Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Saturday, 6 December 2008
Sunday, 30 November 2008
Perhaps its an birthday thing.
Or perhaps its the fact that December is on the seat.
Or maybe its just a random occurrence associated with boredom.
Been feeling down, or emo, as some may put it.
Not for any issues related to love or whatever.
But of army yet again.
Just when army is getting acceptable,
Bombshells have to be dropped.
Making me know that this really ain't for me.
slightly less than a year ago,
I resolved to be positive about all this.
Of captive days and emo nights.
Of trying to hold strong and not crumble.
And i hope that resolve is still there.
Outfield this week.
Again.
Add a Sergeant-Major who just decided to revert to trainee style.
and a bruised knee.
Do not like to wish for bygone days,
or future times.
Times of freedom.
But the year have been rough for most of it.
BMT and early enlistment means i was in army 48 hours after turning 18.
Then came what was a happy 6 months?
6 months where i lost myself trying to find exactly that.
6 months of thinking just for thinking's sake.
6 months of not knowing direction.
then things got downhill.
And rough.
My luck haven't turned.
Yet.
Guess the dance with Life continues.
Was reading through my blog posts of old, sort of a yearly custom which i follow every year. reading back to get an idea of what happened during the year and what changes happened. and yeah. since there is only 2 more weeks till i head for NZ and the new year. there isn't much time left for reflections. which is why i am doing that now.
So yeah.
Till nxt time.
Or perhaps its the fact that December is on the seat.
Or maybe its just a random occurrence associated with boredom.
Been feeling down, or emo, as some may put it.
Not for any issues related to love or whatever.
But of army yet again.
Just when army is getting acceptable,
Bombshells have to be dropped.
Making me know that this really ain't for me.
slightly less than a year ago,
I resolved to be positive about all this.
Of captive days and emo nights.
Of trying to hold strong and not crumble.
And i hope that resolve is still there.
Outfield this week.
Again.
Add a Sergeant-Major who just decided to revert to trainee style.
and a bruised knee.
Do not like to wish for bygone days,
or future times.
Times of freedom.
But the year have been rough for most of it.
BMT and early enlistment means i was in army 48 hours after turning 18.
Then came what was a happy 6 months?
6 months where i lost myself trying to find exactly that.
6 months of thinking just for thinking's sake.
6 months of not knowing direction.
then things got downhill.
And rough.
My luck haven't turned.
Yet.
Guess the dance with Life continues.
Was reading through my blog posts of old, sort of a yearly custom which i follow every year. reading back to get an idea of what happened during the year and what changes happened. and yeah. since there is only 2 more weeks till i head for NZ and the new year. there isn't much time left for reflections. which is why i am doing that now.
So yeah.
Till nxt time.
Monday, 29 October 2007
The Start of the End
In Narnia, they call it the Island of Ramadu.
In a football match, this is the 88th minute.
In a race, they call it the final sprint.
In world war II, they called it the battle of Stalingrad.
In my life, I call it the A levels.
For this is truly the beginning of the end.
One of those milestones in life where one must face.
Want, I do, to say that these are the times I live for,
The duels for a knight.
Though a prince and a king I hope to be,
But given a choice,
I do not want to fight this war.
Not scared, just have this feeling inside me,
Saying if i screw up now, I am done for for life.
And somehow i fear it will be prophetic.
Yes, some call it nervous.
Maybe I am.
The months of mugging.
Days of Emoing
Hours of typing this.
Minutes of getting those thought sorted out in my head.
All this will hopefully pay off.
Did the Physics specimen paper today. The last paper 3 i was able to lay my hands on. Ok. There still are a few on blackboard. but i did printed some. And all the papers i was able to get not bad marks. Normally due to many good questions and one bad questions. But wad if the paper tomorrow will be the mixture of all these bad questions? i dare not think. Worrier i may be, Worrier i am. I could not live and let live. Its just one kind of a pre-exam, waddyacallit?, ritual for me. Must emo.
Hopefully. I could do it.
On a brighter note. To everyone, yeah, those ppl mentioned in the farewell post, to all taking the a levels. Good Luck. Godspeed. And may the best be the best.
In a football match, this is the 88th minute.
In a race, they call it the final sprint.
In world war II, they called it the battle of Stalingrad.
In my life, I call it the A levels.
For this is truly the beginning of the end.
One of those milestones in life where one must face.
Want, I do, to say that these are the times I live for,
The duels for a knight.
Though a prince and a king I hope to be,
But given a choice,
I do not want to fight this war.
Not scared, just have this feeling inside me,
Saying if i screw up now, I am done for for life.
And somehow i fear it will be prophetic.
Yes, some call it nervous.
Maybe I am.
The months of mugging.
Days of Emoing
Hours of typing this.
Minutes of getting those thought sorted out in my head.
All this will hopefully pay off.
Did the Physics specimen paper today. The last paper 3 i was able to lay my hands on. Ok. There still are a few on blackboard. but i did printed some. And all the papers i was able to get not bad marks. Normally due to many good questions and one bad questions. But wad if the paper tomorrow will be the mixture of all these bad questions? i dare not think. Worrier i may be, Worrier i am. I could not live and let live. Its just one kind of a pre-exam, waddyacallit?, ritual for me. Must emo.
Hopefully. I could do it.
On a brighter note. To everyone, yeah, those ppl mentioned in the farewell post, to all taking the a levels. Good Luck. Godspeed. And may the best be the best.
