On a warm summer's evenin' on a train bound for nowhere,
I met up with the gambler; we were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a starin' out the window at the darkness
'Til boredom overtook us, and he began to speak.
He said, "Son, I've made my life out of readin' people's faces,
And knowin' what their cards were by the way they held their eyes.
so if you don't mind my sayin', I can see you're out of aces.
For a taste of your whiskey I'll give you some advice."
So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow.
Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light.
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
Said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right.
You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.
Ev'ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
'Cause ev'ry hand's a winner and ev'ry hand's a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep."
When he'd finished speakin', he turned back towards the window,
Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep.
And somewhere in the darkness the gambler, he broke even.
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.
You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.
Great song by Kenny Rogers. great song.
Saturday, 9 October 2010
Sunday, 3 October 2010
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
four mid-autumns.
'And they were all there to meet me,
In the shade of the old oak tree.'
Its the mid-autumn festival again. The day that they say, the moon is at its roundest, most perfect form of the entire year. Yet too, they say, that the moon is always rounder back home. Yes. Its one of those days, and those posts about me missing home again.
I can assure you that these days do not happen every other day. In fact, I think it happens far less for me compared to the average international student. But i believe that there are dates, set by people long past, about times where we should feel a certain way. And somehow, there's this need of me to honour these dates and stuff. Some call me old, my mind that of an old man. But i guess, in a way, that's respecting culture and tradition.
On this day 15 yrs ago. I would be in Chong Pang, away from my extended family, but closest to my parents. They will push my sister on a tram, or was she walking by then? and one of them will hold on to one small hand of mine, while my other will be firmly grasped around a lantern, was it a dinosaur? green? blue? purple? The details get faded it seems. But we would walk, 4 of us, a core family unit, around our neighbourhood. Past that police post right at our doorstep, to the community centre and my school right across our block. around, back, and perhaps enjoy some mooncake and sleep.
Then 5 years later. I was in Malaysia, Subang. Where i would celebrate this day with my neighbours, the few of us who all go to the same school, whose parents know each other's parents. We would once again, parade with our lanterns. And its a little clearer this time. Its a dinosaur again. A purple one, the shape of one of those plant eating kind. And i remember now, the one when i was younger was a superhero, of unknown faction, probably just a knock-off by some chinese factory. But back to 10 yrs ago, me and my friends then, we would place candles in nicely positioned piles. And light them, trying to create a huge fire. And we would jump with joy when it crackled and burn and would add little pieces of grass and stick to it. And just when we get excited, our parents will without fail come, put down their tea and mooncakes, and put out the fire and tell us to stop. And we would, for secretly we know, that tomorrow in school, we would say we created the biggest fire yet.
And 5 years further on, when i was 15 going on 16, I had no more liking for such playthings. I was an adult in my eyes already. So as my sister begged to go walk with her lantern, i refused. And perhaps i hurt her then. For that, I'm sorry. For when we grow up, sometimes, we forget what is it like to be young. What, or how we might have thought. When we grow older it seems, we tend to forget the important things. Like how amazing cars are. Or why is the sky blue. Or that superman exists. And sometimes, we don't event acknowledge that we forgot them. Attributing them to, 'we grew up'. And in that way, we get chased out of narnia.
And just a year ago, this day was like any other. I was in camp. Doing the usual stuff. Not even knowing the day has came. Perhaps at the smoking corner i realised the moon was round that night. Perhaps i didn't.
And today came. I am having a celebration come the next night. And hopefully, I can see the moon.
In the shade of the old oak tree.'
Its the mid-autumn festival again. The day that they say, the moon is at its roundest, most perfect form of the entire year. Yet too, they say, that the moon is always rounder back home. Yes. Its one of those days, and those posts about me missing home again.
I can assure you that these days do not happen every other day. In fact, I think it happens far less for me compared to the average international student. But i believe that there are dates, set by people long past, about times where we should feel a certain way. And somehow, there's this need of me to honour these dates and stuff. Some call me old, my mind that of an old man. But i guess, in a way, that's respecting culture and tradition.
