myth of uniquity part 2

So west ham has won, rather convincingly and it looks as though curbishley will keep his job for now. He's gotta improve or one day or another someone still have to replace him.

was just looking at something through facebook and then wiki and it kinda built on my theory of the myth of uniquity. here we are trying to believe that we are all different and special and there we go accepting things that are the same for everyone and believing they are unique. And yeah. uniquity is really getting more and more to be a myth to me. everyone's just so similar however hard we try to be different.

Obama. West ham.

just read some stuff from obama. and kinda think that he's good. haha. hope Singapore have someone who's like him. Someone who would bring freedom and change to a country, though not saying that what we have now ain't good.* Kinda hope i am able to vote for him though i am not american at all. so yeah. gonna show my support for him here.

he sounds and feels so much like prez richards, the would be american president in neil gaiman's acclaimed sandman comic, World's end. just hope he's able to accomplish the same.

Go Obama.

On another note not totally unrelated, west ham takes on blackburn today. kinda scared, best thing i could hope for is for west ham to lose heavily and curbishley to get sacked next thing in the morning with bilic signed immedietely as a replacement and bringing in one or two signing of his own just before the transfer window closes in 48 hours time.

badly need something to improve my mood. something like west ham winning by a big margin, but that contradicts the point above so if its possible let west ham win and curbishley be sacked still. haha.

ate seoul garden with zhou ran and reubs just now. now feeling the ill effects of overeating.

3rd extra

just found out my friendster have been hacked since dunno when and some of the stuff on it was changed. idiots. haha. changed it back though.

serving day 3 of my 3 extra duties for losing my camp pass. which i guess was somewhat perhaps the start of quite a bit of bad luck. a streak that lasted till now. perhaps its the fact that i ain't joining my friends out there on this friday night. instead stuck in camp with no one but me, a driver and yet another medic. tomorrow will be out after family day shit in the morn.

running out of games on psp or books to read. need to find something that could somewhat stimulate my brain again.

shall end of with a song i think nice. haha.


i've been looking so long at these pictures of
you that i almost belive that they're real i've
been living so long with my pictures of you that
i almost believe that the pictures are all i can
feel

remembering you standing quiet in the rain as
i ran to your heart to be near and we kissed as
the sky fell in holding you close how i always
held close in your fear remembering you
running soft through the night you were bigger
and brighter than the snow and
screamed at the make-believe screamed at the
sky and you finally found all your courage to
let it all go

remembering you fallen into my arms crying
for the death of your heart you were stone
white so delicate lost in the cold you were
always so lost in the dark remembering you
how you used to be slow drowned you were
angels so much more than everything oh hold
for the last time then slip away quietly open
my eyes but i never see anything

if only i had thought of the right words i could
have hold on to your heart if only i'd thought of
the right words i wouldn't be breaking apart all
my pictures of you

Looking So long at these pictures of you but i
never hold on to your heart looking so long for
the words to be true but always just breaking
apart my pictures of you

there was nothing in the world that i ever
wanted more than to feel you deep in my heart
there was nothing in the world that i ever
wanted more than to never feel the breaking
apart all my pictures of you

Pictures of you. The cure.

till nxt time.

Its been a week which could only be described as lukewarm. Its one of those where everything once again seemed so. common? or ordered? like life has been when i was at school. the daily routines of waking up, doing work, resting, sleeping. and its kinda boring i guess. but in this boredom i guess there is a certain fixed satisfaction like lukewarm water brings. sure it may not have the electricity of cold water, or the tenacity of boiling water. but lukewarm is what i guess, humans, take best.

Just started some sort of 'artistic expression' in camp by drawing on the whiteboards. but unfortunately my first ventures into art was not well recieved and was critised as too gory and 'sick' as i drew a human skull with a hole on top of the skull with a flowing tap washing its brain out through the ears and ants crawling all over and inside the skull and somewhat to me aptly named, 'the armymen'.

nth much else.

slightly sick again..
URTI. or upper respiratory tract infection, or utterly ravaging throat irritation.

To say i'm fine will be lying. haha. but i'm lucky to have a great bunch or brothers.

I guess its time to set up my castle and armour again. so that another, one day, could walk into my life again.