Friday, 22 June 2007
2 days
haha.. 2 days more to CT.
i think i am ready. hope i am. haha. dunno what got into me.. still playing now at the last minute.. luckily this is not a level.. or i am screwed.. haha.. must seriously put my foot down and stop gaming soon after this ct2.. haha. soon. said that dunno how many times liao.. haha...
oh yeah. 端午节 came and just gone without me knowing it.. haha.. 1st time in my life i forgot about it sia..
sian. ct means skool reopening soon.. haha.. which means i am entering my last ever semester of uniformed school life.. well dun think that it would be much different.. but i guess i would just have to make the most out of this last 4-5 mths or so.. haha.. and after that.. it would be a new beginning... haha.. although there is a 2 yr break first... haha..
haven done my t3A nor anything related for that matter. cos i dun really have anything to write. dunno.. i have achieved i guess, in non academic, non cca stuff... but those dun count, do they? can i write say my reading of all the sandman comics and thus gain wonderful insights and thoughts? or i made many new friends? seriously, i think t3a is screwed up.. its like forcing people to achieve a preset achievement level. haha. but , whatever.. i am happy as i am and i dun think i have to achieve goals just to show it in my a levels. haha. it may be important. but there is obviously the other pages where more important stuff are. or so i feel i think i guess. haiz..
everything is moving so fast now i could hardly even try to stand, breathe and look out of the window.. how i wish it was yesterday once more.. dun feel myself at the moment.. there is this fear that suddenly resurfaced.. haiz.. last time i felt it was like 2 days before o levels.. aint it have came a little too early? dunno.. just not feeling right right now... like some superhero who have just lost something.. haha. dunno..
anyway.
oh yeah. 谢谢你. haha.
till nxt time.
i think i am ready. hope i am. haha. dunno what got into me.. still playing now at the last minute.. luckily this is not a level.. or i am screwed.. haha.. must seriously put my foot down and stop gaming soon after this ct2.. haha. soon. said that dunno how many times liao.. haha...
oh yeah. 端午节 came and just gone without me knowing it.. haha.. 1st time in my life i forgot about it sia..
sian. ct means skool reopening soon.. haha.. which means i am entering my last ever semester of uniformed school life.. well dun think that it would be much different.. but i guess i would just have to make the most out of this last 4-5 mths or so.. haha.. and after that.. it would be a new beginning... haha.. although there is a 2 yr break first... haha..
haven done my t3A nor anything related for that matter. cos i dun really have anything to write. dunno.. i have achieved i guess, in non academic, non cca stuff... but those dun count, do they? can i write say my reading of all the sandman comics and thus gain wonderful insights and thoughts? or i made many new friends? seriously, i think t3a is screwed up.. its like forcing people to achieve a preset achievement level. haha. but , whatever.. i am happy as i am and i dun think i have to achieve goals just to show it in my a levels. haha. it may be important. but there is obviously the other pages where more important stuff are. or so i feel i think i guess. haiz..
everything is moving so fast now i could hardly even try to stand, breathe and look out of the window.. how i wish it was yesterday once more.. dun feel myself at the moment.. there is this fear that suddenly resurfaced.. haiz.. last time i felt it was like 2 days before o levels.. aint it have came a little too early? dunno.. just not feeling right right now... like some superhero who have just lost something.. haha. dunno..
anyway.
oh yeah. 谢谢你. haha.
till nxt time.
Saturday, 9 June 2007
resurfaced
lost avenues and hopes are resurfacing.. lolz. like the NZ one. lol. now contemplating a move there again.. cos if i am gonna study medcine.. there is the most probable route i could go.. if i do not get any scholarship or anything to finance me. cos studying medcine in aust will cost 450k or nearly half a million sing. and nz.. if i go as a 'local' student will only cost a third of that sum. lolz.
so now thinking... roads have sunk before and are rebuilt.. perhaps this is one of those....
and i miss the beutiful sky there.. and the stars.... and the landscape. mayb i juz went in at the wrong place at the wrong time... or mayb i am ready to give it a second chance again... last time i went as a human.. but now.. i will go as a champion.. one who has potential to overcome fear..a green lantern.
maybe its not the last time i would blog under the stars..
but anything would have to wait at least 2 yrs. cos of NS. lolz. but not plenty of time to think.
cos the thing expires 2008.. and i have to do a decision by this yr.. or heck this mth.. i must decide. crossroads again...
How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
How many paths does a man has to choose
Before he can see the light?
well the 2nd line was added by me.. and well the answer my friend is blowing in the wind.. the answer is blowing in the wind.... and listen to the wind i shall.... but there is no wind now cos i am in a room.. lolz..
anyway.. went watch shrek wif zhou reub n ran juz now.. For those who have saw it. congrats, you like us, have been conned. For those who hadnt let you be warned.. I am not one who critisize lots of movies.. in fact i like most movies i watch.. but this is a waste of money. just wait for it on channel 5.
sian..
黑色幽默
zzz.. should go slp soon...
till nxt time...
so now thinking... roads have sunk before and are rebuilt.. perhaps this is one of those....
and i miss the beutiful sky there.. and the stars.... and the landscape. mayb i juz went in at the wrong place at the wrong time... or mayb i am ready to give it a second chance again... last time i went as a human.. but now.. i will go as a champion.. one who has potential to overcome fear..a green lantern.
maybe its not the last time i would blog under the stars..
but anything would have to wait at least 2 yrs. cos of NS. lolz. but not plenty of time to think.
cos the thing expires 2008.. and i have to do a decision by this yr.. or heck this mth.. i must decide. crossroads again...
How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
How many paths does a man has to choose
Before he can see the light?
well the 2nd line was added by me.. and well the answer my friend is blowing in the wind.. the answer is blowing in the wind.... and listen to the wind i shall.... but there is no wind now cos i am in a room.. lolz..
anyway.. went watch shrek wif zhou reub n ran juz now.. For those who have saw it. congrats, you like us, have been conned. For those who hadnt let you be warned.. I am not one who critisize lots of movies.. in fact i like most movies i watch.. but this is a waste of money. just wait for it on channel 5.
sian..
黑色幽默
zzz.. should go slp soon...
till nxt time...