On this day 15 yrs ago. I would be in Chong Pang, away from my extended family, but closest to my parents. They will push my sister on a tram, or was she walking by then? and one of them will hold on to one small hand of mine, while my other will be firmly grasped around a lantern, was it a dinosaur? green? blue? purple? The details get faded it seems. But we would walk, 4 of us, a core family unit, around our neighbourhood. Past that police post right at our doorstep, to the community centre and my school right across our block. around, back, and perhaps enjoy some mooncake and sleep.
Then 5 years later. I was in Malaysia, Subang. Where i would celebrate this day with my neighbours, the few of us who all go to the same school, whose parents know each other's parents. We would once again, parade with our lanterns. And its a little clearer this time. Its a dinosaur again. A purple one, the shape of one of those plant eating kind. And i remember now, the one when i was younger was a superhero, of unknown faction, probably just a knock-off by some chinese factory. But back to 10 yrs ago, me and my friends then, we would place candles in nicely positioned piles. And light them, trying to create a huge fire. And we would jump with joy when it crackled and burn and would add little pieces of grass and stick to it. And just when we get excited, our parents will without fail come, put down their tea and mooncakes, and put out the fire and tell us to stop. And we would, for secretly we know, that tomorrow in school, we would say we created the biggest fire yet.
And 5 years further on, when i was 15 going on 16, I had no more liking for such playthings. I was an adult in my eyes already. So as my sister begged to go walk with her lantern, i refused. And perhaps i hurt her then. For that, I'm sorry. For when we grow up, sometimes, we forget what is it like to be young. What, or how we might have thought. When we grow older it seems, we tend to forget the important things. Like how amazing cars are. Or why is the sky blue. Or that superman exists. And sometimes, we don't event acknowledge that we forgot them. Attributing them to, 'we grew up'. And in that way, we get chased out of narnia.
And just a year ago, this day was like any other. I was in camp. Doing the usual stuff. Not even knowing the day has came. Perhaps at the smoking corner i realised the moon was round that night. Perhaps i didn't.
And today came. I am having a celebration come the next night. And hopefully, I can see the moon.
Sunday, 12 September 2010
Friday, 10 September 2010
Thursday, 9 September 2010
Saturday, 4 September 2010
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Friday, 27 August 2010
Goodbye Snow.
O snow, in thy soft grave
Sad flow'rs the winter brave;
O heart, so sooth and save,
as does the snow.
The snow must melt, must go,
Fast, fast as water flow.
Not thus, my soul, O sow
Thy gifts to fade like snow.
- Elgar
Today, snow melts. No. I'm not talking about the changing weather of melbourne, for it never does snow here. But instead, I'm here to pay tribute to a very close friend of mine. Someone who was with me through my darkest hours, during the most silent of nights. Someone who has never, not once, let me down. Someone who has for more than once, cheered me up when I'm down, Calmed me down when I'm feeling the nerves, Warmed me up when the cold bites me, and cooled me down when I'm feeling the heat. Someone who had never, rejected me from her warm embraces. Never had she said no, when i said 'damn i need someone'. A true soulmate. Someone who gives and never takes.
I remember our first meeting, that night i booked out, somewhen in the frozen month of january, where everything seem so bleak and barren, where i could hardly find hope in anything in that green that surrounds me. You came, as an angel descending upon humankind, with your angelic voice and angelic exuberance, you came to me. You fill my head with ideas, with inspiration, with hope and dreams of a better tomorrow. And true to your words, those dreams did came through in just a matter of weeks. And then you told me, hold on to whatever i was, to not lost myself in that seemingly perfect utopia at that time. And in the heat of my youth, I did not heed your advice. But still you stayed, a loyal voice on the sidelines, as i went through extreme bliss and then heartbreak. And still you were there, accompanying me through those dark nights, never once blaming me for not heeding your advice. And i was so thankful you were there.