I google you

I Google you
late at night when I don’t know what to do
I find photos
you’ve forgotten
you were in
put up by your friends

I Google you
when the day is done and everything is through
I read your journal
that you kept
that month in France
I’ve watched you dance

And I’m pleased your name is practically unique
it’s only you and
a would-be PhD in Chesapeake
who writes papers on
the structure of the sun
I’ve read each one

I know that I
should let you fade
but there’s that box
and there’s your name
somehow it never makes the pain
grow less or fade or disappear
I think that I should save my soul and
I should crawl back in my hole
But it’s too easy just to fold
and type your name again
I fear
I google you
Whenever I’m alone and feeling blue
And each scrap of information
That I gather
says you’ve got somebody new
And it really shouldn’t matter
ought to blow up my computer
but instead….
I google you

lyrics by Neil Gaiman
song by Amanda Palmer

post 300

have been wanting to post for the past few days but haven been able to make up a sufficiently long or even readable post.

well. it has been somewhat of a poor week after what have been a somewhat acceptable wkend due to the advent of the epic battle between i, zhou, ran and cyc on bfme. feeling emo from time to time but otherwise fine.

guess this kinda sums up what kinda mood i am in for this 300th post. nothing seems to be at the best it could be. yet nothing bad enough to really write about. damn. can't wait for a wkend where i am well and properly free.

i need a break from everything man. sian. mayb a wk or 2 at an isolated island.

And yeah. its difficult being a marquis, the marquis. The marquis de carabas. After all, favours sold are difficult to call back and i do not know if i could, or if i even want to. But yeah. been pretty happy buying selling favours to be called back when i want to.

olympics part 1.

back to normality i guess. but this line kinda always bring the start of a new wave of emo. so yeah. tentatively. haha

anyway. was watching olympics quite a bit this few days cos of my passion in sports and the fact that i simply have too much time to spend in the medical center. and yeah. kinda impressed by quite a few athletes and teams. Always kinda inspired by this kinda event. the things it represent.

For me. this Olympics is a celebration of asian pride. Of asians reclaiming their rightful place in the world. For centuries we have been seen as an 'inferior' race, even after the end of the wwII. Asians or even more specifically chinese still have no place in the world. with many percieving us as slave and slavers, motivated by money and money alone. I feel that this Olympics have shown the world what we chinese are all about. Yes. We may speak your language. Yes. We may worship Bill Gates and Donald Trump. But Yes too we have cultural pride. How the west tried to deride the chinese about their rule over tibet, trying to cause internal chaos. and how the chinese of the world all stood up together in support of the chinese, rallying in almost every country which matters, every stage of the world torch relay.. Australia, America, England, all the chinese immigrants of the world, stood up. and did we win? well, Tibet is still under china rule isn't it. And then comes the olympics. and China put up one of the most spectacular opening ceremonies of all times. Its Grandeur and Majesty unrivalled. and yet again, the western newspapers critised it for being staged and deciding instead to focus on an injury instead of the whole show. And the measures to make this a 'green' Olympics. Are the chinese really oppressed? Well. If i was there, it would be one sacrifice i'm willing to make to help show the world who and what we are. And all the negativity surrounding the judging and stuff. If this was FM, i wouldn't have hesitated into clicking, 'sounds like sour grapes to me' and confirming it.

Kinda angry at the fact that this being one of the better games i've seen so far being bombarded and critised as though it was the worst ever. If a western country were to put in such an effort to make this happen, it would be said that 'immense national effort' has done it. but for china, it'll be 'oppression of the people'. For goodness sake, as the chinese, how many aren't proud of the olympics and how many are willingly being 'oppressed' so as to make the games successful. For me Beijing was much better than Athens, much better publicised, prepared and presented.

I am a fan of freedom, after all my comics, Captain America, Superman, Green Lantern. But yeah, i do know that there isn't any specific standard you could set for everyone. which is what singapore has been arguing all along when they said that we did not have enough freedom of expression.

kinda crazy rant. But yeah. result on reading online stuff bout the beijing olympics. I mean, I am chinese after all, different from chinese chinese but after all still a chinese. and an asian. A mongoloid if you may. And yeah. i do feel some pride for that. in fact quite abit. sure. It may not matter here in singapore. But i dare anyone who says that it does not matter anywhere to go for a stint abroad. It may only be as short as 2 months. But you will realise. We are asian whether we want it or not and we have to fight for that respect. every inch of it.

lol.
next post will be more moderate. sounds like some crazy communist.