Friday, 1 June 2007
lolz. everytime holiday also like that.. start to think too much cos i simply got too much time on my hands. lolz. not exactly.. but i still got some time to think.
lolz. the factual stuff 1st. lolz. ok. yesterday morn went do CIP wif Jimmy, peifang n Kailee. lolz. den i n jimmy went the temple there in the morn and owning. lolz. everyone donate sia. owning. lolz. den afternoon sibei no mood to continue liao.. so just anyhow. lol. den afternoon went out wif hoe, reub n ran. lolz. watch pirate (again for me) lolz. and thus join the gang for watching same movies twice. lolz. reub( spiderman3) ran( batman begins) Hoe (新警察故事 or something) lolz.. it was still quite nice.. can understand and remember more having seen it for the second time. lolz. and can now remember that elizabeth speech.. lolz. which i thought was damn cool. lolz... well what i could make of of loose recorded lines anyway..
"You all listen to me! LISTEN! The other ships will still be looking to us, the Black Pearl to lead, and what will they see? Frightened bilgerats aboard a derelict ship? No, they will see free men and freedom! And the enemy will see the flash of our canons and they will hear the ring of our swords and they will know what we can do! With the sweat of our brow, and the strength of our backs, and the courage in our hearts! Gentlemen, Hoist the Colours!"
haha.. and "YO HO... HOIST THE COLOURS... HOIST THE COLOURS HIGH!!.... HEAVE HO.. THIEVES AND BEGGARS.... NEVER SHALL WE DIE...."
haha.. ok.. den after tt went eat long john... which like completed a whole day of fast food for me.. lolz. mac. kfc n ljs. lolz. den after that we talked... lolz.. which somehow made me think again.. lolz...
of cos its about uni admission.. what course.. lolz.. how i wish i could have a compass like jack's that show me my hearts desire.. or the navigation charts of sao feng. which will lead me to anything i want.. lolz... sian.. now thinking of pursueing medicine. lolz. after a few revelations to me. lolz. sian.. but if that is so... there are more choices in which to make.. my father may have to go to nz to secure a local place for me there.. and i dunno... it is a great choice though.. one which i have often overlooked without thinking too much abt it. lolz. dunno..
sian... shall go to my room and think more. lolz..
till nxt time.
lolz. the factual stuff 1st. lolz. ok. yesterday morn went do CIP wif Jimmy, peifang n Kailee. lolz. den i n jimmy went the temple there in the morn and owning. lolz. everyone donate sia. owning. lolz. den afternoon sibei no mood to continue liao.. so just anyhow. lol. den afternoon went out wif hoe, reub n ran. lolz. watch pirate (again for me) lolz. and thus join the gang for watching same movies twice. lolz. reub( spiderman3) ran( batman begins) Hoe (新警察故事 or something) lolz.. it was still quite nice.. can understand and remember more having seen it for the second time. lolz. and can now remember that elizabeth speech.. lolz. which i thought was damn cool. lolz... well what i could make of of loose recorded lines anyway..
"You all listen to me! LISTEN! The other ships will still be looking to us, the Black Pearl to lead, and what will they see? Frightened bilgerats aboard a derelict ship? No, they will see free men and freedom! And the enemy will see the flash of our canons and they will hear the ring of our swords and they will know what we can do! With the sweat of our brow, and the strength of our backs, and the courage in our hearts! Gentlemen, Hoist the Colours!"
haha.. and "YO HO... HOIST THE COLOURS... HOIST THE COLOURS HIGH!!.... HEAVE HO.. THIEVES AND BEGGARS.... NEVER SHALL WE DIE...."
haha.. ok.. den after tt went eat long john... which like completed a whole day of fast food for me.. lolz. mac. kfc n ljs. lolz. den after that we talked... lolz.. which somehow made me think again.. lolz...
of cos its about uni admission.. what course.. lolz.. how i wish i could have a compass like jack's that show me my hearts desire.. or the navigation charts of sao feng. which will lead me to anything i want.. lolz... sian.. now thinking of pursueing medicine. lolz. after a few revelations to me. lolz. sian.. but if that is so... there are more choices in which to make.. my father may have to go to nz to secure a local place for me there.. and i dunno... it is a great choice though.. one which i have often overlooked without thinking too much abt it. lolz. dunno..
sian... shall go to my room and think more. lolz..
till nxt time.
Friday, 11 May 2007
lolz. just borrowed some comics again... lolz... den feeling damn inspired now... like always after i read some comics... lolz.. den remembered one line.. forgot by who.. lolz.. which goes something like this.. "For every enemy you have. A thousand others treat you as one".... which i think mayb applicable to the current situation in the class...
Lolz.. especially with the hostility within the class now.. i can sense war building up... Old alliances are made.. old hatred reawakened.. lolz. but the battle front has changed. the champions of the 1st war has retired or decided to become peace keeper instead.. lolz.. another thing i learnt from comics.. lolz. esp The Capt. Captain America. lolz.. i think he seriously one of the coolest superheroes ever.. up there with silver surfer and green lantern.. lolz.. sian...
i shall try uphold the peace.. but like in comics.. the worst of wars are started by the closest of friends. lolz. like when Loki attacks his father Odin. lolz.. or something like that.. lolz
haha.. shall try to remain neutral and nice. lolz.. haha..
just checked out "The watchmen" recommended by reubs. lolz.. it actually looks quite cool sia.
it shows what happen if the people dun wan superheroes anymore and wants them to register themselves.. "who watches the watchmen?" and "Who are they protecting society from?".. To which the heroes reply.. "From themselves"... damn cool. lolz. visit here to see more..
lol. then there will be its movie coming out in 2008 directed by that guy who did 300. lolz.
damn cool.. watching bridge to Terabithia someday soon.. think its gonna be superbo. lolz.
nth much else.. going train wif reub later..
till nxt time... lolz..
