550

"How many years can some people exist,
Before they're allowed to be free"

And here we are, post 550. and 6 years on this blog. I was reading it on my itouch a couple days back, and damn, it seems that i've lost alot of things on the way to 550. Gone were the many musing moments i had while i was in army, perhaps an overdose of work, or maybe being overly free has something to do with that. But then again, perhaps its just laziness creeping in, or perhaps just a change in my mood or way of life.

Have slightly less that one and a half month left of my time in singapore this time, and boy did I had a good time. Chilling out with friends, the lonely hearts club, celebrating my 21st. doing crazy things that is making me part of a viral video amongst my friends now. I had fun. lots of it.

Maybe its got something do with turning 21, maybe is because some things have changed after spending a year abroad. Or maybe its not me at all. Despite all the fun, i find myself missing melbourne a little. and perhaps maybe more than a little. How do i put this. I need freedom. I need to be able to sleep at whatever time i want at night, perhaps to finish a movie, or maybe finish talking to a friend, without anyone telling me how late nights are going to affect my health. I need to be able to go out, without receiving calls and messages in harsh tones asking me to come home early and further messages telling me how bad late nights are again. I know I am young, and perhaps i do not truly know everything the wisdom of the world has to offer, and I even know I would perhaps regret some of the things I've done, or are doing now. But i dunno, i just feel that i need some space, to at least make these mistakes for now. I am 21, people make mistakes when they are 21. I am not proud of it, but I like my lifestyle now, not the one you try to put on me, my own one. I'm sorry I'm not great at sleeping early or spending time doing things that are 'productive' or being religious or stuff. I'm sorry for wanting to eat crab meat, and frog legs porridge, and not vegetarian fare. I'm sorry if i don't talk or communicate to you guys now, because all you ever talk about is buddhism, and if not, from a buddhist perspective, or health conciousness. I rather be awkward. I rather come home, and we just watch tv together without trying to make a deep serious conversation, maybe just a couple of 'how is your days' or 'eat some fruits' or 'funny show on tv eh'. I don't need someone to ask me if i know the ill effects of alcoholism. And on that, I have been seriously limiting my alcohol intake, or my gaming time. Not because i am affected by them, not because anyone but you feel that i am affected by them. Only because i do not want another fight.

And on that, I believe you guys are seeing me the wrong way, and its sad, but i don't think i can do anything to change that, and i won't. I really don't need this.

I really look forward to the day that you can treat me as a real human, and allow me to make my own choices and write my own story.

Till next time.