Thank you.

Well. now feeling much better than when i typed that post in camp yesterday. though i'm still stuck at home alone. bored out of my nuts.

well. i just feel that i should give thanks instead to that you in my memories. for i know that things have changed and so have people. And the person i loved will be but now a memory. So yeah.

Thank you. For colouring my life magneta, cyan, maroon and turquoise from the basic Red blue and Yellow of the old me. and Thank you too for showing me those colours.
Thank you. For Painting the blue canvas with clouds in the morning and stars in the night. Things otherwise totally ignored by me. And thanks for showing me that though not every cloud has a silver lining, the clear blue canvas will always be behind those clouds.
Thank you. For showing me flowers beyond the five petals and central circles. For they made me notice my surroundings.
Thank you. For making me know that walking isn't a chore. Sometimes.
Thank you. For raising my head. Allowing me to walk proud of myself when i was most in doubt over myself. And thank you too for raising it, for it is then that i could see the wonders in the heavens.
Thank you. For showing me the power of art and expression, poise and grace. Things once considered pointless and useless to me.
Thank you. For bringing me music. And to allow me to realise that music isn't about a note or even a movement. Its about whole symphonies and concertos.
Thank you. For activating my thinking mind. For before that, i hardly thought of anything at all. And thank you too. For being there to share my thoughts.
Thank you. For making me dream such wonders. And thank you too, for showing me dreams may, after all, be dreams.
Thank you. For starting my changes. Allowing me and others to see myself in a new light. And showing me changes may be good,.or bad, or both
Thank you. For showing me love, and the sharpness of the tip of the 'heart' sign. And for helping me understand slightly more.
Thank you. For being my sword and shield. And for letting me know that all swords are double-edged and shields badly positioned will crush one's arm.
Thank you. For showing me stars could be captured. But may burn in uncareful hands.
Thank you. For showing me that smoke gets in your eyes. But yet that's not the way it feels.
Thank you. For showing me what i believe is the greatest motivator of life. And yet the greatest breaker of spirits.
Thank you. For letting me experience almost all of the endless. And showing me why are they endless.
Thank you. For showing how great friends are. Then. and now.
Thank you. For a million time where you occupied my empty mind. And thank you for showing me that it can be filled sometimes with other things.
Thank you.
Thank you. For the many small things i may have missed out. And some big things as well.
Thank you. For letting me realize its all a matter of perspective. And sometimes you just have to turn around.
Thank you. Too for many subtle things that even now i may not have realised. And that sometimes its better not to realise somethings.
And yeah. Thank you.

I'll move on. though i know even when i type this it may be just days or even hours or minutes before i fall into a emo hole again. But yeah. For now. Thank you for the memories and yeah. I do know what the one in my memory will say to all those i just did. But times have changed haven they? Its in a heroes blood to recognize that. Like Batman. Or Superman. Who always seem to see changes. And i want to be one. and i'll try to be one. and one day perhaps i may be one. Maybe not yours. Or almost certainly not yours. But yeah. I'll be one someday. And then I'll say thank you again. For being the first. And yes. I do not know, neither do i want to pretend to know, nor try to believe i know that what you will think of this. Cos as proven many times, it may be just the opposite. So yeah. Thank you. And let me try to flip the page slowly once more.

and isnt that the way they say it goes...

damn man. damn.
all those effort by me to try to move on.
just not working for me man.
1 mth after and
i am still bleeding down here.
when the other performers have already moved on to other productions.
leaving me here still with my empty stage.
playing a tragic mime.
agonizing.

Last words.

here's just one last post before i have to book in for what have been one of the best days spent entirely at home doing nothing. Playing games all day long while talking to me mum and just lazing around. quite a change from my hectic daily life and my even more busy wkend life.

broke at the moment. i mean financially. In dreams i'm far from broke, cos my current wants are kinda sky high which kinda made me financially broke. Need new shoes, shirt, jeans, games, cap...

etc. haha. anyway just designed my dream boots on NIKE ID. haha. i like the fact that i could customise the words on my boots. haha. one hell of coolness. looks a million buck man. haha.

Operator.


With a little help from my friends.

Of boot colours

Chanced upon this as i was reading my usual soccer news and think its kinda cool. in fact. very cool. haha.