Lolz.. especially with the hostility within the class now.. i can sense war building up... Old alliances are made.. old hatred reawakened.. lolz. but the battle front has changed. the champions of the 1st war has retired or decided to become peace keeper instead.. lolz.. another thing i learnt from comics.. lolz. esp The Capt. Captain America. lolz.. i think he seriously one of the coolest superheroes ever.. up there with silver surfer and green lantern.. lolz.. sian...
i shall try uphold the peace.. but like in comics.. the worst of wars are started by the closest of friends. lolz. like when Loki attacks his father Odin. lolz.. or something like that.. lolz
haha.. shall try to remain neutral and nice. lolz.. haha..
just checked out "The watchmen" recommended by reubs. lolz.. it actually looks quite cool sia.
it shows what happen if the people dun wan superheroes anymore and wants them to register themselves.. "who watches the watchmen?" and "Who are they protecting society from?".. To which the heroes reply.. "From themselves"... damn cool. lolz. visit here to see more..
lol. then there will be its movie coming out in 2008 directed by that guy who did 300. lolz.
damn cool.. watching bridge to Terabithia someday soon.. think its gonna be superbo. lolz.
nth much else.. going train wif reub later..
till nxt time... lolz..
Friday, 4 May 2007
walking in circles
just found out tt i have been walking all along in circles.. stop FM, start BFME, stop BFME, start FM. lolz. finding myself being addicted to one game, den the other.. which is seriously stupid. lolz. so now. i decided. i shall stop gaming. as in really stop. but animes will continue.. lolz. gaming seriously take up too much time. lolz.
Was looking through Uni courses this wk again.. and somehow i am lost on what to do yet again.. lolz. Material engineering? Environmental and Civil Engineering? or..... Psychology. lolz. dunno. now really interested in taking psychology. esp child psychology. den i can inspire ppl. lolz. and become something like proffesor X. dunno.. it is one option sia. haha. but psychology is seriously cool. dunno if i should take it. but would i have to become a doctor 1st before being able to take psychology? dunno.. its quite cool to be able to know how ppl think and response though.. lolz. and best of all.. if i can learn how to use hypnotism.. lolz. will be damn cool. lolz. but mayb environ n civil engineering will also be a gd choice. cos with the increasing env consiousness.. i think it would be gd to be able to do something to it.. lolz.. also thought about being an architect.. lolz.. but not sure.. cos all my buildings would end out looking like swords or weapons. lolz.. but mayb still material engineering.. den i will be able to design new weapons? some plasma gun or something? still confused.. enigineering or psychology? or mayb something else. lolz.. luckily i am a guy and have 2 more yrs to slowly think over it. lolz.
sian.. tests coming up soon.. must seriously start mugging. shall start soon. nxt wk. lolz... have to crack the qn soon..
lolz.. sian.
纸是包不住火的
till nxt time...
Was looking through Uni courses this wk again.. and somehow i am lost on what to do yet again.. lolz. Material engineering? Environmental and Civil Engineering? or..... Psychology. lolz. dunno. now really interested in taking psychology. esp child psychology. den i can inspire ppl. lolz. and become something like proffesor X. dunno.. it is one option sia. haha. but psychology is seriously cool. dunno if i should take it. but would i have to become a doctor 1st before being able to take psychology? dunno.. its quite cool to be able to know how ppl think and response though.. lolz. and best of all.. if i can learn how to use hypnotism.. lolz. will be damn cool. lolz. but mayb environ n civil engineering will also be a gd choice. cos with the increasing env consiousness.. i think it would be gd to be able to do something to it.. lolz.. also thought about being an architect.. lolz.. but not sure.. cos all my buildings would end out looking like swords or weapons. lolz.. but mayb still material engineering.. den i will be able to design new weapons? some plasma gun or something? still confused.. enigineering or psychology? or mayb something else. lolz.. luckily i am a guy and have 2 more yrs to slowly think over it. lolz.
sian.. tests coming up soon.. must seriously start mugging. shall start soon. nxt wk. lolz... have to crack the qn soon..
lolz.. sian.
纸是包不住火的
till nxt time...
Tuesday, 17 April 2007
sick.
lolz. went skool in morn only to come back earlier due to a increasing temp. now damn drowsy from the medication given. should not have done pe just now.
just now discussed or somewhat argued about ns with ray n bain. with them branding me all sorts of names. but i remained unfazed. to me, NS is a bullshit time wasting thing which just disrupts everything. n dun gimme tt load of crap bout the honor n pride of serving the nation blah blah blah. tt. to me. is just propaganda to ensure tt ppl have an excuse of liking ns. and do anyone truly think tt if one day, we were attacked by, say iran or north korea, we would be able to stop their nuclear onslaught? wake up. this aint a game. ppl die in NS. and i am determined to get as safe a job as possible. the best is clerk of cos. n dun gimme tt" its an honor to die for e country", so what if u could have a flag on top of your coffin... as if anyone will remember you after only 50 yrs. or even 2-3 yrs. think about it. how many of us remember the army deaths tt happened? mayb it would cause a stir awhile.. mayb it will remain in the hearts of his relatives.. but 流芳百世?.. i doubt it.
also. its not tt i dun wanna train. its just tt there is no point. 2 wks to accomplish this 5 pull ups? why try so hard? instead. why couldn't i do it slowly. take it a step at a time. and finally pass the august one... its not about effort.. its about pragmatism. and pragmatism is just what singapore govt has been teaching. Also. you talk about NS building social cohesion, protecting the country. etc... yeah.. plenty of benifits... but where's my share? yeah.. talk about building friendships. building character.. blah.. but given a choice i rather go to uni and make friends there.. and build character there as well. but look at the price of NS. 1st. we are now 2 yrs behind. many will say, what is 2 yrs? but this will significantly set us back. esp some countries already have a head start. and we guys will be 2 yrs back in everything.. talk econs. the oppotunity cost for the person is far too high. even if i just worked as a part timer. i would have earnt more than tt meagre army allowance. .... 2nd.. need i say anything more....