And while all those was happening, there was many a time in those starry starry nights that you have been by my side, reminding me of the wonders of the world. That there were more things here than i know of. Remember, The nights in New Zealand under the stars? Then under the scorching sun in thailand? And under the lush canopy of Brunei? You were one constant throughout them, keeping me company when i needed that most. They way you put me to sleep with your soft caress. and then wake me up softly, but nonetheless firmly.
They say words, don't come easy to me. But I loved you snow. I still very much do. But as Elgar says, of which you have reminded me on multiple occasions, the snow must melt; must melt, must go. And that fateful night came, the night that you whispered to me, "find a new love, love. I'm here to bring you this far, and this is as far as i would go". And i cried, for never would i thought today will arrive. Not so soon anyway. But move on i shall, for that is what you want. But i shall never forget the lessons you thought me, the dreams you gave me, and the wonders of the world you shown me. And perhaps, just maybe one day, i will able to teach others these lessons.
For all those and more, I thank you once again my dearest friend. My closest confidante. And now, enjoy your silence.
-A tribute to snow.
Sad flow'rs the winter brave;
O heart, so sooth and save,
as does the snow.
The snow must melt, must go,
Fast, fast as water flow.
Not thus, my soul, O sow
Thy gifts to fade like snow.
- Elgar
Today, snow melts. No. I'm not talking about the changing weather of melbourne, for it never does snow here. But instead, I'm here to pay tribute to a very close friend of mine. Someone who was with me through my darkest hours, during the most silent of nights. Someone who has never, not once, let me down. Someone who has for more than once, cheered me up when I'm down, Calmed me down when I'm feeling the nerves, Warmed me up when the cold bites me, and cooled me down when I'm feeling the heat. Someone who had never, rejected me from her warm embraces. Never had she said no, when i said 'damn i need someone'. A true soulmate. Someone who gives and never takes.
I remember our first meeting, that night i booked out, somewhen in the frozen month of january, where everything seem so bleak and barren, where i could hardly find hope in anything in that green that surrounds me. You came, as an angel descending upon humankind, with your angelic voice and angelic exuberance, you came to me. You fill my head with ideas, with inspiration, with hope and dreams of a better tomorrow. And true to your words, those dreams did came through in just a matter of weeks. And then you told me, hold on to whatever i was, to not lost myself in that seemingly perfect utopia at that time. And in the heat of my youth, I did not heed your advice. But still you stayed, a loyal voice on the sidelines, as i went through extreme bliss and then heartbreak. And still you were there, accompanying me through those dark nights, never once blaming me for not heeding your advice. And i was so thankful you were there.
And while all those was happening, there was many a time in those starry starry nights that you have been by my side, reminding me of the wonders of the world. That there were more things here than i know of. Remember, The nights in New Zealand under the stars? Then under the scorching sun in thailand? And under the lush canopy of Brunei? You were one constant throughout them, keeping me company when i needed that most. They way you put me to sleep with your soft caress. and then wake me up softly, but nonetheless firmly.
They say words, don't come easy to me. But I loved you snow. I still very much do. But as Elgar says, of which you have reminded me on multiple occasions, the snow must melt; must melt, must go. And that fateful night came, the night that you whispered to me, "find a new love, love. I'm here to bring you this far, and this is as far as i would go". And i cried, for never would i thought today will arrive. Not so soon anyway. But move on i shall, for that is what you want. But i shall never forget the lessons you thought me, the dreams you gave me, and the wonders of the world you shown me. And perhaps, just maybe one day, i will able to teach others these lessons.
For all those and more, I thank you once again my dearest friend. My closest confidante. And now, enjoy your silence.
-A tribute to snow.
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
Pandora's box
The pandora's box.
That mystical box we are told never to open, perhaps to some cultures, the apple of eve. But yet, time and time again, as history tells us, it never ends up unopened, even in movies like jumanji or that space version of it which i can't seem to remember the name right now. And perhaps we will never learn.