FYI I used to be yellow and red and have thus since moved on to green, black and gold. haha. So which kinda means i was once the enthusiastic life and soul of the team who plays aggresively and has since changed my role to be the enigmatic defence organiser who happens to be the golden boy of the team. LOL. haha. kinda cool yeah.

and scrolling all the way down kinda made me chuckle when i thought of zhou and his sala soccer shoes. haha.

So. what colour is yours?

Of dreams and nightmares and postponed wonders.

Just came home and had dinner with me mum and after that both of us had our try at the 8m prize up for grap on this friday's toto draw. come this friday, i'll either be 3 dollars poorer of 8 millions richer or somewhere in between. haha. dreams of grandeur and finesse again. imagining an island and everything once more.

And talking bout imagination and dreams once more. Do you ever get dreams that you wake up from saying to yourself, 'damn, why didn't i have this one last time when things were different'? Dreams that are nightmares now which may have been great if they had happened just days before or weeks before. And then you get a splitting headache and a bad taste in your mouth and you suddenly could taste that bad breath of yours that you normally miss when you are newly awake? If you hadn't, trust me, its the worst kinda nightmare you will ever get, a postponed dream. (there ain't a word for the opposite of nightmare, but if there was, it would have fit it just right there) Fancy an example? well. this is a adaptation of one i got, though its totally different. Imagine you got rejected by a course in say a university of your choice. Then a few weeks after you thought you have put that dissapointment behind, your brain decides to just suprise you at the point where you have no control over it- when you're asleep, and thus starts to broadcast a vivid dream of you having a perfect day in that course of your choice which climaxes with a scene so wonderful and awesome that you wake up from it, only to find, its only been, and only will be a dream made by that crocked brain of yours.
:)

How worst can dreams get. When you get a bad dream, at least when you wake you could comfort yourself in the fact that it will never happen. But when you get a good one, the same couldn't be said, can it?

medical center monster hunting.

at medical center again. decided to make this kinda my bunk instead cos of the great amenieties provided. And its much more convenient to do my dressing on my wound here at the medical center. But kinda wasting government funds though, changed my dressing 3 times today. haha. Kinda fun to play with the dressing.

Still not feeling top of the world, like there's just so much more potential to feel as good as i had last time. but yeah. kinda feeling the best i could right now.

nth much else actually.

shall go hunt monsters again.. lol.

Operator

lack of post this wkend cos was kinda busy. Mummy, monster hunting, section4 outing and football in that order. it was fun overall cept for the football being spoilered by some idiots kicking a ball and a new injury i got on my foot. but otherwise a somewhat good weekend, if slightly emo.

Thinking alot, sometimes bout stuff that makes me feel better and sometimes stuff that makes me feel one hell worst. but yeah. i guess it takes time for me. and yeah. I know the way. but nonetheless kinda reminded of this song though.

Operator, oh could you help me place this call
You see the number on the matchbook is old and faded
She’s livin’ in l.a.
With my best old ex-friend ray
A guy she said she knew well and sometimes hated

Isn’t that the way they say it goes
But let’s forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it
So I can call just to tell them I’m fine and to show
I’ve overcome the blow
I’ve learned to take it well
I only wish my words could just convince myself
But that’s not the way it feels

Operator, oh could you help me place this call
’cause I can’t read the number that you just gave me
There’s something in my eye’s
You know it happens every time
I think about the love that i thought would save me

Isn’t that the way they say it goes
But let’s forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it
So I can call just to tell them I’m fine and to show
I’ve overcome the blow
I’ve learned to take it well
I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn’t real
But that’s not the way it feels

Operato,r oh let’s forget about this call
There’s no one there I really wanted to talk you
Thank you for your time
Oh you’ve been so much more than kind
And you can keep the dime

Isn’t that the way they say it goes
But let’s forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it
So I can call just to tell them I’m fine and to show
I’ve overcome the blow
I’ve learned to take it well
I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn’t real
But that’s not the way it feels...

and that's bout it for this wkend. haha
writing this at the medical center now actually. haha.
kinda nice place, gonna stay here for the whole olympic period. lol.

till nxt time

wise words

Wise words from a friend.

If you want to enjoy a symphony,
Don't hold on to a few bars of the music,
Don't hold on to a couple of notes,
let them pass,
let them flow.
The whole enjoyment of a symphony lies in your readiness to allow the notes to pass.
Flow.