and oh yeah. i am a quitter. not tt i quit everything. but if war was to erupt. I will be amongst the first to run. wherever to. and many may say not and look down on me. but if war really was to break out.. i guess it would be more 五十步笑百步... "at least i didn't say i will run 1st" or " at least i ran later"... but i do not quit everything.. i will 拼 for things tt i deem useful and helpful towards me.. an example of something? o levels. and i am definitely gonna 拼 for a levels.. it aint natpha. and NS. millions have survived without a natpha test past but how many rich man have you seen without even a bachelor degree. again, its not about honor, pride, or anything.. its about pragmatism and mayb a certain extent of WELL-UTILISED effort. and i stress well utilised. which means to me. fighting for things tt will gimme benifits. 人不为己,天诛地灭.
but i have accepted as NS as inevietable after deciding to stay in singapore. so im just gonna go in with an open mind.. be it 4 more wks or no 4 more wks. and try to take the best out of it. think of it as paying for citizenship.
there is more reasons i dun like NS inside me.. but i am keeping them inside cos i scared getting sued. so tt's all for now.. have to go slp liao.. head hurting like mad. eyes closing. temperature rising again. got 1 day MC for tomorrow.. but should be going to skool.. cos its not worth missing.
till nxt time. lol
just now discussed or somewhat argued about ns with ray n bain. with them branding me all sorts of names. but i remained unfazed. to me, NS is a bullshit time wasting thing which just disrupts everything. n dun gimme tt load of crap bout the honor n pride of serving the nation blah blah blah. tt. to me. is just propaganda to ensure tt ppl have an excuse of liking ns. and do anyone truly think tt if one day, we were attacked by, say iran or north korea, we would be able to stop their nuclear onslaught? wake up. this aint a game. ppl die in NS. and i am determined to get as safe a job as possible. the best is clerk of cos. n dun gimme tt" its an honor to die for e country", so what if u could have a flag on top of your coffin... as if anyone will remember you after only 50 yrs. or even 2-3 yrs. think about it. how many of us remember the army deaths tt happened? mayb it would cause a stir awhile.. mayb it will remain in the hearts of his relatives.. but 流芳百世?.. i doubt it.
also. its not tt i dun wanna train. its just tt there is no point. 2 wks to accomplish this 5 pull ups? why try so hard? instead. why couldn't i do it slowly. take it a step at a time. and finally pass the august one... its not about effort.. its about pragmatism. and pragmatism is just what singapore govt has been teaching. Also. you talk about NS building social cohesion, protecting the country. etc... yeah.. plenty of benifits... but where's my share? yeah.. talk about building friendships. building character.. blah.. but given a choice i rather go to uni and make friends there.. and build character there as well. but look at the price of NS. 1st. we are now 2 yrs behind. many will say, what is 2 yrs? but this will significantly set us back. esp some countries already have a head start. and we guys will be 2 yrs back in everything.. talk econs. the oppotunity cost for the person is far too high. even if i just worked as a part timer. i would have earnt more than tt meagre army allowance. .... 2nd.. need i say anything more....
and oh yeah. i am a quitter. not tt i quit everything. but if war was to erupt. I will be amongst the first to run. wherever to. and many may say not and look down on me. but if war really was to break out.. i guess it would be more 五十步笑百步... "at least i didn't say i will run 1st" or " at least i ran later"... but i do not quit everything.. i will 拼 for things tt i deem useful and helpful towards me.. an example of something? o levels. and i am definitely gonna 拼 for a levels.. it aint natpha. and NS. millions have survived without a natpha test past but how many rich man have you seen without even a bachelor degree. again, its not about honor, pride, or anything.. its about pragmatism and mayb a certain extent of WELL-UTILISED effort. and i stress well utilised. which means to me. fighting for things tt will gimme benifits. 人不为己,天诛地灭.
but i have accepted as NS as inevietable after deciding to stay in singapore. so im just gonna go in with an open mind.. be it 4 more wks or no 4 more wks. and try to take the best out of it. think of it as paying for citizenship.
there is more reasons i dun like NS inside me.. but i am keeping them inside cos i scared getting sued. so tt's all for now.. have to go slp liao.. head hurting like mad. eyes closing. temperature rising again. got 1 day MC for tomorrow.. but should be going to skool.. cos its not worth missing.
till nxt time. lol
Tuesday, 3 April 2007
Que Sera Sera
lolz. all spas are finally over... and another torturous part of JC life draws to a close.. no more PW, no more SPA. and soon it will be the end of As too. lolz.
over this few days have been thinking alot.. lolz. largely due to the scholarship talk in skool and the recievement of my NS enlistment letter. lolz. forced me to think about my future. of what do i want to be. lolz. i always wanted to take something beyond normal. something unusual. I can't be a doctor. cos i noe i am not up to it. I can't be someone working in the financial sector. I have simply no interest cept mayb to open a toy shop and restaurant, but i will need something to fall back on in case my businesses fail. I can't be an accountant. Its too normal for me. I have thought of being a comic artist working at marvel, recreating the heroes i worship. or an architect, turning my blocks of lego into real buildings. When i was in H3, i thought pharmacy would suit me.. but seems not. lolz. so i am left with engineering.. but seeing how tough it is to be a civil engineer, and how little land left to build.. i dun think i wanna be one. lolz. so i explore the less explored regions of engineering.. lolz.. and which i stumbled on material science and enviromental engineering (links to courses from NUS).. 2 of the engineering aspects i am currently interested in.. lolz.. dunno... lolz. i still dream of designing weapons.. lolz. but i dun wanna take electrical engineering or anything like tt.. lolz. sian.. things i decide now will decide how my life becomes. lolz.
haiz. lolz. sian. why is life so complicated. lolz.
sian.. class jersey is a failure.. lolz.. wif less than half the class wanting it. haha...
lolz.. and now i shall go and ponder over my future for the umpteenth time now. lolz.
parents are not in.. lolz. tomorrow must wake super early n go skool myself again... sad life for me....