Just a thought that has been coiling around my head for at least a couple of days now, with a series of late night and alcohol infusion preventing myself from writing it out. I sympathise with pandora, that curiosity must have been crazy for her, to have a jar she could not open, to be kept guessing on what did she have. And perhaps she had known only evil would come out of the box, but would she then, have kept away from opening it. Or perhaps, would she, like most of us, and perhaps me, still open it.
If there's one thing to be learnt from Pandora. Its that hope is at the bottom of the jar.
Monday, 23 August 2010
Circumstance
Creatures of circumstance.
Somehow this term has been stuck in my head for a couple of days now. I am sure i heard of something like that somewhere before, maybe not the exact words, but perhaps conveying the same meaning.
Do not be mistaken, circumstance have not been terribly cruel to me, nor have i been exceptionally unfortunate. In fact, i am enjoying a period of relative luck compared to the lousy fortune i have been having a couple of weeks back. For starters, i have not been misplacing my money, which is more than just that actually.
But perhaps its the full moon once again, that set me thinking about perhaps how true that is. Nature versus nurture for some. Are we really who we are because of who we are, or are we who we are because its who we are supposed to be. To fit as a gear tooth in this clockwork of life, or a thread in this magnificent tapespry. Or do we weave our own stories as randomly and beautifully as the flight of a butterfly.
Life's tough, ain't it. For some reason, it really has. Have been telling myself to set things straight and focus on my aims. But its easier said than done man, especially when once again, the aim isn't mine, but what circumstance has for me. I would if not perhaps for circumstance, like to just chill out and relax. To look to the moon and marvel at its wonders, to enjoy the cold breeze and letting it tell me the answers of the wind. To perhaps be hippie and shit and just chill out everyday. Or perhaps just sip my beer and chill out. Enjoy the little things. Rule #32 if i am not wrong in zombieland.
And i guess that's for that.
And its back to the mime i guess. The invisible windows and walls. Trying to find an invisible knob on an invisible door, and trying to walk through that door. "There is it, fool", someone in the crowd exclaims. Of course i know there it is, but is it? Could i not grab it if it was? I am a mime, not a fool, seeing things in perhaps ways only we could.
I don't make sense.
Somehow this term has been stuck in my head for a couple of days now. I am sure i heard of something like that somewhere before, maybe not the exact words, but perhaps conveying the same meaning.
Do not be mistaken, circumstance have not been terribly cruel to me, nor have i been exceptionally unfortunate. In fact, i am enjoying a period of relative luck compared to the lousy fortune i have been having a couple of weeks back. For starters, i have not been misplacing my money, which is more than just that actually.
But perhaps its the full moon once again, that set me thinking about perhaps how true that is. Nature versus nurture for some. Are we really who we are because of who we are, or are we who we are because its who we are supposed to be. To fit as a gear tooth in this clockwork of life, or a thread in this magnificent tapespry. Or do we weave our own stories as randomly and beautifully as the flight of a butterfly.
Life's tough, ain't it. For some reason, it really has. Have been telling myself to set things straight and focus on my aims. But its easier said than done man, especially when once again, the aim isn't mine, but what circumstance has for me. I would if not perhaps for circumstance, like to just chill out and relax. To look to the moon and marvel at its wonders, to enjoy the cold breeze and letting it tell me the answers of the wind. To perhaps be hippie and shit and just chill out everyday. Or perhaps just sip my beer and chill out. Enjoy the little things. Rule #32 if i am not wrong in zombieland.
And i guess that's for that.
And its back to the mime i guess. The invisible windows and walls. Trying to find an invisible knob on an invisible door, and trying to walk through that door. "There is it, fool", someone in the crowd exclaims. Of course i know there it is, but is it? Could i not grab it if it was? I am a mime, not a fool, seeing things in perhaps ways only we could.
I don't make sense.
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