic drafting with alvin, zx and heeyang and came out tops walking away with a mauler, a siege tower and a merfolk wizard. kinda happy.
and seriously.
watching movie with someone in my arms,
or my arms with someone,
feels different.
but good.
and seriously,
i don't think i am getting sick of you anytime soon,
and hopefully you wouldn't too.
and i just can't thank you enough,
for loving me
and being that unmoving star in my night sky,
and for being my sword as well as my shield.
and of course you already know all this,
and you will be hoping for something you don't already know.
but i feel this is what i truly feel and thus
is what i will surely say.
Wednesday 12 March 2008
Friday 7 March 2008
disbelieve.
just decided to write it down before my euphoria dies off. well. today marks the passing of yet another milestone in my life. kinda overwhelmed and in disbelieve now. I mean i had put in effort, alot of it. but i didn't expect 4As. sort of like what thuram was feeling when he scored both goals in the 1998 world cup match against croatia. damn happy. if happy is enough to describe what i am feeling right now. and i mean, after studying like daily from morn to night for close to like 8 mths. at least it paid off.
and now for the next steps. scholarships( if possible) and university admissions.
nth much else. till nxt time..
to everyone out there. enjoy your night.
and now for the next steps. scholarships( if possible) and university admissions.
nth much else. till nxt time..
to everyone out there. enjoy your night.
Sunday 2 March 2008
Remember the first.
its just one more full week to POP week. and yeah. to tell the truth. i feel relieved. For things have not been exactly smooth sailing in camp the past weeks with all the changes and troubles caused by a certain someone, whom i shall name N whose behavior currently i do not believe befits a commander and certainly unfair to say the least. which leaves me here once again disillusioned with army life and indifferent to ranks. but yeah. who cares about commanders. like i said, i do not care shit bout the so called 'integrity' of the platoon or company or whatever they say it is. but what i do care, is for the men inside these groupings. the brothers we undergo fire and hell with. I mean, they could rename the company or even disband it. but my friends will stay my friends and my brothers will stay my brothers. and so hang in there my friends, all this will be over soon.
Remember the first,
day we met,
total strangers,
unsure and shy.
Remember the first,
steps we ran.
Brothers in arms,
comrades in step.
Remember the first,
time we marched,
waves of motion,
steps uncertain.
Remember the first,
time we kissed the floor,
pain in our arms,
steel in our hearts.
Remember the first,
bullets fired.
Me with the rifle,
you right behind.
Remember the first,
nights outfield.
neath the stars,
and towering trees.
Remember the first,
songs we sang.
pushing our spirits,
echoing through the ranks.
Remember the first,
Quarrels we had,
flaming words,
yet never burned to heart.
and remember the first,
of everything.
of pain and joy,
of broken backs and dripping sweat.
for it shall be remembered by me at least.
as the first
and only.
yeah. haha. sort of emoing in prelude to pop. haha. after all one will make friends after staying 3 mths under the same roof in the same room with the same ppl. talking cock everyday, taking shit everyday, doing rubbish everyday, singing songs everyday, making fun of each other everyday. yeah. thanks guys. We had one hell of a time.
anyway. on another note. saturdays are always the best day of the week. :)
(so are sundays when both of us are free)
nth much else..
till nxt time...
Remember the first,
day we met,
total strangers,
unsure and shy.
Remember the first,
steps we ran.
Brothers in arms,
comrades in step.
Remember the first,
time we marched,
waves of motion,
steps uncertain.
Remember the first,
time we kissed the floor,
pain in our arms,
steel in our hearts.
Remember the first,
bullets fired.
Me with the rifle,
you right behind.
Remember the first,
nights outfield.
neath the stars,
and towering trees.
Remember the first,
songs we sang.
pushing our spirits,
echoing through the ranks.
Remember the first,
Quarrels we had,
flaming words,
yet never burned to heart.
and remember the first,
of everything.
of pain and joy,
of broken backs and dripping sweat.
for it shall be remembered by me at least.
as the first
and only.
yeah. haha. sort of emoing in prelude to pop. haha. after all one will make friends after staying 3 mths under the same roof in the same room with the same ppl. talking cock everyday, taking shit everyday, doing rubbish everyday, singing songs everyday, making fun of each other everyday. yeah. thanks guys. We had one hell of a time.
anyway. on another note. saturdays are always the best day of the week. :)
(so are sundays when both of us are free)
nth much else..
till nxt time...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)