When life sucks.... even FM sucks.. lolz.
随缘吧。
now suddenly think of one song.. lolz. which considerably calmed me and stopped me from thinking too much
Que Sera Sera
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
yeah.. wad will be.. will be... lolz.
till nxt time...
over this few days have been thinking alot.. lolz. largely due to the scholarship talk in skool and the recievement of my NS enlistment letter. lolz. forced me to think about my future. of what do i want to be. lolz. i always wanted to take something beyond normal. something unusual. I can't be a doctor. cos i noe i am not up to it. I can't be someone working in the financial sector. I have simply no interest cept mayb to open a toy shop and restaurant, but i will need something to fall back on in case my businesses fail. I can't be an accountant. Its too normal for me. I have thought of being a comic artist working at marvel, recreating the heroes i worship. or an architect, turning my blocks of lego into real buildings. When i was in H3, i thought pharmacy would suit me.. but seems not. lolz. so i am left with engineering.. but seeing how tough it is to be a civil engineer, and how little land left to build.. i dun think i wanna be one. lolz. so i explore the less explored regions of engineering.. lolz.. and which i stumbled on material science and enviromental engineering (links to courses from NUS).. 2 of the engineering aspects i am currently interested in.. lolz.. dunno... lolz. i still dream of designing weapons.. lolz. but i dun wanna take electrical engineering or anything like tt.. lolz. sian.. things i decide now will decide how my life becomes. lolz.
haiz. lolz. sian. why is life so complicated. lolz.
sian.. class jersey is a failure.. lolz.. wif less than half the class wanting it. haha...
lolz.. and now i shall go and ponder over my future for the umpteenth time now. lolz.
parents are not in.. lolz. tomorrow must wake super early n go skool myself again... sad life for me....
When life sucks.... even FM sucks.. lolz.
随缘吧。
now suddenly think of one song.. lolz. which considerably calmed me and stopped me from thinking too much
Que Sera Sera
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
yeah.. wad will be.. will be... lolz.
till nxt time...
Thursday, 29 March 2007
uncanny resemblance
what a eventful wk this wk is turning into.. lolz.. y can't every wk be like this week, full of stuff happening. lolz.. lolz.
The long expected confrontation finally happened. 杀气 once again unleashed her 杀气. lolz.. after an extremely boring econs lecture which seemed to last forever, well, all econs lecture seems so.. It was maths tutorial, the most uneventful and peaceful tutorial, until today. lolz. 杀气 was sleeping in lessons. lolz. den lim kim kicked her chair or something. e 1st time 杀气 warned him, den either 杀气 dreaming or lim kim really kicked again or something. 杀气 suddenly went and picked up a stick. and came and banged on lim kim's table scolding him for kicking his chair. den lim kim went into berserker mode and flipped table and they started to dance around mr kho who was still there, stunned by the outburst. lolz. trying damn hard to be neutral. lolz. den scold this scold that.. blah blah blah. and everything ended. lolz. lazy to put it into words. lolz. but tsun wang sad life sia. so close to lim kim kena scolded also. lolz. sad life.
lolz. but this lk outburst reminded me of my secondary 2 days. lolz. one which i have long since forgotten. lolz. well it happened quite similar to his outburst. lolz......
It was after assembly. we returned to our classes, preparing to go home or to go play football, i forgot. lolz. but anyway. the class decided that taking my stuff and hiding them was damn fun and i as a choirboy dun possess too much power to fight back anyway. lolz. but they were wrong. lolz. anyway. so this stupid hippo. sheryl, tt one in VJ basketball, tt one in AHS basketball, decided to take my water bottle. lolz. den when i found all my other stuff and confronted her to ask her to return my bottle. she refused, saying something i forgot, but it was something tt made me damn angry. n tt was the last straw. lolz. i turned into an embodiment of rage and flipped the table between me and her. and i shouted "KNN, 要打就来打，你以为我怕你啊。ＫＮＮＢＣＣＢ＂ａｔ her at the top of my voice. so loud tt even my fren at the opposite end of the block could hear me. she was stunned. and i was fuming with anger. fists clenched. ready to start to fight. den. this other person. a councillor. from the next door class. her name i forgotten. starting with N i think. but her face still etched in my mind so deep tt my face still turned black whenever i saw her. lolz. anyway. she came and book me. lolz. i dun really care bout bookings or anything. lolz. but den i was angry. lolz. imagine a councillor you hardly noe, come in and book u when u noe the fault originally was not at u. lolz. so. being me. i verbally abused tt person also. almost going to the nxt class to fight if not for ppl reminding me tt the other class is sports class n i would be more likely to be whacked. lolz. and so i took back my bottle. and i left skool. to go home. lolz. den from eyewitnesses of the aftermath. lolz. it was said tt i reduced her to tears. lolz. which i am not ashamed of but rather proud of then, having defended my pride. lolz. but there are differences with lk's outburst. 1st, no teacher is involved. i always give teacher some amt of face. just varying amts. lolz. n 2. i was much younger then. lolz. and i haven started reading 武侠小说s. lolz. but after i read. lolz. i regretted my actions. lolz. but the hatred still remains in me. lolz. which i dun bother removing cause anger and hatred is good motivation.. esp when the ppl u hate are stronger than you in some areas.... lolz.. for example.. the female JH of 4H( refer to earlier blog posts) who is also in VJC now. and my blood still boils whenever i see her. lolz. ok. tt's an exxageration ( is tt how u spell this). lolz. anyway. lol.
gotta go slp soon.. my inner clock is making me super tired. lolz. yawns.... lolz. but now as i look back on my life. lolz. i found out i had much more regrets than the a few but too few to mention that i always thought. lolz. haha. but mostly insignificant and impossible stuff like. what if i moved to brazil when i was a kid, would i be a gd soccer player now tt kind of thing. lolz. which is, i noe, lame. lolz
cannot tahan liao.. its now 2204. 4 mins into 10 and i am dying from the effects of my inner clock.. lolz
looking forward to TMNT tomorrow. lolz.
till nxt time. oh yeah. happy bdae 杀气 n kl.
The long expected confrontation finally happened. 杀气 once again unleashed her 杀气. lolz.. after an extremely boring econs lecture which seemed to last forever, well, all econs lecture seems so.. It was maths tutorial, the most uneventful and peaceful tutorial, until today. lolz. 杀气 was sleeping in lessons. lolz. den lim kim kicked her chair or something. e 1st time 杀气 warned him, den either 杀气 dreaming or lim kim really kicked again or something. 杀气 suddenly went and picked up a stick. and came and banged on lim kim's table scolding him for kicking his chair. den lim kim went into berserker mode and flipped table and they started to dance around mr kho who was still there, stunned by the outburst. lolz. trying damn hard to be neutral. lolz. den scold this scold that.. blah blah blah. and everything ended. lolz. lazy to put it into words. lolz. but tsun wang sad life sia. so close to lim kim kena scolded also. lolz. sad life.
lolz. but this lk outburst reminded me of my secondary 2 days. lolz. one which i have long since forgotten. lolz. well it happened quite similar to his outburst. lolz......
It was after assembly. we returned to our classes, preparing to go home or to go play football, i forgot. lolz. but anyway. the class decided that taking my stuff and hiding them was damn fun and i as a choirboy dun possess too much power to fight back anyway. lolz. but they were wrong. lolz. anyway. so this stupid hippo. sheryl, tt one in VJ basketball, tt one in AHS basketball, decided to take my water bottle. lolz. den when i found all my other stuff and confronted her to ask her to return my bottle. she refused, saying something i forgot, but it was something tt made me damn angry. n tt was the last straw. lolz. i turned into an embodiment of rage and flipped the table between me and her. and i shouted "KNN, 要打就来打，你以为我怕你啊。ＫＮＮＢＣＣＢ＂ａｔ her at the top of my voice. so loud tt even my fren at the opposite end of the block could hear me. she was stunned. and i was fuming with anger. fists clenched. ready to start to fight. den. this other person. a councillor. from the next door class. her name i forgotten. starting with N i think. but her face still etched in my mind so deep tt my face still turned black whenever i saw her. lolz. anyway. she came and book me. lolz. i dun really care bout bookings or anything. lolz. but den i was angry. lolz. imagine a councillor you hardly noe, come in and book u when u noe the fault originally was not at u. lolz. so. being me. i verbally abused tt person also. almost going to the nxt class to fight if not for ppl reminding me tt the other class is sports class n i would be more likely to be whacked. lolz. and so i took back my bottle. and i left skool. to go home. lolz. den from eyewitnesses of the aftermath. lolz. it was said tt i reduced her to tears. lolz. which i am not ashamed of but rather proud of then, having defended my pride. lolz. but there are differences with lk's outburst. 1st, no teacher is involved. i always give teacher some amt of face. just varying amts. lolz. n 2. i was much younger then. lolz. and i haven started reading 武侠小说s. lolz. but after i read. lolz. i regretted my actions. lolz. but the hatred still remains in me. lolz. which i dun bother removing cause anger and hatred is good motivation.. esp when the ppl u hate are stronger than you in some areas.... lolz.. for example.. the female JH of 4H( refer to earlier blog posts) who is also in VJC now. and my blood still boils whenever i see her. lolz. ok. tt's an exxageration ( is tt how u spell this). lolz. anyway. lol.
gotta go slp soon.. my inner clock is making me super tired. lolz. yawns.... lolz. but now as i look back on my life. lolz. i found out i had much more regrets than the a few but too few to mention that i always thought. lolz. haha. but mostly insignificant and impossible stuff like. what if i moved to brazil when i was a kid, would i be a gd soccer player now tt kind of thing. lolz. which is, i noe, lame. lolz
cannot tahan liao.. its now 2204. 4 mins into 10 and i am dying from the effects of my inner clock.. lolz
looking forward to TMNT tomorrow. lolz.
till nxt time. oh yeah. happy bdae 杀气 n kl.
Thursday, 15 February 2007
Coming. CNY is coming
(for latest post scroll down. cos this i feel is better for cny)
[disclaimer: this post may contain words and ideas that may irritate or sadden or somehow make some ppl angry. To these ppl, too bad. dun read if u feel offended, its just my thoughts.]
lolz. what a week. lolz. hardly have the mood and time to do anything. lolz. CNY is coming. lolz.
after seeing what happened in skool today i thought alot and still cannot understand why ppl treat festivals like valentines and christmas more importantly that CNY. lolz. CNY to me represents many thing. a start to the year. the end of last year. and more importantly- homecoming. lolz. its that time where every family member alive however unlinked will meet up and we will eat, talk and do stuff. Its the time where i make a visit 'home'. all the fun i had in my 18 chinese new yrs. lolz. And most importantly. i celebrate CNY cos i am Chinese. and i am proud to be one. Last christmas i still dun understand why christmas to me like nothing. just another holiday. lolz. now i noe its cos i am no ang moh, and i see no point celebrating their holiday. but many ppl are not like me. chinese ppl. non-christian chinese. if u christian den i at least understand why u like christmas and i accept. but those hu are not christians? celebrate christmas? seriously, if i was ang moh i would laugh at these ppl in my heart. I would laugh even harder if they treat CNY as 'only a long weekend with ang pows and good food'. this i felt after reading somethings about CNY being not meaningful. lolz. I think after i went NZ and came back, i found out the importance of identity. and this is further reinforced by my reading of comics especially x-men. In NZ or even in malaysia where chinese are not the majority, CNY is the perfect way to tell the ppl around. We are chinese. This is OUR festival. This is OUR Identity. and to the others we are one. can't imagine a yr without CNY. lolz. somehow VJ like no CNY mood. lol. mayb is cos there are too many ppl of other races? lolz. CNY mood seems to be extended from me to ray to bain to jimmy and some other ppl. lolz. I remember last time in malaysia, when i was p3, the teachers didn't even wan to teach about 1 wk before the cny break. and we had 15 days off!! for the whole of CNY, for all skools, so whatever shit about no time to finish the syllabus is bulls**t, i would give up 15 days of december break anytime for a CNY break. mayb its cos singaporeans drink too much 洋水. today valentines everyone so enthu, lets see how everyone does during CNY celebration. lolz. can't wait to go back home to celebrate. 3 days to CNY.
wishing the 1.something billion Chinese around the world a 恭喜发财 and 新年快乐。 lolz. sian. if only everyone had the enthusiasm i have towards CNY..... lolz.
cant wait... lolz.
haiz. happy valentines, girl.
[disclaimer: this post may contain words and ideas that may irritate or sadden or somehow make some ppl angry. To these ppl, too bad. dun read if u feel offended, its just my thoughts.]
lolz. what a week. lolz. hardly have the mood and time to do anything. lolz. CNY is coming. lolz.
after seeing what happened in skool today i thought alot and still cannot understand why ppl treat festivals like valentines and christmas more importantly that CNY. lolz. CNY to me represents many thing. a start to the year. the end of last year. and more importantly- homecoming. lolz. its that time where every family member alive however unlinked will meet up and we will eat, talk and do stuff. Its the time where i make a visit 'home'. all the fun i had in my 18 chinese new yrs. lolz. And most importantly. i celebrate CNY cos i am Chinese. and i am proud to be one. Last christmas i still dun understand why christmas to me like nothing. just another holiday. lolz. now i noe its cos i am no ang moh, and i see no point celebrating their holiday. but many ppl are not like me. chinese ppl. non-christian chinese. if u christian den i at least understand why u like christmas and i accept. but those hu are not christians? celebrate christmas? seriously, if i was ang moh i would laugh at these ppl in my heart. I would laugh even harder if they treat CNY as 'only a long weekend with ang pows and good food'. this i felt after reading somethings about CNY being not meaningful. lolz. I think after i went NZ and came back, i found out the importance of identity. and this is further reinforced by my reading of comics especially x-men. In NZ or even in malaysia where chinese are not the majority, CNY is the perfect way to tell the ppl around. We are chinese. This is OUR festival. This is OUR Identity. and to the others we are one. can't imagine a yr without CNY. lolz. somehow VJ like no CNY mood. lol. mayb is cos there are too many ppl of other races? lolz. CNY mood seems to be extended from me to ray to bain to jimmy and some other ppl. lolz. I remember last time in malaysia, when i was p3, the teachers didn't even wan to teach about 1 wk before the cny break. and we had 15 days off!! for the whole of CNY, for all skools, so whatever shit about no time to finish the syllabus is bulls**t, i would give up 15 days of december break anytime for a CNY break. mayb its cos singaporeans drink too much 洋水. today valentines everyone so enthu, lets see how everyone does during CNY celebration. lolz. can't wait to go back home to celebrate. 3 days to CNY.
wishing the 1.something billion Chinese around the world a 恭喜发财 and 新年快乐。 lolz. sian. if only everyone had the enthusiasm i have towards CNY..... lolz.
cant wait... lolz.
haiz. happy valentines, girl.
Saturday, 25 November 2006
entropy.
lolz. just finished the chapter on entropy. lolz. found out my life is damn like it, the universe, and all its happenings, tend to a condition of greater disorderliness. lolz. tt's wad my life is now. lolz. one look at my room and u will noe.. entropy damn high, but to me tt is ordered chaos, so ppl dunno where i put stuff cept myself, lolz. many a time i kek my mother cos she try to find my stuff cannot find in my room only for me to get it with the greatest of ease. on the other hand, if she or anyone pack my room, including myself, i will wake up the next day and struggle to find anything, lolz. tt's me. high entropy guy. lolz. super disorder. lolz.
read some comics juz now, universe x. damn nice. comics set me thinking. lolz. was like dreaming of powers again. lolz.
sung karaoke with parents juz now at home. quite fun, lolz. last time in choir also neva enjoy singing so much. lolz. suddenly liked singing like 3 mths ago. tokin bout choir. lolz. what great memories it bring. forced into it. the counselling centre incident. the legacy of manhope. the losing and regaining of the syf gold. playing football on padang with DHS choir. getting chased of it. seventy-six thrombones, talimu, cantate.. lolz. and it all started when we got forced into choir, lolz.. damn funny sia. still remember last time munhoe most anti choir one everywk try quit, now almost every wk still go back choir see. damn funny sia. choir days were great, how good will it be if i can get back to sec 3 sec 4. lolz. dun nid like now so sad.
lolz.. nth much else.. going into middle earth soon..
read some comics juz now, universe x. damn nice. comics set me thinking. lolz. was like dreaming of powers again. lolz.
sung karaoke with parents juz now at home. quite fun, lolz. last time in choir also neva enjoy singing so much. lolz. suddenly liked singing like 3 mths ago. tokin bout choir. lolz. what great memories it bring. forced into it. the counselling centre incident. the legacy of manhope. the losing and regaining of the syf gold. playing football on padang with DHS choir. getting chased of it. seventy-six thrombones, talimu, cantate.. lolz. and it all started when we got forced into choir, lolz.. damn funny sia. still remember last time munhoe most anti choir one everywk try quit, now almost every wk still go back choir see. damn funny sia. choir days were great, how good will it be if i can get back to sec 3 sec 4. lolz. dun nid like now so sad.
lolz.. nth much else.. going into middle earth soon..
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